


Late for the Sky

by somerainyday



Category: How to Get Away with Murder
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst, F/M, Family Drama, Parenthood, Trauma, frank's pov
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-06-16
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2018-11-14 19:39:49
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 14
Words: 53,212
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11214906
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/somerainyday/pseuds/somerainyday
Summary: "You never knew what I loved in you. I don't know what you loved in me. Maybe the picture of somebody you thought I might be."One choice changes everything. Frank tries to figure out how it all went so wrong.





	1. How It All Began

**Author's Note:**

> This is an idea I had floating around in my head for a while now. I decided to dabble in the world of some AU angst after playing with fluff for months. I feel we're treated to enough misery on the actual show, so while this is angsty, it has a resolution. Those of you that have read my other fic know the pairing my heart truly lies with. I'll leave it at that and maybe someone will enjoy what follows. If not, that's okay too! <3

I live what appears to be a perfect life.  
  
I was raised by a Mom and Dad who love me, was popular in high school, went on to complete law school, and I just made partner in my firm. By all appearances, life couldn’t be any better.  
  
There’s a funny thing about appearances - they’re rarely what they seem.

All of the above is true. My parents and family couldn’t be better. They’re a loud, obnoxious group but they are loyal and love with everything in them. I’ve lived in Philadelphia my whole life and have a great group of friends. I graduated from Middleton Law School over 10 years ago and went straight to work for a firm that recently made me a partner and that I credit for my success.

It’s the side of life most people don’t see that holds a different story.  
  
I’m 37 and the Father of the cutest little boy in the world. There is no bias in that statement. He’s seriously the cutest little guy anyone could meet. I also have one divorce under my belt. Most would assume it was a story everyone has heard before. Marriage, children, life changes, and then divorce happens. It’s not. It’s much more complicated than that.  
  
My ex-wife Bonnie and I met Sophomore year of undergrad. Our relationship developed from a friendship, and it just made sense to be together. We had the college romance people always hope to find. We both entered law school together, finished together, and got jobs immediately after passing the Bar. An engagement and wedding followed soon after and on the outside looking in we were the picture of happily ever after.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

Four years ago I sat in a meeting at the office and reluctantly agreed to have an Intern for the summer. I hated Interns. They were way too ambitious and had no idea how the real world worked. I know that is what they were coming to learn, but I’d never been one for idealistic views and stupid questions. I got the impression my boss wasn’t asking, but rather telling us that we were the chosen few and might as well make the best of it.  
  
I met Laurel Castillo the summer between her 1L and 2L year of law school. She was a student at Middleton University, and her application was one of the few chosen from a pool of hundreds. Only the best from area law schools were accepted, but we weren’t matched based on compatibility. We were assigned an Intern and it was no questions asked. On paper, she was everything I’d prepared myself to hate. She graduated from Brown, was the daughter of some rich guy that owned a Telecommunications company in Florida, and her essay contained just the type of idealism I detested. It was only 3 months. I’d keep her so busy that I didn’t have to deal with her and it would all be over by September.

I knew I was in trouble the moment she walked into my office. She was somewhat reserved, but I knew immediately that she was smart as hell and wouldn’t take shit from anyone. She was also gorgeous. So fucking gorgeous. The kind that came naturally and wasn’t created by the most expensive products and rigorous routines. The kind I knew looked just as stunning when she first woke up as it did standing in front of me in the office. She was, without a doubt, the most beautiful woman I had ever laid eyes on.

I started out the asshole I always intended to be. I quickly let her know that nothing she did would impress me, so she didn’t need to kill herself trying. There was no need to make many plans that summer because they wouldn’t be happening. There would be no getting off early on Friday to go out with friends. There would be no extra vacation time granted to go home and visit family. There would be no special privileges. For the next 3 months, she belonged to our firm. It wouldn’t be fun, but the knowledge and experience earned over that time would prove invaluable when she was looking for her first job.  
  
It was the same summer my home life was falling the fuck apart. Bonnie and I had been married 6 years and trying to start a family for 3. What started out as an exciting milestone ended up being the worst thing we’d ever face as a couple. Month after month passed with no positive news. After a year, the specialists came with all of their invasive tests and expensive appointments. Bonnie became obsessed with it, and I became indifferent. I went from wanting to be a Father to accepting that it just wasn’t meant to be and wanting more than anything to move on. We could travel, spend money on completely frivolous things, and enjoy our life together. Bonnie didn’t agree.

We’d spent well over $50,000 so far in IVF treatments by that time and had just received news that the latest attempt was unsuccessful. It was a complication on Bonnie’s end, not mine, so she took it a little harder each time. At first, we leaned on one another. I thought it was actually bringing us closer. Little by little we started growing more and more distant. Tempers were short, we were careless with one another’s feelings, and home was the last place I wanted to be. Bonnie had checked out of our marriage physically months ago by that point and was finally out of it emotionally as well. It was a perpetual state of mourning around our house, and we had no relationship. We were roommates that only discussed work or the latest fertility plan.

The above is not an excuse for decisions I would make. It was incredibly hard seeing Bonnie struggle through that. It hurt me to see her pain every single time that call came with more negative news. I didn’t realize that what I was feeling wasn’t so much indifference as it was me denying my grief.  
  
Laurel was in the wrong place at the wrong time. It was simple as that. She was a breath of fresh air in my stagnant, depressing life. I was going through a difficult time, and she was just what I needed. I dropped my act of hard ass boss very quickly and discovered the two of us got along incredibly well. She was a natural when it came to work. I enjoyed getting to teach her and watch her brilliant mind churn out fresh ideas and challenge my points of view. We had actual conversation, she made me laugh, and that smile was everything. When she smiled it reached her eyes; those beautiful pools of blue that I got lost in every single time I looked at her.  
  
I missed her on days away from the office. On weekends I would text her bullshit questions about a case I wasn’t even working on just to talk to her. At first, I told myself it was work and was completely innocent and acceptable. I’d lie in bed at night next to my wife thinking about Laurel. My mood would improve when it was time for work all because I’d see her there. The week we were both out of the office for vacation I was miserable. I knew she was traveling to Mexico to see her Mother and I found myself worrying about her while she was away and counting down the minutes until I’d see her again. I was sitting in a fertility specialist’s office that week discussing the next option and thinking about another woman. I was the worst kind of asshole.  
  
A couple of weeks later, after a particularly nasty fight with Bonnie, I crossed the line. I knew I was crossing it as I stepped over, but I didn’t care. I was so tired of living the way we’d been living. It was true I was staying late preparing for court the following day. It wasn’t unusual, and Bonnie didn’t much care when I called to let her know she shouldn’t wait up. When 5:00 rolled around, Laurel sweetly offered to stay late to help me prepare. It was a completely innocent offer on her part; my acceptance was anything but.

As we sat next to one another in my office that night, the case was the very last thing on my mind. My marriage was in shambles, and I had reached my limit. There was a woman full of life and untouched by the cruel realities that are sometimes waiting in the wings. I needed her. I _desperately_ needed her. It started with a kiss and ended with us making love on every surface of my office.  
  
Laurel wasn’t _that_ woman. She wasn’t the woman who slept with her married boss. I knew that. I held her that night and promised her it wasn’t just a quick office fuck. I told her my marriage was all but over and that she hadn’t done anything wrong. I swore to her that I could be completely objective when it came to the work she was doing and that it wouldn’t have any affect on her professionally.  
  
Once that fire was lit it burned completely out of control. I couldn’t keep my hands off her. I spent more and more late nights at the office just so I could make love to her. Before I knew it, I was going to her apartment after work. Taking her in her bed again and again until we passed out from exhaustion. It was the best sex I’d ever had in my life. It wasn’t only that I was nearing my mid 30’s and sleeping with a 20-something-year-old law student. It wasn’t that she was a natural at every single thing she did. It was the fact that we were made for each other - our bodies like puzzle pieces that had finally found one another.

Her last month at our office arrived, and I found myself becoming increasingly depressed at the thought of no longer having her around. The excuses to see her would be gone, and I had no idea what the future held for us. I was married to a woman who didn’t deserve what I was doing to her. She had checked out, but it wasn’t her fault. She was grieving and rather than try to help reach her from whatever pit she’d fallen into, I decided to start fucking my Intern. I tried to fool myself into believing it was that simple knowing all the while it wasn’t.  
  
I lied to Bonnie and told her I had a weekend business trip. Not unusual for us to go out-of-town to meet with some of our top clients. You did what you had to do to keep those accounts. She never questioned it and didn’t seem to care. I’d used that excuse to cover up the fact that I’d planned a weekend trip for Laurel. She’d be done with her Internship the following week, and I knew things would change between us. She wasn’t a realistic option for me. I knew it all along.

That weekend changed the very course of our lives.

It was a Wednesday afternoon in early October when I received a text from Laurel asking if she could meet me after work. We had kept in contact, but things had cooled between us once her Internship ended and the new school year began. I loved her, and it’d been hell without her, but it wasn’t fair to make her promises I couldn’t keep. It wasn’t fair to promise her I would leave Bonnie when I knew very well I couldn’t do it.  
  
I knew something was off when I entered the restaurant that evening. Laurel had already arrived and gotten us a table. I was expecting to be greeted by a hug, and maybe the promise of our dinner leading us back to her place to rekindle what had cooled between us the past month. I wasn’t expecting what I found when I approached the table and took my seat across from her.

Her eyes were red and puffy from crying and I could tell she wasn’t feeling well. My first thought was someone had found out about us and informed the school. My mind instantly started thinking of ways I could fix it for her. I’d be damned if anything we did was going to cost her an education and career. I knew people. Some of those people owed me favors, and I immediately calmed, ready to reassure her that I’d take care of everything.  
  
I was lost somewhere in my plans to fix whatever was wrong in her world when I was abruptly jerked back to reality by the words, “I’m pregnant.” I must have sat there staring at her, unable to say a single word for the longest time. Seasons could have passed outside the restaurant that evening, and I wouldn’t have known it. Time stood completely still. When I finally managed to gather my thoughts, I asked the dumbest question any man in this situation could ask. “Are you sure it’s mine?” The look on her face told me what I already knew before I ever asked. I also knew my question hurt her. Of course, it was mine. I knew I was the only person she had been with that summer.

After that, a case of word vomit took over and I dug my hole deeper and deeper as I apologized for asking a question like that. I promised her everything would be alright. I promised her I would take care of everything financially as if she really needed my money. I promised her it wouldn’t screw up her education and she’d have any job she wanted at our firm - I’d personally see to it. After I finally shut up, she simply looked at me and told me she was planning on getting an abortion. The shakiness in her voice betrayed the decision she tried so hard to pass off as well thought out and final. I sat there like someone had just smacked me across the face.

The noise in the restaurant was a muffled hum as I heard her explain she had made an appointment for later in the week and asked if I would drive her. I nodded in response, offering to stay with her that night if she needed someone. She declined my offer and thanked me for agreeing to take her. I knew without any shadow of a doubt that we were officially over. I’d been the one to start this by crossing a line I should have never crossed, and she was the one ending it.  
  
On the drive home that night I should have felt relief. I should have been elated that I wouldn’t have to explain this to Bonnie. I wouldn’t have to look her in the eye and tell her that after 3 years, thousands of dollars, multiple tests and surgical procedures, and endless rounds of fertility treatments that I’d gotten my 27-year-old Intern pregnant after fucking her six ways to Sunday on a weekend getaway I passed off as a business trip. I should have been fucking giddy.  
  
Relief never came. I felt many emotions, but relief was nowhere in the mix. I thought about the past few months of my life and realized how badly I’d screwed up. I thought about an innocent life being the one to pay the price for all of it. A life that never asked to be created and one that was being ended to protect me. I knew why Laurel was doing it and the reason wasn’t for her. I may have only known her for a few months, but I was certain of that. I had no idea how I was going to walk in our house and face reality.  
  
I felt like a predator that had preyed on a woman who was in no place to refuse me. I knew that wasn’t how things were between Laurel and me, but driving home that night, I felt that way. I’d done this, but she was paying for it. The last straw was realizing I was a Father to a child that would never live because of me. It was more than I could handle. I found myself pulling over on the side of the road and throwing up everything I’d eaten that day on to the ground.

Bonnie’s car was gone when I got home. I went inside and found a note telling me she was out with Annalise and would be home later. In the early days, she would have left me a plate of dinner in the fridge or promised leftovers when she returned home. By that time in our marriage, I don’t think she would have realized if I’d fucking starved and it was justified. I kicked my shoes off by the door, grabbed as many beers as I could carry, and collapsed on the couch.

I didn’t know how much time passed before I heard the door open and Bonnie’s keys hit the kitchen counter. She entered the living room to find my drunken ass sprawled on the couch with empty beer bottles all around. She stood and looked at me for the longest time with no expression on her face. I got hit with blow after blow that evening, so I should have known she had one tucked away for me. “Did your girlfriend dump you?”  
  
_She knew._  
  
I won’t say the question sobered me up because at that point I don’t think much of anything could have, but she had my attention. “I know about your little ‘I’m gonna be late tonight, so don’t worry about dinner.’ and your ‘I’ve got a business trip this weekend!’, Frank. I know she’s a spoiled little rich girl who thinks it’s perfectly fine to fuck another woman’s husband. She’s pretty. I'll give you that. I hope you enjoyed fucking that 20-something-year-old college girl before coming home to sleep next to your dried up 34-year-old wife! I know she’s a student of Annalise’s that’s about to struggle through the last semester of law school she’ll ever attend. She’s done, Frank.”  
  
_She had known._  
  
The beer bottle left my hand before I realized and smashed against the wall. I knew how far gone Bonnie was when she didn’t even flinch. “You do ANYTHING to her,” I said. “I will ruin you.” I stood from my place on the couch and slowly approached her. “Got enough on the two of you to lock you up for the rest of your lives.” The things I knew about Annalise Keating, and the things my wife covered up for her, would give the Philadelphia Police Department enough work for the next year. I’d negotiate immunity for myself, tell them everything they wanted to know, and end the both of them. I’d end up disbarred in the process, but it’d be worth it. Laurel being left alone was worth it. She was paying for enough. Bonnie looked up at me with the same challenge apparent on her face I’d gotten from her from day one. I leaned closer so she’d understand fully, “Try me.”  
  
She looked at me for the longest time without saying a word. We both knew what we once had between us was irreparably broken. I had no idea where we’d go from that point, but we were broken with no chance of repair. “I’m going to bed.” Her voice was void of emotion. “Don’t follow me.” I watched her walk away from me and up the stairs before collapsing back on the couch and drinking myself into a deep sleep.  
  
The day I’d dreaded with every fiber of my being arrived and I wanted nothing more than to turn the car around on my way to pick Laurel up as promised. She didn’t invite me up and was waiting in the lobby of her building when I arrived. She silently got in and said very little on the way to the clinic. I didn’t know what to say. I wanted to beg her to reconsider. I wanted to tell her this could work and not to go through with it. I wanted to promise her things I didn’t even believe myself. I kept my mouth shut. Hard as it was, I realized that I wasn’t the victim here, and I kept my mouth shut.

I took a seat next to her in the waiting area as she filled out paperwork. I watched as she wrote information in each box on the form. I realized before then I had no idea when her birthday was, and I still didn’t know her middle name. When she got to the box asking for ‘Emergency Contact’ she looked at me for permission. I silently nodded and told her my phone number as I knew she’d never memorized it. I watched as she simply wrote ‘Father of Baby’ in the blank asking what my relationship to her was. My heart sunk as I realized the only tangible connection we now had would be no more in a matter of minutes.

She didn’t ask me to go with her to the back when her name was called. I was left sitting in the empty waiting area with every horrible thought running through my head. This was karma. Plain and simple. This is what someone like me deserved. I’d watched my wife struggle with infertility for years and then gotten someone pregnant by accident. I got to know what it felt like to hear I was going to be a Father for a few days before I had to drive a piece of my soul to its end. It was karma and though I knew I’d probably never get over what was happening in that very building, I 100% deserved it.

I was lost in my thoughts when I heard a nurse call my name from the doorway leading back to the exam rooms. I didn’t know things happened that quickly, but I could only assume it was pretty cut and dry. People showed up, had things taken care of, and then they were on their way. The nurse never said a word to me as she opened the door to the exam room. I entered to find Laurel lying back on the exam table crying so hard her whole body was shaking. She had her face covered with her hands as she laid there sobbing. I had no idea what to do other than cross the room as quickly as I could and lean down to wrap her in my arms.

I stood there, leaned over the exam table and rested my head against hers as I wrapped my arms around her and tried calming her down. I didn’t know what had been done to her. I didn’t know if she was in pain, shock, or both. All I could think was how I had done this. I had caused this. “Hey,” I whispered. “I’m here. I’m right here.” That didn’t seem to soothe her as she continued crying. When she finally uncovered her face and looked at me, she burst into tears once again.  
  
“I’m sorry,” she finally cried. She had nothing to apologize for. Before I could tell her that and make her promise that would be the last time she apologized for any of this she told me why. “I couldn’t do it.” I stood there dumbfounded as I let her words sink in. “I’m sorry, and I promise I won’t cause any trouble for you. Your wife never has to know. I’m gonna quit school and move back to Mexico where my Mom lives. You won’t ever have to deal with any of it, I swear, Frank.”  
  
My hand was on her flat stomach before I even knew what I was doing. “Never gonna interfere with your life, Laurel. Promise you.” I had done enough of that to last a lifetime. “Just really hope you don’t take him or her away from me. I want to be a Father if you’ll let me.” I knew nothing except that. I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do about Bonnie. I didn’t have a clue what I was going to do about Laurel. The only thing I knew was I desperately wanted to know my son or daughter. She simply nodded.

From that moment my life changed in more ways than I would have ever expected. Despite how far down the path to ruin we had gone, one of the hardest things I have ever had to do was tell Bonnie. It was an ugly screaming match that ended in both of us crying and admitting we were too broken to save. She said she couldn’t be a Stepmother to my child with Laurel. It would be too painful. Divorce was the only logical option. I told her I wouldn’t blame her if she killed me. I just asked her to please not contact Laurel in any way or hurt her. The little person she was carrying was completely innocent and asked for none of this.

Despite proceeding with the divorce, Laurel and I made no moves to start a relationship. She didn’t want to, and I was in no place to either. We simply agreed to have an amicable co-parenting relationship.  
  
I gave Bonnie the house, cars, and anything else she wanted. I moved out to an apartment in the city closer to where Laurel lived. Once she was free of fertility drugs and I was free from the fog of an affair, we had a long discussion and admitted we’d both contributed to the destruction of our marriage. Somewhere along the way she’d lost herself in the obsession to have children. Rather than try and pull her back, I simply ran away. We were both to blame. I would never stop being sorry for what I did to her. I would never stop being sorry that I was getting what she so desperately wanted. Even when she told me we had to let it go so we could move forward, I knew I never truly would.  
  
Bennett Castillo Delfino arrived a few days after Laurel took her last final for the school year in May. It was almost as if the little guy knew when it was safe for him to show. From the first moment I saw him, I knew I would never be the same again. He was the reason I’d been aimlessly wandering this earth for the past 35 years. We were always supposed to find one another. He was the perfect mix of Laurel and I. There was no denying the middle name Castillo and last name Delfino fit him. I was hopelessly in love with every tiny cell of his 8-pound body. He was everything.

He brought a lot of changes with him and even more lessons. I was trying to learn to be a Father while dealing with the aftermath of my divorce. Every gurgle, coo, and smile I got from him reminded me of what I’d never been able to give Bonnie. I knew it was out of my control, but at her core, she wasn’t a bad person. She didn’t deserve what I’d done to her. Happiness eventually found its way to her again, and she was in a committed relationship with a guy that seemed good for her. I'd heard through mutual friends they were exploring adoption.

Laurel had been with one of her classmates and best friends, Wes, for a couple of years now. It was a hard pill to swallow when around Bennett’s 1st birthday she told me that she was dating someone. Wes was good with Bennett and loved him, so I had no issues with the guy. He seemed to make Laurel happy, so I was happy for them. It was sometimes awkward going to preschool events as a pack of 3, but Wes was a good sport about it. As long as he treated my son well, he’d never have any trouble from me. I promised Laurel I’d never interfere and I meant it.  
  
As for me, I’ve found that a life of solitude suits me in ways I never expected. I’ve been on a few dates since my divorce was final and Bennett arrived, but that’s all they were. Nothing more, nothing less. I know I will never feel what I felt those few months I had with Laurel with anyone else. It was powerful enough to create another life. I fill my days with work and my son. He makes me happier than any relationship ever could.  
  
It’s not always as it seems. Sometimes it’s so broken that it can never be fixed, you lose what you wanted along the way, you have to live with past mistakes, and accept the consequences they left you with. Sometimes that's all you can do.

 

 

 


	2. Chapter 2

The night couldn’t have gone more wrong. 

Laurel and I tailored our custody arrangement to fit whatever suited Bennett best at the time. We’d managed to keep it out of court and had rarely uttered a cross word to one another the  _ almost  _ 3 years we’d been doing this. I always thought it ironic that two lawyers managed to keep their custody issues away from mediation or the courtroom. 

She and Wes decided to move in together a little over a year ago and purchased a home in the suburbs of Philadelphia. It was great that Bennett had a yard to run around in. He loves football, baseball, basketball, and any other kind of sport you can think of. There is no denying he’s my son. I like that he has friends in the neighborhood he can play with whenever he wants. I’ll always be a city guy and have no intention of moving, but far as I’m concerned, he has the best of both worlds.

Laurel called earlier in the week and asked if I minded sticking around when I came to pick Bennett up for the weekend. She told me she had something she needed to discuss with me and it would be best if we did so alone. Wes and Bennett would go for ice cream. I agreed but knew what was coming. Least I thought I did. I was certain she and Wes had decided to get married or were having a baby. Whatever the case, they needed my help to transition Bennett through the change ahead. 

Both possibilities sucked, but I have no right to an opinion. I’m here for Bennett and no one else. What Laurel does with her life and who she shares it with is her business. The fact I’m still in love with her is just something I’ve learned to live with. 

Wasn’t very long ago that suburban life was something I knew all too well. That had been Bonnie’s thing and I’d just followed along. I was reminded of that as I turned down Laurel’s street. The affluence obvious by the size of the homes, perfectly manicured lawns, and luxury vehicles in most of the driveways. She and Wes both work for prominent law firms in the city and have done very well for themselves. They give my son a good, stable life. That is all I can ask for as his Father.

My mood instantly improved as I pulled into their driveway and saw my little brown-haired boy chasing his beloved black Lab, Colby, across the yard. The dog I’d watched more than once when they were out-of-town on vacation. I’d never deny having a weird relationship with the Mother of my child and her significant other. Whatever kept the peace. Plus, he was Bennett's dog, not theirs. 

I barely made it out of the car before Bennett was jumping into my arms. If only I could bottle some of his energy. I hugged him to me, taking in that very unique little boy smell, and tickled his face with my beard as he laughed. “How’s my little man?”

“I good,” Bennett laughed. “I goin’ to you house!” 

“You are,” I smiled. Wes rounded Colby up and had a firm grip on his collar. He and I never had much to discuss, but we were always friendly toward one another. “How’s it goin?” I asked as we quickly shook hands in our usual greeting.

“Everything’s great! Come on in,” he said. “Laurel’s just cleaning up from dinner.” He held the door open and the dog back as I entered the house with Bennett in my arms.

“Mommy!” Bennett called the second we were inside. “I finds Daddy!” 

Laurel entered the living room from where she’d been cleaning in the kitchen wearing pajama shorts that could have been a bit longer for my sake and a tank top that fit her like a glove. I choose to believe she has no idea what she still does to me. If she knows, she should be ashamed of herself. “Hey,” she smiled. “Sorry, we’re a mess around here tonight. Wes had the day off and I got home early so we’ve been cleaning.” 

Bennett wiggled his way out of my arms and took off toward her. He wrapped himself around her legs and hung on as she asked Wes to get his bags for the weekend from upstairs. “You know what?!” She ruffled our little boy's hair as he grinned up at her. “I think Wes said something about going to get some ice cream!” 

His eyes lit up before he turned to look at me. “I go to Daddy’s house!”

I smiled. “How ‘bout you go with Wes so your Mom and I can catch up, and then we’ll go to my house soon as you get back. That sound ok with you?” The closer it got to whatever Laurel had to tell me, the more I dreaded it - convinced news of a pregnancy or engagement was coming. Either option she could have just told me over text and ripped the band-aid off that way. 

“This all you wanted to take to your Dad’s?” Wes asked on his way downstairs with Bennett’s usual bag for my house. Bennett nodded as he let go of Laurel and went to inspect his luggage. 

“Should be,” Laurel said. “He helped me pack! His toy bag was already down here. We packed it last night.” Despite also having what was the equivalent of a toy store at my house, he always insisted on bringing more every time he came over. 

“Cobee can come too?” He asked, digging through his toy bag to make sure nothing had been forgotten.

“No, bud,” Wes told him. “Colby has to stay here. You’ll see him soon as you get back.” They did at least have the decency to not ask me to take the dog for the weekend so they could celebrate whatever Laurel had to tell me. “You ready to go get some ice cream?”

I could only assume I’d be pissed at the two of them for a couple of reasons after all was said and done. The first being whatever news I’d hear soon as Laurel and I were alone. The other was the fact they were getting Bennett all sugared up and sending him with me only a couple of hours before his bedtime. They’re lucky I’d become so patient in my older years. 

“You ready?!” Wes asked. Bennett laughed as Wes knelt so he could climb on his back. He walked over to Laurel and gave her a quick kiss before exiting through the kitchen to their garage.

Laurel immediately started packing the toys Bennett had strewn out around his bags so I wouldn’t have to. “Thanks for agreeing to stick around,” she said. “I could have met you one evening after work. It’s just so hard to fit anything extra in this week. I’ve had to do pick up the past few days because Wes has worked later than usual. Normally, he’s able to do that so I can come home and get dinner going. It’s just been so hectic, so thank you.”

“Laurel,” I said to stop her rambling. Whatever she had to tell me she wasn’t particularly excited about doing. The top possibilities I’d prepared myself for would both fall in that category. “It’s no problem. What’s goin’ on?”

She took a seat near me. I could tell she was trying to figure out the best way to deliver whatever news she needed to get off her chest. “Wes got a job offer.” She looked up at me to gauge my reaction before proceeding. “He’d gotten it about 6 months ago, and we decided to turn it down. A couple of weeks ago the same offer came around again, only the benefits are better this time. A lot better, actually. It’s a great opportunity for him. We went back and forth on what to do, but we decided he just couldn’t turn it down a second time.”

I listened to everything she said without interrupting. Wes taking a new job really had no bearing on my life unless it meant our arrangement with Bennett would need to be altered a bit. No mention of a wedding or baby. Maybe I’d get out mostly unscathed after all. “Well,” I said. “Congrats to him! Don’t blame him for takin’ a good opportunity when it comes along.”

“It’s in San Diego, Frank.” There it was. Band-aid off. Missile launched. Mountain of reality crashing down. She’d finally gotten up the courage to spit it out, and all I could do was sit wishing she’d told me they were getting married or having a baby. 

“California?” I asked. Obviously, it was California, but the mind doesn’t always make sense when trying to form a response to something like that. 

“Yes,” she replied.

I could do the math. She was telling me that Wes was taking a job in San Diego and that she was going with him. I didn’t get the feeling she was about to ask if I’d take on full custody of our son, so I could only assume she was telling me there’s about to be a whole country between me and the most important person in my life. “And you’re going.” Didn't need to ask. I already knew.

She sighed. “I want you to know I didn’t take this decision lightly and I didn’t make it to hurt you. That is the very last thing I want to do. I struggled with it and went back and forth....” If she was waiting on my blessing, she’ll be waiting a long ass time.

“But you made it,” I replied. “Without so much as lettin' me know it might be comin’. You know how far that is? Almost 3,000 miles, Laurel. How am I supposed to compete with that?” I felt my resolve slipping as I thought of everything I’d miss. I thought having to watch Laurel build a life with someone else was my punishment for all I’d done. I wasn’t even close.

“You know your relationship with him is the most important thing.”

“Must not be to you!” How she had the nerve to sit there and say those things, I'll never know. “When’s the move? Next week?” At the rate we were going, I was pretty sure this visit would be our last for quite some time. Guess I needed to make the most of it.

“Frank,” she said. “It’ll be over a month before Bennett and I go. We’re letting him finish his preschool year out here. We’re going out this weekend to find a house, and then Wes will go ahead of us and get everything settled.” I wish I could say I loved hearing their plan, but I didn’t give a shit what they were doing. I’d never said a word about them playing house with my son, but the line had to be drawn some fucking where. 

“No,” I simply said. 

Laurel looked at me as if she couldn't believe I would actually utter that word to her. 

I stood from my place on the couch, walking across the room, as I tried to regain my composure. In all the time she’d known me, she had never seen me this angry. “You’re not takin’ my kid from me, Laurel! Are you fuckin’ stupid? You honestly thought I was just gonna be fine with you takin’ my son 3,000 miles away from me?!”

“I never thought you’d be fine with it!” She replied. “I don’t know what to do, Frank! What do you want me to do? We share a child, but aside from that, you and I live separate lives. Am I supposed to pass up opportunities and base every decision on you from here on out? I never planned to stay here. Wes never planned to stay here. We’ve been here the past 3 years because of him.” 

“Well thank you both for your fuckin’ sacrifice,” I spat. “Two of you are regular martyrs. Not for your selfless actions, I probably wouldn’t even know my kid.” She had lost her fucking mind. "And you're supposed to base every decision you make on him. That's how this works. You don't get to chase your boyfriend across the country."

I could see her becoming more and more angry. "Like it or not, ripping Wes out of his life would also be traumatic for him. Wes has been around since he was a baby." 

"Maybe you should have thought about that before bringing a guy around our son!" I knew I was being an asshole but didn't care. 

"I'm not doing this with you, Frank...."

“This is all gonna be on you,” I said. “When he wonders where I am, wonders why I don’t come pick him up on my regular days, wonders why I’m not at every school event, it’s all on you.” I didn’t even want to look at her anymore. “And you can bet your ass I’m not gonna lie to him about it.”

“You think I don’t know that?!” She yelled. “Do you honestly think I don’t know that, Frank? That there is a very real possibility that one day he’s going to ask questions that I’ll have to answer? That even though I’m honestly trying to make this situation work, he could still grow up to resent me for it?” I sat back down, still unable to look at her, but suddenly feeling as if the weight of what I was facing was too much. 

“I’m willing to do anything to keep this as normal for him as possible,” she said. I was convinced now more than ever that she was certifiably insane. She’d hidden it so well. She actually believed the shit she was telling me. 

I laughed sarcastically, “Cause livin’ 3,000 miles from your Dad is normal, run-of-the-mill shit, Laurel. Gonna need you to come back to reality and listen to yourself.” 

“Frank.” She was growing frustrated with me but what the hell did she expect? “Look, I know it’s going to change things, but if we…”

“You better get yourself a lawyer,” I said. 

The look on her face told me everything I needed to know. I’d finally pushed the right button, and I was about to see Laurel Castillo furious for the first time also. “Seriously?! Are you serious right now? You’re going to take me to court and put him through that when we’ve ALWAYS been able to figure our own stuff out? You're really ready to go there?”

“Yeah,” I said. “I’m ready to go there, Laurel. You’re sittin’ here tellin’ me that you’re followin’ a guy 3,000 miles and takin’ my kid…”

“OUR kid,” she corrected.

“Taking OUR kid with you? Please. Lucky I’m not some asshole that would take him this weekend and not bring him back.” The moment it came out, I regretted it. Wasn’t my finest moment.

I saw the tears before they ever spilled over. She knew I would never do that to her. I couldn’t do that to her. No matter how pissed off I was at her, I knew she lived for that little boy just as much as I did. “I know you’re angry at me, but…” 

“Leave him here,” I said. We’d see how she liked the tables turned. “You go with Wes and leave him with me. No worries, of course, I’d figure out some arrangement to placate you.” 

The look of disgust she shot my way said more than she ever could. “I’ve had primary custody of him his entire life. Who do you think is honestly going to take that from me and give it to you?” 

“I know a lot of powerful people in this town, Laurel,” I reminded her. At that moment, I wasn’t above using one of them. 

“Yeah?” She said. “So do I. Maybe not in this town, but I know people you don’t want to try either.”

At that, I had to laugh. “Yeah, just have Daddy Dearest kill me. Problem solved!” Laurel’s Dad was a questionable character. Most days, Laurel claimed she didn't go to him for anything, but he was the first person to the rescue when anything was wrong in her life. Just one more thing she said that she didn’t mean. 

“You’re an asshole,” she spat. 

“Few things I’d like to call you right now too,” I assured her. It had been a smart move on their part having Wes take Bennett for ice cream. I would hate for my son to watch me whip Wes’ ass in the middle of his own living room. 

“Stop.” She said. “Just stop.” She started pacing around the living room, visibly upset and just as confused on how we reached this point as me. “I don’t know how we’re going to figure this out, but I know that I want to, Frank. We’ve always had a good relationship when it came to him, and I don’t want that ruined. I’m willing to compromise. I’m willing to try my best to make any requests you have work. I’m willing to do _anything_ , but I can’t do that if you drag me to court and try to take him from me.”

"Don't always get our way, do we?" Not only was she telling me she was taking my son, but now she was telling me I couldn't take legal action against her.  _For the good of our son_ , of course. 

She stood there silently for the longest time. She wiped the tears she couldn't hold back and did her very best not to break down in front of me. Every time I felt myself start to feel bad for making her cry, I remembered how far away she was moving my son. I got over that real quick. "I'm sorry," she said. "All I can do is promise you that I'll do anything to make this work."

I was done talking. There was nothing more to say. She’d made up her mind and was planning to take my son across the country and have me settle for whatever arrangement she came up with. The reality was Bennett would be crushed to be taken from Laurel. He was a 3-year-old little boy who loved his Mom more than anyone in the world. As much as it killed me to admit it - Bennett needed to be with Laurel. Didn’t mean I had to admit any of that to her. I picked up his bags, “I’ll be in the car waitin’.” 

“Frank,” she said. “Please don’t do this.”

I never looked back as I walked out of the house and left her there upset and unsure of what I was thinking or planning to do. I’d let her think I was going home to assemble an army to hopefully keep my son on the East Coast while she was doing her best to take him to the West. That at least left me with a false sense of leverage. I’d have to admit to her soon enough that I was going to let her take him because I knew being with her was the best thing for our son. Tonight? Well, tonight I’d let her worry the way I was going to have to for the foreseeable future. 


	3. Chapter 3

It's been 2 weeks since I got the news that Laurel would be taking Bennett across the country. I say "got the news" but what I should say is it's been 2 weeks since I was told that would be happening. Wasn’t as if I had any real choice in the matter.

Things had been interesting between Laurel and I since I'd learned of their move. I'd yelled at her. She'd yelled at me. I'd hung up on her. She'd hung up on me. We'd had better times in our co-parenting relationship.   
  
Bennett knew he was moving and was excited. Laurel and Wes had really built San Diego up in his 3-year-old mind. Zoo, Disneyland nearby, Legoland, the beach - you name it, they’d told him California had it. The one thing I don’t think he realized was that I wouldn’t be going with them. There would be no more impromptu trips to Eagles, Phillies, or Sixers games. There would be no late night calls where a little voice asked if I’d come get him cause he wanted to sleep in my bed. There would be no Wednesday night dinners at my parents' house before going home and allowing him to pick whatever movie he wanted to watch as he fell asleep.

None of that would be happening with him 2,700 miles away.

I’d waited as long as I possibly could to tell my family the news. I knew they’d lose their shit and they did not disappoint. I was lying on the couch watching TV at my parents’ house and could hear my Mom in the kitchen ranting and raving about it on the phone to one of her sisters.

“I can’t believe she’s just takin’ him like that!” My brother was as helpful as my parents. Always ready and willing to state the obvious.

My Dad muted the TV, obviously game for this conversation. I have no idea why I thought coming to their house was a good idea. I was better off sitting around my house depressed. “I say you outta get a lawyer, Frankie. Not right how she’s just loadin’ him up and carryin’ him to God knows where.”

“California,” I said.

It was bad enough I had to think about this every single second of my day. Now I had to listen to the meltdowns my damn family was having. There were very brief moments of time where I’d forget, but never for very long. I’d spent every single day and night of the past 2 weeks dreading the inevitable and not having a clue how I’d survive with my little guy so far away.

“It’s bullshit is what it is,” Dad continued. “Tellin’ you, I’d get a lawyer.”

I didn’t feel like telling him there would be no use. What kind of asshole would I be to rip a 3-year-old child away from his Mother? The answer is the same type asshole to rip a 3-year-old child away from his Father. I’m trying to rise above. Trying to take Bennett from Laurel just wasn’t a realistic option for me. I couldn’t do it.

Coming to that conclusion also made me realize my feelings for her were clearly stronger than any she ever had for me. Maybe I had her pegged wrong all along. There I was thinking the whole time that she got caught up in the same whirlwind romance I did. Now I was pretty certain I was just another notch on her bedpost. A story to go back and tell her friends. I could never do to her what she was doing to me. Admitting all of that to myself had really fucking sucked.

“Just,” my brother started in again. “Who does that? Clearly, her relationship with her own Dad must’ve been seriously fucked up, or she would know what she was takin’ from Ben.” The thought had crossed my mind, I could not lie.  
  
“Control your mouth in here.” My Grandma slowly hobbled in the living room to join us guys. I took another stab to the heart as I laid there thinking about our time left with her being limited. We were blessed to have her around long as we had. She’d gotten to love and spoil Bennett for 3 years, and I’d always be grateful for that. Still, I was pissed that whatever amount of time she had left with my son was being robbed. “You doin’ ok, love?”  
  
I sat up so she could take a seat next to me. “I’m good, Grandma.”

She placed her hand on my arm. “She’s young, Frankie. She doesn’t realize now what she’s doin…”

“She’s a grown ass woman,” my brother yelled. He was the most stereotypical example of an older brother you could find. Grew up trying to beat the shit out of me, but was ready to go to battle anytime I had a problem. “How old is she again!? Old enough to know better! I know that much!”  
  
“She’s 30,” I said quietly. I really didn’t have the energy to do this again.  
  
“She’s getting a piece of my mind if she comes around here!” There was Mom. This day was going from bad to worse. “This is what happens when you can’t keep your business in your pants, Frank. You screw around with some young thing. All of this could have been prevented!”  
  
I closed my eyes. Frustrated was an understatement. “Obviously. If I hadn’t screwed around with her, as you put it, Bennett wouldn’t exist. So no, we wouldn’t have this problem.”

“You know what I meant,” she snapped. “I mean what I say, Frank, you let her darken my front door and she’s had it. I’ll tell her exactly what I think of her.” Let the record show that my family has always liked Laurel. Even though we aren’t together and she’s with someone else. Hell, they’ve always liked Wes! Now they were out for blood. I come by most of the shit I do honestly.

"She's got a lot of nerve," my Dad added. "I tell you that!"

"Oh, she's got that sweet, innocent act down!" Mom was furious and getting more worked up by the second. "She had us fooled!"

"Ma," I said.

"Don't you DARE defend her, Frank!" Now Mom was ready to whip my ass.

“I'm not, but can we all remember his preschool graduation and party is comin’ up next weekend?” I wouldn’t have Bennett’s final event in Philadelphia ruined by my family. He deserved our best and that is what he was going to get. We were going to pull ourselves together, smile, and act normal for a change. “Nobody is gonna go off on Laurel or make some jackass statement that will only start a fight, got it?”  
  
“I don’t even know why I’m going,” my Mom said. She started to cry as she sat down on the other side of me. I had Grandma on one side trying to keep the peace and Mom on the other upset that she couldn’t stage a revolt. I had no idea how this had become my life. “I just can’t believe this is happening.”  
  
“I know, Ma.” I tried my best to comfort her. “It’s not like we’ll never see him again. He’s spendin’ the whole month of July with us.” We had an entire calendar to work through, but Laurel and I had gotten the summer mapped out at least. Move in June, spend the month here in Philly in July, and back to California for his last month of summer break. After that, I had no idea what we’d work out.

“I wouldn’t trade him for anything, but was all this really worth losin’ Bonnie over?” Now she’d crossed a line. What happened between Bonnie and me was mostly my fault, but it brought us Bennett. If she was asking me to regret ever meeting Laurel she was going to be disappointed. “You two could have adopted, found a surrogate, something! Anything but what we’re goin’ through now!”

I shook my head and stood from my place on the couch. “Who the hell you think gave us Bennett? Didn’t just find him, Ma. We only have him ‘cause of Laurel. Remember that when you go on one of your rants to whatever family member you’re discussin' my business with!"  
  
“I don’t understand why you aren’t more upset,” she said. I knew she was just upset, but I wasn’t doing this with her now. “Have you even told Laurel you didn’t want her to take him?!”  
  
“Of course I have, Ma,” I said. “Jesus!”  
  
“You won’t get a lawyer; you won’t let us say anything.” Her tears started again. “We’re supposed to just sit by and say nothing while she carries our grandson across the country.” I loved my Mom, but I couldn’t take any more of this.  
  
I got up, walked out of the room, and made my way out the back door to take a seat on the patio. This is exactly the reason I’d delayed telling them as long as possible. I knew they’d want to do something, but sometimes all you can do is nothing. I’d weighed every option I had, and they all brought me back to the same thing - I couldn’t separate my son from his Mother. It just wasn’t a viable option.  
  
I’d yet to have a good breakdown over what was coming. I’d yet to let my guard down, admit I was about as tough as Grandma when it came to my little boy, and just let every pent up emotion out. I’d been shocked and angry about it, but I’d never just let myself be sad. If I were to admit to myself how much I’d miss him, I’m not sure I’d make it.  
  
The back door opened and my brother stepped out. He handed a freshly opened beer in my direction before taking a seat next to me. “They’ll come around.” He took a drink of his beer and sat in comfortable silence with me for the longest time.

“You notice we always end up out here when we got some bullshit goin’ on?” Both of us were out here drinking the night before our weddings, before his kids were born, when I told everyone Bennett was on the way and was getting a divorce, and now before my son was moving to what may as well be the dark side of the moon. Mom and Dad’s patio had served us well.

“Yeah,” he agreed. “Dunno what I’d do. You know my boys are little shits, but they keep us goin’....”

I took a drink of my beer, “Yeah, me either.” That was the truth. I had no idea how I was going to survive here without Bennett. No idea how I was going to adjust to seeing him on a phone screen rather than in person. I thought about him getting a cold, falling and hurting himself, learning new things, making new friends, and the only thing I’d be able to do was hear about it over the phone. “Got no idea what I’m gonna do.”

"I get it," he said. "I do. Got 2 Mama's Boys myself. Say that in the nicest way possible. I couldn't fight her if we were to split. Boys would be heartbroken without her." Finally, someone in my crazy family understood. 

I nodded as I took another drink. "He's always been so attached to Laurel. Gonna have a hard time either way, but he'd have a harder time being separated from her. I can't do that to him. Might be different if he were older, but he's still a baby. He just turned 3. He needs to be with her." 

“Why’d you and Laurel never just try to be together?” My brother didn’t mince words. He had never been much for that.

I sat there contemplating his question for a few minutes. It should have been that easy, but it wasn’t. “She didn’t want to,” I answered honestly. It was the truth. It was one part of the truth, but she hadn’t wanted to start a relationship once I was divorced and she decided to have Bennett.

He laughed. “Had no problem bein’ with you before then. Or was that the, what do they say, thrill of the chase? Once she had the old rich lawyer it just wasn’t as excitin’ anymore?”  
  
“Wasn’t that,” I replied. I had honestly never believed that was it. I was learning a lot of harsh truths here lately, but I knew there had been something real between Laurel and me at one time. “Think she was just freaked out. Everything happened so fast between us, then I was gettin’ a divorce, she was pregnant. It was a lot.”  
  
He shrugged. “Still fucked up that she’s takin’ Ben from us. What’s she gonna be doin’ out there anyway? She found a job?”  
  
“No,” I replied. “Think she’s gonna get Bennett settled in and then look for somethin’. Dunno how that’s gonna go. Laurel’s not the stay at home type.”

“Was just gonna say.” He finished his beer and chucked the bottle into the yard. It’d give Mom something new to bitch about at least. “You worked out child support? Not fair to make you pay for half his shit when you’ll see him about a fourth of what you always have.”

I rested my head against the back of the chair. He was just trying to look out for me, but he was beginning to get on my nerves. “I’m gonna keep him on my health insurance like he’s always been. Told her I’d pay half of all medical bills and school costs. She’s gonna be the one to file him on her taxes every year now instead of us alternatin’. You know money has never been a thing between us. She wasn’t exactly a poor college student when I met her.”

He laughed. “I wouldn’t pay a dime toward plane tickets gettin’ him back out here. They want to take him that far away, then they can pay to send him back to us.” He hadn’t heard a word I’d just said about money not having a place in this argument. For some, it might be a deciding factor or ammunition in a fight. It wasn’t for us and never had been. “What’s her folks say?”

I finished my beer and tossed the bottle out where my brother’s rested on the lawn. “Dunno,” I answered honestly. “I only see them at stuff for Bennett. Don’t imagine they care where she lives. Won’t change anything ‘bout their lives.”

“Her Dad,” he laughed. “How is ol’ Jorge?”  
  
I shook my head. “Probably still launderin’ money.” Laurel’s Dad had reached out to me exactly once in the course of time I’d known her. It was when he found out I was a Tax Attorney that mostly dealt with International Taxation and Federal Tax Litigation. The ‘understanding’ he was hoping we’d reach never happened. I politely told him that I was involved with his daughter and was the Father of his grandson; I had no desire to become a career criminal.

He then asked for my discretion, and I told him the conversation never happened. I’d been married to a Criminal Defense Attorney for 6 years who had covered up murders and God only know what else. I could grant Jorge Castillo one free pass. “It’s why he doesn’t bother me. He’s always nice when I do see him. He gives Wes hell from what I hear.”  
  
“Can’t make that shit up,” my brother laughed. “I ‘member that too! Next time you saw me, you said Laurel’s Dad basically asked you to help him keep the Feds off his ass. No tellin’ how much money that son of a bitch has in foreign accounts! Better hope Beaver Cleaver never finds out.”

I laughed at his nickname for Wes. “It’s all black and white where he’s concerned. He’s not wrong, but you gotta turn a blind eye sometimes. He’ll learn. It’s why her Dad doesn’t like him. He knows the guy is too straight laced.” Wes was a good guy. He was a good example for my son to see. He wasn’t the best match for the Castillo family. “Jorge keeps Laurel out of it. That’s all I care ‘bout. He ever goes down; she won’t go with him.”

“Her brother in it?”

“Oh yeah,” I said. “Knee deep. He’s basically Jorge Jr.” I had to give myself credit when it came to finding women with fucked up families. Half of Bonnie’s were in prison, and most of Laurel’s should have been. I added that as a reason why I just wasn’t going to look for anyone else. Next woman I found would probably be the daughter of a serial killer.  
  
“Long as they never try to recruit Bennett,” he said.  
  
“Not long as I’m livin',” I swore. “Not like we’re any better. Uncle Vin's a Bookie.”  
  
“Bennett doesn’t stand a chance, Bro,” he laughed.

I smiled. “He’s already good with numbers.”


	4. Chapter 4

The day I’d been dreading had arrived.

I had spent as much time with Bennett over the past few days as I could, but Laurel had requested he stay with her the day of the move. It was just as well. I was in no shape to have him with me all day.

I still didn’t think he fully understood. He knew Wes had been living somewhere else the past couple weeks, but his little mind couldn’t grasp the permanence of it. He couldn’t understand that when he and Laurel flew out tonight, it would be several weeks before he’d see me again. I don’t think even I, at almost 38 years old, had quite grasped it either.

The arrangement was as follows - I’d have him the month of July, I was flying to California over Labor Day to take him up to Disneyland for the weekend, I’d get him a week in October, the week of Thanksgiving in November, and then a week in December. I tried not to think about how, after our July visit, there were 153 days left in the year. I would have Bennett around 30 of those. If I thought about it, I didn’t know that I would make it.

I could fly out way more often than I’d planned, but I didn’t want to give him the wrong idea. I lived here, and he would be in California. There would be times I couldn’t hop on a plane and go out. I never wanted him to think I wasn't coming by choice. I wanted to see him every single day, but it just wasn’t possible. It was a harsh lesson for such a little guy to learn, but it was our reality.  
  
I pulled into their drive for what would be the last time. I’d been making this drive multiple times a week for over a year now. The neighborhood was a popular one, so it wasn’t hard to sell if you decided not to stay. Laurel had told me they already had buyers, so that was taken care of. In a few hours, there would officially be no traces of a life lived here for her.

I took my time getting out of the car and making my way to the front door. I was in no hurry. They were taking a late flight so that, hopefully, Bennett would sleep most of the way. Wes was in California, the movers had left earlier in the day, and all that was left was dropping Laurel and Bennett off at the airport. Because I hate myself, I volunteered to do the honors.

I heard the familiar giggles of my little boy as I rang the doorbell and waited on the front porch. He was climbing up me and into my arms as soon as Laurel opened the door. “Daddy!”

“Hey, buddy,” I hugged him to me as tight as I could and kissed his little cheek. He continued laughing as he wrapped his arms around my neck. I wasn’t going to do this already. I had to keep it together for him. He was excited and deserved to be. I couldn’t ruin that for him. “You excited?”

“Yes!” He giggled. “You squeezin’ me too tight, Daddy!”

I loosened my grip on him. He had no idea it wasn’t possible to squeeze him too tight. I was trying to memorize everything about him. I knew the next few days was going to be hell, so I’d need these moments to get me through. “Know what! Cobee is at my new house! Wight, Mommy?” The way he said that dog’s name is one more of the million things I'd miss.

"That's right," Laurel smiled. "We couldn't leave Colby behind." I could sense the sarcasm in her voice. The dog had been Wes and Bennett's thing; Laurel simply tolerated the animal. I did notice she'd sent the Lab out with Wes when he'd moved. 

“I bet he likes your new house already! Got a big yard to play in, I hear.” I just had to keep telling myself to act enthused. “Is your room ready?” I stood him down on the floor and watched as he immediately took hold of Laurel who was standing next to us.

“Say not yet,” Laurel smiled. “We’re gonna finish it next week, right? Go pick out everything you told me about, remember? You told me you wanted footballs, soccer balls and baseballs in there…”

“And bassetballs,” he corrected.

Laurel smiled, “And basketballs. That’s right." His room at my house had been decorated during his obsession with trains, cars, planes, and any other form of transportation one could imagine. He was all boy. 

He took off running into the empty living room as we stood and watched him. “He’s been fascinated by the empty house,” Laurel said. “It’s crazy how much he’s grown in a little over a year. He doesn’t even remember living in the apartment before we moved here.”

“They grow fast.” I wasn’t going to do this. I promised myself I wasn’t going to get into any type of discussion with Laurel that might end in an argument. We’d done that enough over the past few weeks. I was going to make the best of a shit situation. “I know every time I see him it’ll blow my mind.” I meant that in the nicest way possible, but it was true. I thought he'd grown if I went longer than a week between seeing him. I didn't know what an entire month or more would feel like. I'd never been away from him for that long since he'd been born.   
  
“You know I’m going to send you pictures every day,” Laurel promised. “Multiple times a day.”  
  
She really had no idea how hard this was. I was trying not to be angry, but it was hard. A picture is no substitute for seeing your child in front of you. She could send videos and pictures all day long, and it wouldn’t change the fact that an entire country was between us. I nodded, deciding it was probably best not to respond.  
  
“Frank,” she said quietly.  
  
“I’m not here to make you feel better, Laurel.” What could I say? I did try. “Not here to be happy about this.”  
  
“I didn’t say that,” she replied. I could tell she didn’t know what to say. I hoped she might be putting herself in my shoes for a change. I hoped she was thinking about what she might feel like if the situation were reversed. How she’d feel if she was waiting to drive me and our son to the airport and watch us leave for good. “I know this is hard.”  
  
“No,” I replied. “I don’t think you do.” I got no response from her on that. She knew nothing she could think to say would be well received. “Since we’re on the topic of communication, from here on, you can contact me. I don’t want to hear anything from Wes. We have no reason to speak to one another.”  
  
Laurel sighed. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is. It’s fine if you don’t want to speak to him, but don’t make an issue about it in front of Bennett.” She had a lot of nerve standing there giving me a lecture on how to behave in front of our son. “As long as you guys can get along when he is around, you can hate him the rest of the time.”

“I just don’t get how he could ask you to do somethin’ like this knowin’ he was a factor,” I told her. “That’s all. He knows I’m here and he was still selfish enough to ask you to move across the country.” Maybe that would give her something to think about on the flight out. It was gonna be a long one. “I just don’t think Bennett was anywhere in his thought process when he was makin’ this decision or he wouldn't have made it.”

“You can be mad at him if that is what you need to do,” Laurel replied. “That’s fine. If that helps, then by all means, be mad at him. Just know that he was the main factor when it came to making this decision. It’s why we struggled with it for so long.” The fact that she made it seem like they'd done me a favor by staying here so I could have a relationship with my son pissed me off more than anything. However, I decided to let it go. There was no point in arguing about it anymore. What's done is done. 

I didn't believe there had been this big struggle when it came to making this decision. I loved Laurel and probably always would. I believed that she was the best Mom for our son and that she put him first, but somehow her common sense had gone right out the window on this one. Wes had no family. He never had a Father. I didn’t say that to be inconsiderate. I said it because he didn’t know what it was like separating a Father and child. He never had it to know what he was taking away from Bennett.

I looked at my watch and realized it was time to go if they were going to get through security without being rushed. Laurel and I wordlessly gathered up the few things she was taking and started turning lights off. I picked Bennett up and followed Laurel out on the front porch as she turned to lock the door and put the key into the lockbox for the realtor.

This was really happening. 

“Did you bring his cup?”

“Yeah,” I replied. I’d brought his cup and a bag full of snacks just as she’d asked me to do. I opened the back door and got him buckled in his car seat.

"Hey, Daddy!" I smiled at him as I made sure the straps were secure across his chest. I would never get tired of hearing him say my name. 

"Hey, Bennett!" I replied. 

He giggled. "No, you 'posed to say what!" 

"Ok," I said. "What?" 

"You my best fwiend!" I didn't know if it was the universe out to get me, or if I just needed to get over myself, but I didn't think I would make it through this. It would have been much easier if I'd just told him "goodbye" a few days ago and let Laurel text me when they arrived in California. 

Instead, I smiled, "You're my best friend, too." I leaned down and kissed him before shutting the back door and making my way around to the driver's side.

I got in to see Laurel handing Bennett his cup and opening a bag of snacks for him.  I could do this. Start the car, drive, make myself walk them into the airport. I had this. 

“Mommy, I not want water,” he said as he took a drink and realized what it was.

“We’ll get some juice once we get to the airport, Bennett,” she explained.

“Coulda brought him somethin’ else…”

“No,” she said. “We can’t take it through security if he doesn't drink it all, so water is good.”  
  
We rode in uncomfortable silence most of the way. Never since we’d known one another had we been unable to start a conversation. I was struggling, and judging by her behavior, she was too. “So, what time does your flight arrive there?”  
  
“I think around 1AM,” she said. “That’ll be what? 4AM here? I can wait and call you when I know you’ll be awake. I can set my alarm.”  
  
There was no way I’d get any sleep. I’d worry until I knew they had landed safely in San Diego. “Just call when you land,” I replied. “Doesn’t matter what time it is.” As much as reality had come crashing down over the past few weeks, I still found myself in denial at times. I wasn’t dropping them off for a trip out to visit California. I was dropping them off so they could go start a new life there.  
  
“I don’t want to leave things like this, Frank. I don’t want you hating me for this.”  
  
I didn’t reply for a few minutes. I carefully thought about how I was going to respond to her. The last thing I wanted to do was get in a fight, and then the two of them get on an airplane. “Gonna take me some time, Laurel. This changes things between us, not gonna lie. I could never hate you though. You know that.”  
  
She was silent for the rest of the ride. I was pretty certain things would never be the same between us again. We’d go from seeing one another several times a week to hardly at all. Exchanging Bennett would be the extent of our contact. We’d never tried a romantic relationship again, but I had always considered her a friend. I was losing more than my son to California.  
  
It would have been much easier to toss them out at the door, but I couldn’t do that. I found parking so I could walk them in. I got out and opened the back door to find a heavy-eyed Bennett. “You got a sleepy travel partner back here…”

Laurel smiled as she got their carry on out. “That’s what I’m hoping for.”

“Come on, bud.” I lifted him out of the car seat and tickled him so he’d wake up a bit. “Better wake up! You gotta help Mommy!” I grabbed his cup and handed it to him before closing the door and following Laurel to the terminal. Every step I dreaded a little more than the last. The moment I’d been dreading for weeks, saying goodbye, was fast approaching.  
  
By the time we’d gotten inside Bennett had his head resting on my shoulder. “You better wake up,” I said patting his back. He raised up and laughed as I tickled his belly. That’s when it hit me. Something as simple as hearing his laugh. I hugged him to me as I felt the tears spill over. I'd tried my best to keep that from happening, but knew it was no use. No matter how much I tried not to think about distance changing our relationship, I couldn’t help it. “Listen,” I said to him. He looked back at me with serious eyes. “You behave for your Mom and Wes. You help Mommy whenever she asks you to. I'm just a phone call away and we'll see each other as much as we can, ok?”  
  
“You not comin’ too?”  
  
“No, bud,” I said. “I can’t go with you. I have to stay here.”  
  
He nodded and placed his little hands on my face. “Why you sad?”  
  
I kissed his cheek before hugging him to me again, “Cause I’m gonna miss you.” I knew I had to let him go. If I could have, I would have stood there holding him all night. “I love you so so much. More than anything in the whole world."  
  
“Love you too, Daddy!” He spread his little arms apart. "Dis much!" He was killing me.

"Still not much as I love you," I told him. He loved playing this game. It was true, there was no way he could ever know just how much I loved him. I didn't know I could love anyone that much until the first moment I saw him.   
  
I stood him on the ground and watched as he took hold of Laurel’s hand. It was the first time I realized she had tears streaming down her face just like I did. She was the best and worst thing that had ever happened to me. Painful as this moment was, I didn’t regret decisions I’d made concerning her for a second. I couldn’t. She took a step toward me and wrapped her free arm around my waist.

I pulled her to me and held her as tightly as I could. “Take care of yourself,” I whispered. “You ever need anything….” I stopped talking. I was doing everything in my power to keep from breaking down in public and in front of our son, so I just had to stop talking. I felt her nod as we continued hugging. I got the feeling she was struggling with the same thing.

She attempted to wipe her tears away and get herself under control as she pulled away. “Give Daddy one more hug,” she told Bennett. “Tell him you love him and will see him soon!”

"Why you cwy, Mommy?" Anyone in the world could cry in front of him and he took it right in stride - except Laurel. Seeing her upset was more than he could handle. I understood completely. 

"I'm ok, baby," she said. I could tell he wasn't convinced. "Go ahead, give Daddy another hug before we have to go!"   
  
He wrapped his little arms around my legs and stood on my feet as I ruffled his hair. He looked up at me and smiled, “Love you, Daddy. I see you soon!”  
  
“Promise?” I smiled. I picked him up and tickled him just so I could hear that laugh one more time. "Promise?!"  
  
“Pwomise!” He laughed. "I pwomise, Daddy!" I hugged him to me one last time, noticing Laurel had turned away from us as she tried to get herself under control again. I held him until she turned back around and I could see she'd gotten herself together. 

I watched as Laurel took his hand and they walked away to go check in. I could have watched them all the way to the security gate but knew if I didn’t leave then I’d never be able to let them go. I could feel how different my world already was as I walked back to the car. I’d just put my entire life on an airplane, and I had no idea where to go from there. As I got in the car to leave, I wasn’t sure that I ever would.

 


	5. Chapter 5

3 weeks had passed since Bennett left for California.  
  
A long ass 3 weeks.  
  
I was closer to having him with me, but getting through the past month had been hell.  
  
I’d done my best to keep busy at work. I accepted any client that came my way when typically I was turning people down or referring them to someone else in our firm. Usually one of our new, overly ambitious Associates. Not anymore. Pulling 12-16 hour days meant I had less time to sit around missing him.  
  
The first week he was gone, I tried Wednesday night dinner at my parents’ house. It was so depressing that my Mom put the weekly tradition on hiatus for the time being. Nothing was the same.  
  
Nothing.  
  
I was reminded of him in everything I did, and everywhere I went. I’d put all his things in his room and shut the door. I still found myself going in there late at night when the exhaustion of the day was just enough to render me helpless against emotions. I’d sit on his bed and let myself feel whatever awful shit I needed to feel and then I’d attempt to go on as normal.  
  
It had been hell.  
  
Laurel sent pictures and videos every single day just as she’d promised. She also called every night at his bedtime so I could tell him goodnight. Part of me wondered just how long that would continue before she got tired of it and thought I’d had plenty of time to move on.

Bennett seemed to genuinely like it out there, so I was thankful for that. He’d already been to the Zoo a couple of times, to play on the beach, and they were taking him to Legoland this weekend. I wasn’t sure how he’d feel when life returned to normal, but I was happy he was enjoying it for the time being.

I didn’t know how Laurel was making it out there. She’d lived different places growing up, so she could adapt pretty easily. When she called, we made small talk about Bennett before she put him on the phone. As much as I hated what happened, I didn’t want her to be unhappy. If Wes and California made her happy, then that is where she needed to be.  
  
I’d had no dealings with Wes since the move. He never answered when I called, and I never heard or saw him in the background when I was on the phone with them. He seemed to know he needed to steer clear. Laurel was flying out with Bennett next month by herself, so I think he got the memo.  
  
In the first few days after they left, I contemplated getting a lawyer again. I thought even if we had some type of joint arrangement that gave me visitation more often, then I’d somehow be able to survive. After thinking about how much travel that would be on a 3-year-old, I changed my mind and decided to grow a set where this situation was concerned.  
  
I’ve never been a very sentimental guy. I’m not one that sits around talking about the good old days and thinking about how it once was. I wasn’t one to sit around and look at Bennett’s baby pictures for hours at a time and wonder how the hell he’d grown up so fast. I just wasn’t that guy. This situation? Well, it had made me that guy.  
  
One night I found myself looking through pictures on my computer. I discovered some I’d taken in Bennett’s first few weeks of life when I was staying with Laurel to help her out. She was exhausted, and I did what I could to make sure she got the little amount of sleep she could. Bennett and I would sit up in the living room together while I watched whatever crap you find on TV in the middle of the night. Those days had been exhausting, but I’d give anything to be sitting up all night with him again.  
  
I busied myself with work while I waited for their call. It was past the normal time, so I was hoping this wasn’t going to be the night Laurel chose to start slowly spacing calls out. It had been a shitty day, and I missed that little guy more than usual.

I’d been lost in work for over an hour when the phone finally rang. “Hey,” I answered.

“I’m so sorry,” Laurel apologized. “We were out later than usual, and then he had a couple of meltdowns during bath time, so again, I’m sorry.”  
  
She sounded frazzled. It wasn’t like Bennett at all to have meltdowns or throw tantrums. How he escaped that with Laurel and I as his parents was unknown to me, but he was a pretty even-keeled little dude. “He awake?”  
  
“Yeah,” she said. “Bennett, your Daddy is on the phone.”  
  
I heard muffled whispering between Laurel and our son before the best sound I’d heard all day came through. “Hey, Daddy…”  
  
“Hey, Buddy! You have fun today?” I never knew what he was going to tell me, but I’d quickly discovered he could recite the phonebook and I’d be perfectly fine just getting to hear his voice.  
  
“No.” That was a first.  
  
“No?” I asked. “What’s the matter? How come you didn’t have fun? You’ve been havin’ fun!”  
  
“I not like my food,” he explained. “And Mommy was mean.”  
  
“Mommy was mean?” I smiled. I couldn’t help it. Laurel could be a lot of things, but I had my doubts she’d been what our 3-year-old called mean. “How was Mommy mean?”  
  
“Her made me eat my food,” he said. “And NO ice cweam.”  
  
I’d have to remember to feed him all the ice cream he could consume when I had him here next month. “Rules are rules, Ben. You know you gotta eat your dinner before you get ice cream, right?”

“But...but I wanted ice cweam FOR my dinner!” He was going to be a lawyer someday, I just knew it.  
  
“I know,” I told him. “But sometimes we gotta do stuff we don’t want to do. Next time, eat your dinner and you’ll get ice cream. Mommy wasn’t bein’ mean.” One of the worst parts of parenting was behaving like an adult. I would have been pissed if she’d taken my ice cream too.  
  
We talked for a few more minutes, and then I heard him yawn. We started our goodbyes, which always consisted of a battle on who loved the other more, and he finally handed the phone back over to Laurel. “Meanie…”  
  
She quietly laughed, “I know, right?” I heard her tell Bennett goodnight and close the door to his bedroom. “Frank…” she sighed. It sounded like she needed to talk about something. I’d been expecting a hurried exit off the phone like usual so she could get on with her night. “I’m not sure where to even begin. He’s been acting out so much these past couple weeks. Tantrums, he doesn't listen, he purposefully does things we ask him not to do.....”  
  
This was the first I’d heard of it. Laurel had made it seem like everything had been going great. It wasn’t like Bennett, but he was 3 years old and had been carted 3,000 miles away from the only home he’d ever known. Wasn’t sure what she expected, though I decided it best not to say that to her. I decided to stay quiet and let her talk. 

"It broke my heart taking dessert from him, but he was so defiant at dinner." The boy wanted ice cream. I couldn't blame him. "And then he looked up at me with those Frank Delfino puppy dog eyes and...."  

"Those what?!" I asked. "I don't have puppy dog eyes." Now she was just making shit up.

"Oh, yes you do," she laughed. "You do."  

"I disagree...."    
  
“Whatever,” she laughed before turning serious once again. “Sometimes I think he likes it out here and then I’m convinced he hates it. When we distract him with fun stuff, he's fine. When we do anything remotely normal, he's a different child. We visited his Preschool today, so he could see where he’ll be going, and he hated it. We both left in tears. He wouldn’t let go of me and cried the entire time. By the time I put him in the car, I was in tears.” She stopped talking as she grew more and more overwhelmed at the memory of her day.  
  
“He’s 3, Laurel,” I said. “‘Course he’s gonna have bad days. He doesn’t really know what to think! Everyone needs an adjustment period.”

“He keeps saying he wants to go home,” she continued. “I’ve explained this is home when he’s with me. And that he also has a home with you and that he’ll live at both. Still, he just says he wants to go home. Tonight at dinner Wes told him this was his home and made him cry.”

“Wes is your thing,” I told her. “You don’t want me to deal with him.”

“He didn’t mean to make him cry.” I didn’t suspect he did, but still, I didn’t give a shit about Wes and wasn’t offering any advice on that topic. “This just hasn't been a good week. I’m sorry to unload on you. How are you doing?”

“Just keepin' busy.” That was the truth. I hadn’t thrown myself into work this much since Bonnie and I were having issues. “Nothing really to report outside of work. How ‘bout you? You thought 'bout what you might want to do?”

“I have to pass the Bar here before I can work.” This was the first time I was hearing that she hadn’t taken it. I just assumed she had gone out and taken it when Wes did. They seemed to have everything laid out when they’d thrown it on me. “It’ll just be me and Colby around here while Bennett is with you next month.”

"Fun," I laughed. She loved that dog about as much as I loved her significant other. Maybe a bit more. "Find you a couple dog parks, it'll be great!"

"Stop it."

I wanted to ask her why the hell she had done it. She knew all of this before she ever left Philadelphia, so I was confused on why she was acting shocked by it now. “Guess you could have another kid…” I had to get a dig in somewhere.

“HA!” She practically screamed. “Not happening.”

“Come on,” I laughed. “Would give you somethin’ to do!”

“I’m not that bored, Frank,” she laughed. "I'll play with Colby before I go down that path!" We were quiet for a few minutes. Silence had never been uncomfortable between us, but I could tell this was more than that. Wasn’t long before I could tell she was crying. I should have told her we’d talk later and hung up. I couldn't be that person for her. 

“Laurel…”

“Did I make a huge mistake?” The second she asked, she was crying harder. “Was I wrong to move here and take him from everything he’s ever known? I’m trying so hard to make him happy, everyone happy, but I feel like a horrible Mother. He's just not _our_ Bennett, Frank. He's angry at me. He's in Time Out at least once a day. Do you know how often I had to discipline him before we moved? Hardly ever!”

It was hard for even me to imagine Bennett acting out that much. We had been blessed with about as perfect of a little boy as anyone could get. “You’re not a horrible Mother, Laurel.” That was true. I didn’t agree with the move, but she wasn’t a horrible Mother. She could never be horrible at that. “It’s just going to take him a little while to adjust, that’s all. Once he starts school and makes friends, he’s gonna love it.” I wasn’t sure why I was trying to make her feel better.

“I’m not even sure I love it,” she said.

“That I can’t help you with,” I replied. I had to draw the line somewhere. I would talk to her about Bennett all day long, but it wasn’t my job to make her feel better about her decisions. She wanted to be with Wes and Wes wanted to move to California. I was nowhere in that. “Don’t say that to be rude, but that’s not my place.”

“I know,” she said quietly. "I just never saw myself here, I guess. I didn't realize Wes would ever want this as much as he did." If someone asked my opinion, and nobody ever did, then I'd put money on the fact that the appealing part of California to Wes was that I wasn't there. Again, only my opinion.

I was tempted to leave it like that. Tempted to tell her goodnight and hang up; leaving her upset and without an outlet. After everything, I didn’t know why I just couldn’t walk away. “Look, Laurel…” I hesitated as I tried to figure out the best way to word things. “It’s gonna take some gettin’ used to, but it’ll work out. You went to be with Wes, right? You didn’t go cause you wanted to live in California. Just one of many sacrifices you gotta make when you wanna stay with someone. You probably didn’t like it here very much at first either.”

“You’re right,” she said. She didn’t sound convincing, but I’d done all I could. I’d actually done more than I ever meant to or should have.

“As for Bennett,” I continued. “He’ll come around. He always does. You’ll see. Once he makes some friends, he’ll love it.” I hadn’t even considered the friends he left behind. _Parker, Daniel, Cameron, Emma, Landon, Alexis...._ Somehow, I remembered all their names and felt sad for my boy again. He shouldn’t have ever had to leave his friends, but I would never tell Laurel that. It sounded like she was suffering enough. “I bet when he’s with me, he’ll want to go back there!”  
  
“Yeah..” She was crying again. I had no idea what the hell to do.  
  
“Laurel, what’s wrong?” I couldn’t leave her like this. I wanted to, but I couldn’t. “Somethin’ else is the matter. You aren’t still cryin’ over Ben…” I wasn’t about to listen to any Wes drama, but if something was wrong in another area of her life, I could muddle through.  
  
“Nothing,” she finally said. “I’ll be fine. I’m just tired. It's been a long day. Thank you for listening to all of that.” I wasn't entirely sure why I was listening to this instead of Wes, but there was a lot about her I didn’t understand and never would.  
  
“Told you before, anything you ever need,” I said. “I meant it. You get some sleep, and I’ll check in with you tomorrow.”  
  
She continued crying before finally saying, “Ok.” There was no way I could hang up with her like that. I had no idea what she was crying about. I had no idea if she and Wes had recently had an argument and this was the aftermath. I had no idea what the hell was going on other than she was upset.  
  
“You wanna tell me what’s goin’ on?”  
  
“I’m fine,” she said tearfully. Clearly, she had no intention of filling me in on what was wrong with her.   
  
“Just gonna sit here with you then,” I told her. “Not hanging up with you all upset.” She didn’t protest, so I knew I’d done the right thing. We stayed that way for the next 30 minutes. Me silent and her doing her best to get over whatever had upset her so much. She finally told me she needed to get to bed and thanked me for whatever it was she felt I’d done for her.  
  
I didn’t feel any better about whatever was going on with her when I hung up than I did when I was listening to her cry. I had to put it out of my head. She wasn’t my concern anymore.


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Author's Note: Laurel's Dad isn't the bad news he is on the show in this story. He's not 'Father of the Year', but he's not the villain the show has him written as.

I’d managed to make it through the month of June. How I couldn’t say, but I’d done it. One month down; years of this left to go.

I’d finished my work week and was gearing up for vacation and the 4th of July holiday. The only plans I had for sure was spending time with my little guy and the annual cookout at my parents’ house. I didn’t care what I did for the next month, I was just thankful I’d have Bennett to come home to every day.

Laurel and Bennett were scheduled to get into town the following day. She was bringing him out and I assumed would be flying back home immediately after. The two of us hadn’t really talked since the night she broke down while on the phone with me. I still had no idea what the problem had been, but it's never come up between us again.

Some of my colleagues had tried to get me to go out now that I was not only single but also childless. I probably could have found the energy to agree on a couple of times, but I just had no desire to meet anyone. The way things ended with both Bonnie and Laurel had been enough to last me a lifetime.

I was busy putting away food from the first grocery order I’d made in a month. I had nothing in my fridge or cabinets that Bennett would find acceptable so I made sure to remedy that before he arrived. I’d lived on takeout or whatever my Mom cooked on any given night. I heard a knock on the door and stopped what I was doing. If this was some woman in the building selling something again I was going to snap. It happened all the time. What the hell did I need with any of that stuff?

“Just a minute!” I called as I heard another knock. Not to mention, it was too damn late for any door to door shit.  

I did a double take as I opened the door to find Laurel and Bennett standing in front of me. I would have thought I dreamt the whole thing up if I hadn’t heard a very excited “Daddy!” before feeling a little person climbing up into my arms.

I took a step back to let Laurel in and then I held Bennett to me as tightly as I could. “You know how much I’ve missed you?” I kissed his cheek and continued holding him as he started giggling.

“Why you cwy, Daddy?” I didn’t even realize I had tears running down my face until his question. I wasn’t ashamed to admit I’d cried over him more than once in the past month. I didn’t even pretend to be tough anymore now that I had him. That went out the window about the same time he was born.

“Cause I’m so happy to see you,” I said. “You bring all the stuff you been talkin' about to show me?” Every night when we talked on the phone, I got to hear about one more place he’d been or thing he’d done. He seemed to have a collection of memorabilia he promised to show me.

“Yes,” he said. “I gots you a pweasant.”

“You did?!” He could bring me a blade of grass and I’d cherish that shit like it was the world’s rarest diamond.

I finally took my eyes off him and looked over to where Laurel stood patiently waiting for us to have our time together. “I hope you don’t mind us coming early…”

Bennett laughed. “We ‘prised him, Mommy!”

“I think we did,” Laurel smiled. “He was really excited about surprising you. The only way I got him to keep quiet last night when he talked to you on the phone.”

“Are you kidding?” I kept Bennett in my arms as we made our way into the living room to take a seat. “Best surprise ever!” He climbed out of my arms the second I sat down on the couch and was running toward his bedroom.

“Now your place gets to look like a toy store exploded in it,” she said.

I didn’t even care. He could have stuff strewn wall to wall and I wouldn’t complain about it for a second. “So,” I said. “What caused you to bring him early? I’m thankful you did, but just wasn’t expectin’ it.”

“Wes is out-of-town,” she replied. “And I knew you’d been missing him, so I thought I’d go ahead and bring him out.” There was something she wasn’t telling me, but I wasn’t going to pry. Her life was her life. The only thing I cared about was seeing my son.

Bennett ran back into the room with some little action figure of his. “Daddy, you fix it?”

I took the toy from him and very easily snapped the loose part back into place. One would have thought I’d ended world hunger by that very small action. I’d loved every stage of Bennett’s life so far, but the older he got the more fun he became. Soon as the toy was fixed, he was off to his room again at lightening speed.

“I’ve been meaning to talk to you,” Laurel said. “I’m struggling with potty training.”

This is the part of parenting I didn’t necessarily miss. She had only started focusing on it seriously before they left for California, so I admitted not knowing much about it.  “Meanin’?”

“Well,” she said. “He understands when he has to go, and he’ll tell me. We’re out of Pull-Ups during the day, and he hasn’t had an accident in a while. It’s just…I have girl parts, Frank.”

“No…” I had to be a smartass at least once while she was here for old time’s sake.

She rolled her eyes at me. “I can tell him all day long and show him where to stand, but you’re gonna have to teach him how to stand up and use the bathroom. He sort of gets it, but he needs a male to show him. Wes isn’t his Father, so…”

I laughed. “Think I can handle it, Laurel.”

“Also,” she continued. “Nothing has changed about his nightly routine. I still put him in them when he goes to bed. You’ll be changing his sheets every day if you don’t.” She was a stereotypical Mom. No matter how much time I’d spent with Bennett and how many ways I’d proven I could take care of him, she always felt the need to give me 1,000 instructions. I didn’t take it personally.

I watched as Bennett came out of his room and climbed up on Laurel's lap with a book for her to read to him. He was such a Mama's Boy that I prayed the month would go well with her so far away.

"Did you tell Daddy you have some new books from the Zoo to show him?" She flipped through the picture book while he sat in her lap mesmerized. Books were just about the only thing that kept Bennett still. "We packed them, remember?"

"Yep," Bennett said. "Daddy, I saw a Panna Bear! And...and there was a dog that was livin' wif a lion."

I smiled. I was going to be upset when he learned how to pronounce all of his words correctly. "A dog livin' with a lion?! How does that work?"

"They're fwiends," he replied matter-of-factly.

"The dog lived with a Cheetah," Laurel told him. "You remember that one? The one with all the spots that can run really fast? The dog looked just like Colby only he was yellow!"

"Oh yeah," Bennett said. "Him lived wif a Cheetos." I always thought it impossible to love this kid more than I already did, and then I was around him for 2 seconds and realized there was no limit to how in love with him I was.

They finished up looking at the book together and then he hopped down to go search for something else to do. It had only been a month, but I'd forgotten there were no limits to his energy. 

Laurel and I hadn’t been together in years. Some might say we were never really together. Technically, she and I had an affair. I’d cheated on my wife with her, and our son was the product of that. Regardless, I knew I could read her better than anyone. I knew by the tone of her voice what kind of mood she was in. I could tell sitting with her in my living room that something was wrong.

We sat together, watching Bennett play with the steady stream of toys he was bringing out of his room and made small talk for a while. Eventually, bedtime rolled around and Laurel made no effort to leave. I thought maybe it was because she didn’t want to do the whole painful goodbye thing with Bennett. He’d wake up tomorrow and she’d be gone. That was probably the best way to handle it when it came to him. Watching Laurel leave him before bedtime would not go over well.  

I exited his bedroom and left her alone with him to give them some privacy. Part of me felt sad for her because I knew how difficult leaving him for several weeks was going to be. The other part of me didn’t feel that bad since I’d done it myself and managed to survive.

The moment she stepped out of his room and shut the door, I saw her fall apart. She stayed right outside his door, burying her face in her hands as she cried, and tried her hardest to get control of herself.

“Laurel,” I said quietly as I slowly approached her. “Hey…”

No matter what or how much time passed between us, it still killed me to see her cry. I suppose that would never go away. She slowly walked back into the living room and sat down on the couch. “I’m sorry,” she whimpered. “It’s just…”

I went and got her some water and tissue, not knowing what else to do for her. “Here…” I took a seat next to her and waited for her to speak first. For the next few minutes, we sat in silence as she tried to calm herself down and I refrained from asking any questions or offering advice.

“It’s just…” She started crying again. “He’s my baby. I’ve never been this far away from him, and I just think about him getting sick or needing me, and I know he’s with you and I don’t even know why I’m telling you this. I did the same thing to you.”

I didn’t know what to say. She had done the same thing to me, but somehow in that moment, it didn’t seem the same. “Promise you I’m gonna take care of him, Laurel. You know that. If he needed you I wouldn’t hesitate to call…”

She nodded. “I know.”

“You got somewhere to stay?” She wasn’t making any effort to leave, so I was beginning to wonder.

“Yes,” she half smiled. “I got a hotel room. I’m going to New York tomorrow for several days. You remember Michaela and Asher? From my law school class? Michaela Pratt, well, now she's Millstone.”

“Oh yeah,” I said. I did remember them. Michaela had been one of the first friends of Laurel’s to see Bennett after he was born and they'd both attended a couple of his birthday parties.

“Gonna visit them for a few days,” she explained. “Then I’m going to Florida for a couple of days to see my Dad.” Something was up with her, and since she was in the mood to talk, I was going to listen.

I stood from my place next to her and moved to a chair to put a little distance between us. “Laurel, what’s goin’ on? What’s Wes up to while you’re doin’ all this?” She could say it was perfectly normal that she’d be visiting friends and family and not going back home to her boyfriend in a childfree home, but she wasn’t fooling me.

She sighed before continuing, “He's out of town. I get he’s just starting out at his firm, and that he’s the new guy and is going to get the crap cases, but this past month has been pretty tough. It's been hard trying to settle in and have Bennett all by myself with no break.”

That was the first time I was hearing Wes had been gone a good portion of the month. “Didn’t realize he’d been gone so much. Didn't you know that before agreeing to go?"

"No," she replied. "I knew he'd be gone some, sure, but not this much. Honestly, it didn't matter because we were going regardless."

I wasn't surprised to hear that. "I see."

“It’s a long story and one I’d never make you listen to. He was unhappy here, that job offer came up and I told him I didn’t want to go. Actually, I told him I couldn’t go. Couldn’t take Bennett away from you. I could tell he wasn’t happy, but he turned it down. When it came up the second time, he told me he was going.”

She didn’t have to tell me the rest. “So, he gave you an ultimatum?”

“It wasn’t so much that,” she replied. She knew it was and so did I. “It made sense, Frank. It did. Aside from Bennett, it made sense. It would be a new start for me. I don’t have anyone here. Your family has been so nice to me, but I’ll always be the college girl who broke your marriage up and got pregnant. I’ll always be the reason their youngest son got a divorce. Every time I see them, for the past 3 years, that is all I think about.”

I stood and slowly started pacing around the room. My parents had cared about none of that. If anything, they didn’t understand why Laurel and I weren’t together. Not to mention, Bonnie looked genuinely happy when I saw her for the first time in years. “None of that mattered, Laurel!”

“It did to me,” she said. “I ruined your marriage. I got pregnant while your wife was going through fertility treatments! Do you know what kind of person that makes me?”

“Human,” I said. “Makes you human. We make mistakes, screw up, whatever. Took both of us, Laurel.”

"Maybe so," she said. I had no idea why we were having this conversation now. I had no idea why this conversation hadn't happened over 3 years ago. "But I've had to live with it, Frank. You know Bonnie's boss was my Professor the year I got pregnant. The gossip didn't bother me. Everyone knew I'd slept with my boss. Most knew who my boss was and that his wife worked for Professor Keating. I had to see her, Frank. I had to see her, pregnant with a healthy baby, knowing what she'd been through."

"What's the point in dwellin' on this?" I asked. "Bonnie's happy now, Laurel! We were having problems a long time before you came along, trust me. If Bonnie and I had been happy, what happened between us would have never happened." That much I believed. In our best days, I would have never looked anywhere else for anything. Not even Laurel. "Look, I'm not doin' this. It's pointless. If you think I'm gonna regret that little boy in there, you can forget it. He's the best thing that ever happened to me."

“I don’t regret him,” she said honestly. “We have the most beautiful, smart, funny little boy because of it. So, no, I don’t regret it. I'm not asking you to either. Doesn’t mean I have to be proud of it. I just needed to start over in a new place with a clean slate, so when Wes got the offer a second time, I took it as a sign.”

A sign of what, I had no idea. I didn’t know if she was telling me she was punishing herself or if she was done with all of us. Didn’t know if she’d reached this conclusion on her own or if someone had put all this in her head. I had no fucking clue. “So now you’re out there and what? He’s not around?”

"He's around, Frank," she replied.

"You just finished sayin'...." She couldn't have it both ways. Either she'd been alone most of the month or Wes had been around. She had to pick one.

I could tell she was growing more and more annoyed with me. I was pushing buttons, but she's the one who put them in front of me. "You want to know a typical week? Wes left last Sunday night and got home Wednesday. We had the day to spend together, but most of that was him prepping for the rest of his week. It was me doing laundry so he could repack and leave back out Thursday morning! Bennett doesn't understand why Wes isn't around. He doesn't understand why Daddy isn't around. He acts out ALL of the time, and it sucks to finally realize that I really haven't been doing the good job I'd always thought I'd been doing. Clearly, if I don't have you or Wes, it's a disaster!"

"It's not a disaster, Laurel." It was many things, but it wasn't a disaster. She was a good Mom. Bennett, like the rest of us, had his world turned upside down and he needed time to find his footing. "Honestly, what did you expect out of a 3-year-old? I'm no longer around, now you say Wes is gone most of the week...."

“I don’t even know why I thought this was a good idea.” She stood and started toward the door. I was right behind her. There was no way she was leaving without talking about this.

I placed my hand on the door to keep her from opening it. She turned around to look up at me, and for once, I had no idea what she was thinking. Usually, I could read her like a book. I took a step back. “You’re not happy. You can fool yourself into thinking it’s just an adjustment period. You can tell yourself you deserve it. You can tell yourself whatever you need to do to get by. But you’re not happy.”

She sighed. “And why would I be? Huh? Can you tell me that, Frank? You seem to have an answer for everything else!"

"So now I'm in the wrong 'cause..."

"I took my child away from his Father," she interrupted once again. "I took your son away from you. Wes is never home. He's always gone or at the office. I sit at home day in and day out, and now without anything to do because I can’t work. Even if I could practice in California, who’s going to watch him? Wes can’t do pickup from daycare anymore. He can’t take him to preschool. I struggled through 3 years of law school and worked my ass off to get where I was at my old job and now I sit at home. I’m well aware it’s not an adjustment period, Frank.”

“So why’d you do it?” I was trying to keep my voice down. “Why are you stayin’ if you know this is goin’ to be your life?”

“I told you why,” she said. “Wes was going. If he was going, then I was going with him. He’s given up things for me numerous times, you know that.” I didn’t know that but wasn’t going to argue with her. “It was a great opportunity for him. I couldn’t be the reason he missed out on it a second time.”

“Anyone that loved you would have never asked you to do that,” I said. It was true. She needed to hear it. "You and Bennett are a packaged deal. If he's gonna be with you, his life has to work around BOTH of you. Don't think he quite got that."

“You know nothing about our relationship,” she replied.

I laughed. “A fact I’m perfectly fine with.” Really. I didn’t want to know about that shit.

She rolled her eyes, “Frank, just stop. Please.”

If she needed to stay in denial about what was going on between the two of them, far be it from me to stop her. It was late, and I wasn’t in the mood to call her on her bullshit. It wouldn’t have changed anything if I had. I believed now more than ever that Wes would have gone regardless of what Laurel decided to do. “Well, there you go. ‘Least you know what life is gonna be like.”

She didn’t say anything. She just looked up at me with an expression I couldn’t quite read. “Can you call me in the morning when he’s awake?”

“‘Course,” I promised. “Be careful headin' back to the hotel. Text me when you get there?”

"Sure." I watched her walk out and closed the door behind her. I didn’t know what part of life had knocked her down to the point she thought it was ok to put her happiness on the back-burner, but it had happened. There was a very distinct version of Laurel I would say was _my_  Laurel. The version I fell in love with and had loved ever since. This was not my Laurel. This wasn’t even a shell of her.


	7. Chapter 7

July had come and gone.

I had a great month with my little man, and I’d very recently turned him back over to Laurel. I could tell she’d struggled the month without him just as I had. This exchange had been slightly easier than the last. Somehow, maybe I could admit we were falling into a bit of a routine.

My month with Bennett had been great. I didn’t notice the acting out she spoke of or any unusual behavior. I’d never tell her, and she hadn’t asked. It was obvious to me that Bennett preferred being back in familiar territory. He’d gotten to visit with friends, my family, and he seemed happy as can be. California was clearly the problem.

Since the night Laurel brought Bennett out to me, she and I had not discussed anything even remotely personal. I didn’t know if she felt she’d been unfair to Wes by telling me those things, or if she just didn’t like being that vulnerable in front of me anymore. Whatever the case, her walls had gone back up. She was normal, friendly Laurel when we spoke. Nothing more nothing less.

She still wasn’t working. She was about to be busy with Preschool, and then I’d been told Bennett would be playing soccer in the fall. I’d definitely have to fly out for at least 1 game. I knew she would stay busy, but it wasn’t what she wanted to be doing. It wasn’t what she was meant to be doing, and it wasn’t what she’d worked her ass off to do.

I was out with some colleagues of mine. They’d finally talked me into coming to dinner. I was skipping out on drinks afterward, but I needed to eat, so I decided I may as well. I liked everyone I worked with, but this just wasn’t my life anymore. Didn’t figure it ever would be again.

“I dunno why you won’t at least consider going out with that girl Paul told you about!”

I liked these guys, but they were always trying to set me up with someone. I’d explained to them the horrible luck I’d had the past 2 relationships and that I had no interest in making it 3. “Told you, got shit luck.”

“Have to break the streak eventually,” he said.

“He’s still hung up on his Baby Mama,” another added. Sadly, he wasn’t completely wrong about that. We’d never get back together, but yes, I still carried a torch for her. I had resigned myself to believing I always would.

“No,” I lied. “Just tryin’ to focus on my kid. Got enough goin’ on without adding a woman to the mix.”

“How old is he now?”

“He turned 3 in May,” I said as I reached into the inside pocket of my suit jacket to retrieve my phone. “Got some new pics. He’s gonna be playin’ soccer soon. Should be interesting.”

“For sure,” one of the guys said. “My oldest played when he was around that age. They all run in a little pack everywhere they go on the field. They don’t understand they each have their own job. It’s hilarious but pretty damn cute. You’ll love watchin’ him play.”

I smiled. “No doubt. Gonna try to make a couple of games at least.” I hit the home key to unlock my phone, and at first thought, I had numerous missed messages from people. I looked closer and realized they were actually missed calls.

 

_Laurel - 6 missed calls_

_Mom - 8 missed calls_

_Wes Gibbins - 3 missed calls_

_Jorge Castillo - 3 missed calls_

_Dad - 5 missed calls_

_An unknown number with a California area code - 2 missed calls_

_Bonnie Winterbottom - 2 missed calls_

_Adrian Castillo - 4 missed calls_

 

What the fuck was Bonnie calling me for? I had no idea what was going on, but I excused myself from the table to find out. I was about to look at the unopened messages I could see when Bonnie’s number popped up again on my screen.

“Bonnie, what’s goin’ on?” I answered. Not to be rude, but she knew I wasn’t expecting her to call. I had never removed her number from my contacts, but she could have changed her number and I would’ve never known. It'd been ages since we spoke last.

“Frank?!” She practically yelled into the phone. “Frank, where are you?”

“I’m out to dinner with some guys from the office,” I explained. “What’s goin’ on? Has something happened?” Suddenly I was convinced my Grandma had passed. It never registered in that moment that Laurel’s Dad wouldn’t have been calling about anyone in my family. The brain does what it has to do to protect us.

“Frank,” she said seriously. “Listen, your brother is out looking for you. I’m driving around doing the same. Your Mom called to see if I happened to see you anywhere work related today. Where are you? Whoever is closest needs to come get you.”

“WHAT is going on, Bonnie? I have my damn car!” I was growing more and more frustrated. I knew something was wrong and I just needed her to tell me. I didn't need anyone out looking for me. I was perfectly capable of getting myself wherever I needed to go. I had just unlocked my car and opened the door when she finally told me why she was calling.

“Bennett has been in an accident, Frank,” Bonnie said.

That's when everything seemed to stop. 

“What?!” I couldn’t have heard that right. He was fine, I’d just talked to him before I left the office. He was telling me all about his new bicycle and about how he was going to play outside as soon as Wes got home. There was no way he’d been in an accident. “What you mean he’s been in an accident?”

“I don’t know all the details,” she explained calmly. “All I know is what your Mom told me. She was hysterical, Frank. Something happened while he was playing outside. That is all I know.”

I couldn’t speak, move, or do anything. I stood there next to my car completely dumbfounded. This couldn’t be happening. My ex-wife was now on the phone telling me my son had been in an accident. This had to be some sick joke, or someone spiked my drink in the restaurant. That had to be it. No other explanation.

I heard Bonnie asking me again where I was at. I somehow managed to tell her and heard her tell me she was calling my brother because he was on my side of town. A couple of minutes later my brother was calling to tell me not to get in my car under any circumstances.

“Frank!” I knew that was one of my co-workers but couldn’t break out of my trance to turn around and look at him. “Hey, man…” He put his hand on my shoulder about the time I snapped out of it.

“I...I’ve gotta go,” I said. “My son..he’s um...he’s been in an accident.” I realized I said all of this as I closed the door to my car and went to stand back on the sidewalk. 

“In California?!” He asked, following me. 

“Yeah,” I nodded. “Don't know anything. Just that there was an accident.” None of this made sense. I had  _just_ talked to him. 

We didn’t speak again, but he stood on the sidewalk next to me until my brother pulled up. “I’ll let the others know,” he said as I walked to my brother’s car. “Keep us posted!”

“Why the FUCK did you have your phone on silent?” My brother was yelling before I ever got in the car. “What the FUCK, man?! We’ve been calling and calling and calling and fuckin’ calling!” Normally, I’d be yelling back at him, but all I could do was sit in the passenger seat in what I could only describe as some weird form of shock.

“Bennett was in an accident,” he said. That much I already knew. “Dunno what happened exactly. He was ridin’ his bike and got hit. Laurel called, and Ma couldn’t even understand her, Frank. Literally, Ma stood there for a good 5 minutes or so before she could get a single word outta her she could understand. Thankfully, a nurse was nearby and took the phone and explained what was going on.” A nurse? This meant the hospital was involved. I knew in that moment I'd sound like an idiot if I verbalized anything I was thinking, but I didn't understand. I didn't want to understand. There was no way Bennett had been hurt bad enough to need a nurse or doctor. It just wasn't possible. 

I heard what he was saying, but nothing was processing. He’d been hit? Where? By what? None of it made sense. “Where are we going?”

“I’m takin’ your ass to the airport. Already got your flight,” he explained. “Laurel’s Dad is on the way out there. Her Mom and brother are tryin’ to get there. Adrian called me right before they boarded in Mexico. Fuck, I just hope someone makes it out there to them soon. Laurel was a fuckin' mess! We’re comin’ soon as we get another flight. Didn’t have time to get all of us on this one. Thank God Bon helped us find you!”

I sat in complete silence as I listened to my brother ramble. I should have picked up the phone and called Laurel. I knew if I did then whatever horrible reality on the other end of the line would smack me in the face. I didn't want to know what happened. I knew the second I heard her voice I couldn't stay in whatever strange form of denial I'd settled in. “We know anything? He’s ok…right?”

“They took him to Children’s Hospital,” my brother answered. “I don’t know the extent of his injuries or even how the fuck it happened. Dunno who was with him. Dunno anything! Last I heard he was stable, but they were having trouble keepin’ him that way. It sounds serious, Frank.” He was starting to get choked up. My older brother that had never shed a single tear in front of me our entire lives - he was doing his best not to show the emotion he was fighting when it came to the seriousness of the situation my son was in. 

I refused to listen to that. Bennett was going to be fine. He had enough of me and Laurel in him to give whatever happened a run for its money. I’d get there, and this would all be some misunderstanding. He’d be sitting up in bed reaching for me the second I walked in.

I rode the rest of the way in silence as my brother talked to various family members on the phone. I practically jumped out of the car without saying anything and rushed to check in. I had no idea what I must’ve looked like, but everyone seemed to work as fast as possible to get me checked in and through security. I may have told them my son had been in an accident in California; I have no idea.

As I was rushing to the gate, my phone started ringing. I looked down to see it was Laurel calling. “I’m comin’ fast as I can,” I answered. I had never in all the time I’ve known her heard her cry like I was hearing now. I’m convinced it’s only a cry a Mother with a seriously wounded child could make. It shattered my heart. “Laurel, talk to me…”

It was pointless. I only understood about every 5th word. I asked if there was anyone else I could speak with and heard the phone passed off. “Hey, Frank?” A male voice I’d never heard before came on the line.

“I’m here...”

“Connor Walsh,” he said. “Went to law school with Laurel and Wes. My husband and I live in LA. Came down soon as Michaela called me to be here with them.”

I vaguely recalled a guy named Connor. Couldn’t remember his husband’s name, but I remember keeping Bennett so Wes and Laurel could attend their wedding. “What’s goin’ on? I’m at the gate about to board.”

“They just came and asked Laurel for consent to operate on him,” he explained. “He’s really not stable enough for it, but it needs to happen from what I can understand. They said only other option was leaving him in ICU and hope he stabilized some. You want to speak to a nurse?”

A nurse came on the line and explained the seriousness of the situation. Our little guy was hurt. Bad. He needed surgery for internal injuries, but those injuries were making him unstable and at risk for not surviving something as major as the operation they were asking us to consent to. I’d never been a gambler, and I didn’t want to start with my son’s life. I asked what the alternative was and she explained the only other choice was waiting to see if he stabilized any on his own. At this point, she said, surgery was really his best shot. Even the best shot was only 50/50.

I had no idea what to do. Not the slightest fucking clue. The only thing I did know was that I couldn’t allow Laurel to make this decision. If this didn’t go the right way, I didn’t want her living with it. If I picked wrong, it was on me, not her. If something happened to him, I would be done, so her hating me would be easier than her suffering guilt she didn’t have to feel. He was the only reason I had for living anyway. Without him, nothing in my life mattered. I had higher hopes for her.  “Take him to surgery,” I said. She explained to me she needed another nurse to witness consent and asked me to hold on. Once that was taken care of, she gave the phone back to Connor.

“Let me talk to Laurel,” I said.

I could tell she was back on the phone when I heard crying. “Laurel,” I said. I felt like a machine by this point. I just had to get from A to B to C and not think about anything in between. If I kept all my emotions out of this, I could continue to function. “They’re gonna take him to surgery, ok?”

“Frank,” she cried. “He’s so little…and…”

“It’s the best shot he’s got,” I explained as she continued crying. “I need you promise me somethin’. When you see him before they take him, tell him I love him, and I’m sorry I’m not there now. Tell him, Laurel. Know he's not awake, but I need you to tell him. Promise me.”

“I promise.” She was breaking my heart. I say breaking, but it was already broken and the only way to fix it was for Bennett to be ok.

“I’ll have wi-fi on the plane. Have someone text me. I’ll be there as soon as I land.” With that, I hung up and was the last to board. I had no idea if I’d made the right choice. I was a lawyer. I knew nothing about medicine. The one thing I did know was that I managed to protect Laurel from having to make that call. If I’d done nothing else right, I’d spared her the agony of knowing she chose the wrong thing for our little boy.

It would be the longest flight I’d ever take.


	8. Chapter 8

For hours I couldn’t get here fast enough. Now that I was entering the Children’s Hospital, I found myself not so eager to face this situation.

Bennett had made it through the duration of my flight. I’d gotten several updates while in the air, and as soon as I landed I had a message telling me he was still in surgery. I had no idea what time it was other than I knew it was sometime in the middle of the night. Maybe early morning. I had no clue.

I quickly checked in at the front desk of the lobby and was told where to find the surgical waiting area on the 1st floor. As I walked down the hall, all I could think was somewhere in this building my little boy was fighting harder than I’d ever fought in my life.

I entered the waiting room unsure of what I’d find. Across the room, I could see Laurel’s Father pacing. At least he’d made it. Near him, I saw her brother talking to someone on the phone. I spotted a younger guy I could only assume was Connor over getting another cup of coffee. I saw Wes on one side of the waiting area, his face resting in his hands as he sat on the couch. Finally, I spotted Laurel standing over near a window with her arms crossed in front of her and tears streaming down her face.

“Laurel,” I said as I approached her. She turned and was in my arms in seconds. I could feel her shaking as I held her while she cried. I was trying to keep it together, but it was quickly becoming more than I could handle. 

"Frank," she sobbed. 

"Shhh, I'm here...." I held her to me tightly as I lost the fight myself and we both stood there crying; finally just allowing ourselves to be terrified parents. I wanted to try and calm her, but I couldn’t calm myself. Now that I was standing here, the reality of what happened slammed into me, and I couldn’t pull it together no matter how hard I tried. I didn't know the severity of everything yet, but I knew there was a real chance we could lose our little boy. 

I don’t know how long we stood there holding one another and crying, but no one bothered us. We finally managed to get ourselves together and made it over to take a seat. Laurel never let go of me as we sat down next to one another. “What happened?”

“They...Wes and Bennett,” Laurel started. I could hear the pain in her voice and wasn't sure I even wanted to hear this. “They were outside riding bikes. His new bicycle that he just got. He wanted to ride, so Wes took him. He’d been in trouble for not listening several times today...yesterday, I don't even know,” she paused as she fought through more tears. The way she spoke was so disjointed and almost as if she still didn’t quite believe what she was saying. “Wes told him not to ride ahead, but he did and darted out into the street without looking.” She didn’t have to say anything else. I felt as if I was going to be sick just hearing what she did say. Bennett had been hit by a car while riding his bike.

“I was at the grocery store,” she rambled on. The shock in her voice was so apparent. I knew that the magnitude of the situation hadn't fully hit me yet either. “I had just put some snacks for him in the cart when Wes called. He was actually home, so I was out doing things easier to do alone. He wouldn’t tell me what was wrong, but I knew it was bad. He just told me to leave everything and come home. I could tell by his tone. He wouldn’t tell me.” I was thankful for that. Thankful that Wes had the wherewithal to keep Laurel in the dark as she drove home herself. “I kept asking him and he wouldn’t tell me, so I got angry and hung up on him. The second I turned on our street I saw the lights from the ambulance and police cars, and…”

I couldn’t think, speak, or do anything. Part of me wanted to go over and beat the shit out of Wes, but I knew he would never allow anything to happen to Bennett if he could help it. This was a horrible accident. There was no one to blame. I didn’t know how I would ever face the guy, but I couldn't worry about that at the moment. I glanced in his direction and could see that he was crying. I knew he loved my son. As hard as it was to admit that, I knew he'd never put Bennett in harm's way on purpose. “How bad? What are they sayin'?”

“I don’t even know.” I pulled her back to me as she started sobbing again. I looked up to see her Dad walking in our direction. I rested my head against hers and held her to me. I didn’t care what Wes thought, her Dad thought, or what anyone thought. It was our son fighting for his life, and I wasn’t going to worry about offending anyone. I’d hug her if I damn well pleased.

“Frank,” Jorge said. He placed his hand on my shoulder and stood silently by us as I continued holding Laurel while she cried out every awful emotion a situation like this throws on a person.

“Do we know how he is? She couldn’t…”

“One of the surgeons came out very briefly a bit ago,” he explained. “Said extensive internal injuries and a broken arm. They finished the operation, but had to take him back to surgery again before getting him settled in ICU. I'm not sure what happened. Just said they'd update us as soon as possible.” There was nothing to describe how helpless I felt in that moment. There was nothing I could do but wait.

“He was crying for us,” Laurel whimpered. I’d never heard her so broken. “I asked if he was conscious when they got to him, and he was. Wes said he was. He was calling for Mommy and Daddy, and we weren’t there, Frank....”

“Mija…” her Dad said.

I hugged her to me as she continued crying. “What if he..” she couldn’t bring herself to say what we were both thinking. “The last thing he will ever know was that we weren’t there. He was so scared, and we weren’t there. By the time I got there he was out of it, and he didn’t even know I was with him.” I couldn't imagine what she'd been through. It killed me to see Bennett cry over a scraped knee - I knew I was about to come face-to-face with one of the worst moments of my life. 

“Shhh,” I said. “He knows we’re here, Laurel. And he was with Wes. He loves Wes. He was scared ‘cause of what happened, but he wasn’t alone.” I couldn’t believe what I was saying, but I’d do anything to make her feel better. I couldn't think about Bennett crying for us in his last moments of consciousness. I couldn't think about the fear he must have felt. I knew he'd been terrified and the two people in the world that are supposed to make everything better weren't there. I just couldn't think about it. 

“Hey, Frank,” her brother said as he extended his hand in my direction. “Sorry to see one another under these circumstances.” I’d always liked Laurel’s brother. We’d never had issues despite all that had gone on between Laurel and I. “Hey,” he said to Laurel. “Why don’t you try drinking this?” She took the cup of tea from him but made no effort to drink it. I understood the feeling. The thought of anything entering my stomach made it flip upside down.

“Where’s Mom?”

“She went to your house to get you some clothes,” Adrian explained. I was glad to hear her Mom had also made it out.

“Wes could have done that.”

“Laurel, I don’t think either of you needs to go anywhere now. Mom has it.” Adrian gave me a polite smile before walking back across the room and dialing someone else’s number. I assumed he was keeping friends and family back in Mexico updated.

Laurel passed the cup of tea to her Dad who didn't bother with trying to force her to drink it. He knew better. "He was supposed to have soccer practice tomorrow." The second that left her mouth she was crying again. "He was so excited and...." 

"I know." All I could do was hold her. There was nothing I could say that would fix this situation, or make it better. There was literally nothing I could do at all. I was supposed to be able to fix anything for him, and I knew he believed that I could. When he needed me the most, I hadn't been there. I tried to push thoughts of him crying for me out of my head once again, but they were relentless. I saw my little guy lying there scared, hurt, and crying for us and it killed me. It absolutely fucking killed me. 

We sat in silence as lifetimes seemed to pass. I’d watched the sky get lighter and lighter from the pitch black color it’d been when I first arrived. The last time we’d all been gathered at the hospital together, we'd been waiting on Bennett’s arrival. Wes and I had felt just as awkward around one another for that event as this one. The two of them were just friends then, but we both knew each of us felt more for Laurel than we were willing to admit at the time. I thought I'd been terrified then. I was in my 30s and didn't know the first thing about babies. The months seemed to drag and then suddenly it was time. I had no idea the moment I saw him enter the world just how much that tiny, screaming boy would change me. I couldn't go back to the way it was before him. I couldn't live in a world where he didn't exist. 

At some point, Wes had gotten up and came to sit on the other side of Laurel. We made eye contact but didn’t speak. He didn’t know what to say to me, and I didn’t think it wise to speak to him. The range of emotions I felt left me unsure of what to do or how to react and the only thing I wanted to do was run out of there. When I looked over and saw Laurel’s hand intertwined with his, I had to get away. It was unfair, but all I could think was how he’d gotten the girl, been the reason my son was out here in the first place, and been the one with him on what might turn out to be his last lucid moments of life. It was too fucking much.

I told Adrian I needed to step out for a minute and instructed him to call me immediately if there was an update or we could see Bennett. I said nothing to Laurel and Wes as I left the waiting area and made my way back down the hallway to the front entrance of the hospital. I didn’t have a car, nowhere to stay, or even so much as a change of clothes. The only thing I had was lying on an operating table fighting like hell to survive. I was angry. I was so fucking angry.

I sat down on the curb not giving a shit what anyone thought who might see me there. A guy dressed in a suit sitting on the curb outside a Children’s Hospital looking completely distraught and out of place. I just didn’t care. I’d done so much fucked up shit in my life, but when was it ever going to be enough? I was perfectly fine living the rest of my life alone if I just had Bennett. He was everything. He was the beginning and the end of every day for me. He was my life.

I tried to remember the last thing I’d said to him. I was certain I’d told him that I loved him, but what if I didn’t? The last time we’d talked he had been so happy. He had been to the Splash Park with Laurel and had told me all about the cool sprinklers and water slides. He briefly mentioned Wes was coming home and sounded excited about it. I knew he enjoyed having Wes around; another guy to play stuff that Laurel just couldn’t understand far as Bennett was concerned. He was happy. He had a good day. That is what I kept telling myself. He knew I loved him and if things didn’t go our way - he’d been happy. That is all I ever wanted for him. 

I felt my phone vibrating in my jacket pocket and quickly retrieved it thinking it might be news on Bennett. It was my Mom. “Hey,” I answered. She immediately started crying and telling me they’d landed and would be on the way as quickly as possible.

“How is he?” She asked through her tears.

“Still in surgery,” I said. “I dunno what the hell’s takin' so long, Ma, but it can’t be good.” I just needed to see him. If we couldn’t keep him, then I just needed to see him. I heard her tell me things would be ok and that they’d be here shortly before I hung up.

There are things in life you face that have the potential to break you if you allow it. My divorce had been one. My relationship with Laurel had been another. The move that took my son from me had been the latest. This situation I’d have no control over. If I lost my little boy, I wouldn’t survive. I didn’t know how long the path to my end would be or how rocky, but I’d be on it until there was nothing left. Without Bennett, I had no reason to even try. He was my reason for every single thing I did.

I didn’t know how long I’d been sitting there when I felt a hand touch my head. I looked up to see Laurel standing there. I was waiting on Wes to appear behind her, but after a few seconds passed, I realized she was by herself. We looked at one another very briefly before she burst out crying and curled herself up on my lap. I sat there holding her as I cried with her. Words were useless, but this seemed to convey every painful, horrible, terrifying feeling we had to one another. “Please don’t go off all alone again,” she said.

I looked at her as she lifted her head from where it rested on my shoulder. “Didn’t want to...I know you’ve got Wes…I just...”

She put her hands on either side of my face and wiped the tears she found there away,  “YOU are his Daddy, ok? You. I didn’t think my heart could break anymore until I saw you sitting out here all by yourself. Please don’t do it again. Promise me. I need you with me.”

I nodded before hugging her to me again. I never responded to her request, but I made a promise to myself that no matter how I felt about Wes or what seeing them together did to me, I wouldn’t leave her side again while we were going through this.

“Frank…Laurel…” I looked up to see Adrian who had obviously run all the way to find us. “Doctor wants to speak with you. Bennett’s out of surgery.”

We practically fell over one another to get up and back inside the hospital. I just needed to see my son. Everything else we could deal with as long as he was alive and I could see him. I felt Laurel take hold of my hand as we quickly walked back to the waiting area where a nurse was waiting on us. “Bennett Delfino’s parents?”

“Yes,” Laurel replied.

“If you’ll follow me…” I knew my family would be arriving any second and hoped they’d figure out where to go. I couldn’t be worried about it at the moment. They knew Laurel’s family well enough to manage without me for a while. "Just Mom and Dad for now," she explained. Laurel's family and Wes were standing around just as eager to get to his bedside as the two of us. 

“Where is he?” Laurel asked. “He’s…”

“He’s out of surgery and in our Pediatric Intensive Care Unit,” she explained. “His lead surgeon is in here to explain everything that went on with Bennett and let you know what to expect.” We followed her in a room with a large table and were greeted by a man that was clearly the surgeon.

“Mr. and Mrs. Delfino,” he said. “I’m Dr. Windham. I was the lead Trauma Surgeon on Bennett’s case along with Dr. Kim and Dr. Evans.” We never corrected the way he addressed us. All we wanted to know was how Bennett was and when we could see him. “Bennett had extensive internal injuries. When we got him stable enough to take to surgery, or as stable as we could, we found that he had a laceration to his liver, some damage to his small bowel, and an injury to his diaphragm and spleen. We had to give him multiple units of blood during surgery and we did come very close to losing him, but he's holding his own at the moment. He's stable enough for you two to see him.”

Laurel sat down in a chair next to where I stood as she could no longer stand. The more we heard about the seriousness of our son's injuries, the worse it felt. She tried to speak several times, but nothing came out. This was the stuff that happens to other people that you only hear about. This was supposed to be our worst nightmare, but nothing more. We weren't supposed to be trying to mentally prepare ourselves for what we were about to see.

“We were able to repair his bowel and diaphragm, but we did have to remove half of his spleen. Not long after we finished the first operation, one of his lungs collapsed and we had to take him back to the operating room and insert a chest tube. That will be in until chest x-rays show it's safe to remove it. We expect the liver to heal on its own, but he is going to be very critical for the next 24 to 48 hours. I cannot promise you he won’t be taken back to surgery nor can I give you the kind of prognosis I know you want to hear right now. It’s touch and go, but he’s a strong little boy and is doing as well as we could possibly expect given his injuries. He had no spinal or head trauma, which is a huge thing in his favor. He did suffer a broken left arm, which we cast, but that should heal with no problems.”

“I just want to see him,” Laurel cried. We were both so overwhelmed by everything we had just been told, and the only thing that mattered in that moment was being able to see him. I didn't know where to begin when it came to all we'd just heard. It sounded like everything in his little body had been damaged and I couldn't wrap my head around it. The surgeon who had just told us all the overwhelming news stood and ushered us out of the room through a different door than we’d come in.

“We’ve still got him sedated and he'll remain that way for now,” he explained. “We are letting his body rest while it heals itself, so you’ll see a tube down his throat connected to a machine that breathes for him. He’s also got various wires and tubes connected to him that are delivering medications that are helping keep him stable. Will you both be staying with him?”

We both answered that we would be immediately and in unison. There was no question. Neither of us would be leaving this hospital until Bennett did. “You’ll both need armbands that I’ll get for you,” the nurse explained. I didn’t care what I had to wear, just long as they understood we wouldn’t be leaving.

The walk to the PICU seemed to take forever, and I felt more and more dread the closer we got. We followed the doctor and nurse through the sliding doors of the unit and heard them tell a few nurses at the desk that we were Bennett’s parents. Either they were incredibly familiar with their patients or Bennett was well-known already. In the hospital, I didn’t think that was a good thing.

The doctor came to a stop outside of a room with sliding glass doors that had colorful curtains pulled so that whatever was on the other side couldn’t be seen. “Remember, you’ll see a lot of frightening, foreign stuff, but he’s holding his own right now. We urge you to talk to him, touch him, just be mindful of tubes and wires.” I closed my eyes as I heard him open the doors and pull the curtain.

When I entered the room I felt as if someone knocked the breath out of me. I don’t know what kept me from hitting the floor. There wasn’t a form of torture on earth that could be worse than seeing my son in the shape he was in. I braced myself against the wall before I lost my balance. I felt Laurel gripping my other hand as tight as I’d ever felt anyone hold it. She was trying so hard to keep it together, but the second we made eye contact I knew she was as terrified as I was.

We slowly approached his bed and took in the sight before us. I was used to seeing a running, jumping, rambunctious little boy that never seemed to tire no matter how much he ran and played. The little one lying on the huge bed in front of us was swollen from everything that had been pumped into him. I saw wires and tubes coming from almost every part of his body. The only thing he had on was a diaper, but he looked completely clothed for all the bandages, wires, and monitors. There were so many monitors all beeping at different times. It was the most terrifying thing I’d ever seen in my life. This almost seemed worse than the accident itself.

I wanted to rip everything off him, grab him up, and get him away from this place. At the same time, I was painfully aware that every horrible thing connected to him was a literal lifeline and he needed all of it. No matter how much I hated it, there was nothing I could do for him. Nothing at all. I kept hold of Laurel as I watched her reach out to stroke his hair. “Hey baby,” she said through her tears. “Mommy and Daddy are here. We’re right here, Bennett.”

I reached down and took hold of one of his tiny hands and held it in my own. The warmth I felt there was the only reassurance I'd felt in hours. It was the only tangible sign of life I had to hold onto. He was so small and fragile and I had no idea how someone his size survived something this serious. I kept my other arm around Laurel’s waist as I felt her start to fall apart. I pulled her against me and rested my head on her shoulder as I started crying right along with her.

This was the worst thing I’d ever faced. I knew now more than ever if Bennett didn’t pull through, there was no hope for me at all.

 

 


	9. Chapter 9

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thanks for all the kudos and comments! They help motivate more than you all know!

The past 3 days had been the cruelest form of Hell I’d ever encountered.

I had never experienced so many ups and downs in my life. Every day Bennett survived was a milestone that brought with it so many twists and turns that it’d make anyone’s head spin. During his first 24 hours after surgery, he had to be taken back to the operating room. During his second 24 hours after surgery, his blood pressure seemed to drop anytime we touched him, and he was maxed out on the medication that kept it stable. All we could do was sit and look at him while the hours ticked slowly by. Today his blood counts had been slowly dropping despite blood transfusions, and there was talk of taking him back to surgery and removing what remained of his spleen. They’d tried to salvage it, but it was looking more and more like that wasn’t going to happen.

He was an incredibly sick little boy, but he wasn’t giving up and neither were we.

I’d learned more medical terms than I ever thought possible over the past 3 days. I learned what every single wire or tube connected to him was doing and why he had it. I learned what different medications were called and what they were used for. I learned the names of nurses, doctors, respiratory therapists, social workers, and any other member of the medical staff that came in contact with him.

His condition was critical, and nobody could give us a definite prognosis. I was quickly learning that nobody in this place liked definites and they refused to speak in them. When the child they were caring for had 2 Attorneys as parents, that wasn’t always well received. I needed facts, not answers that could go either way.

There had been a steady stream of visitors the past 3 days, and that had gotten to be overwhelming at times. We knew people loved us and meant well, but all Laurel and I wanted to do was focus on our son. Any time spent elsewhere was filled with worry about something going wrong while we were away and never being able to forgive ourselves. Nobody else understood that. They couldn’t, and I was thankful. I hoped they never would.

The two of us were the only ones permitted to stay with him around the clock. I got the impression that was difficult for Wes to accept. He’d been here at the hospital as much as possible, but visiting hours for anyone that wasn’t a guardian was limited, and we both had parents who wanted to see Bennett as much as possible too. Wes had been able to come into the PICU every day for a very brief amount of time, and I even stepped out of the room to give him and Laurel privacy. I could still tell that he was having a hard time with the fact he was considered an outsider more than anything by the hospital staff and our families.

Laurel and I were doing the best we could. I had never seen her so exhausted in all the time I'd known her, but she refused to leave our son's side for even the smallest stretch of sleep. We'd tried sleeping in shifts so that one of us would always be awake, but when I found her sitting up during her time to sleep, I gave up on that plan. We both laid on the tiny couch in Bennett's room each night, but she was up and down constantly. I was awake the second I felt her get up - it was an ongoing cycle. Every beep a monitor made, every time a nurse's aid came in to change his position in bed, and any time a nurse came in to administer a medication or check on him - Laurel was awake and at his side. To say I felt like a zombie would be an understatement, but I didn't dare complain. She barely ate, slept, or did anything for herself. I was struggling with taking care of both of them. 

Our parents were in to say their goodbyes before going to the hotel for the night. One set of grandparents always stayed the night at the hospital while the other went to the hotel, or when it was Laurel’s parents - her Dad to the hotel and her Mom went to their house with Wes. They had no business trying to sleep in a waiting room, but the 4 of them refused to leave Laurel and me alone at the hospital with him. Tonight it was my parents staying. Last night it had been Laurel’s, and I quickly discovered that all Jorge knew how to do was throw money at a situation. We had the very best doctors taking care of Bennett, but still, anytime a problem popped up he wanted to fly whatever specialist he thought might bring a miracle in. I’d let him order the staff around and then apologize once he was gone.

“I want to see you up ready to kick the soccer ball with me tomorrow,” Jorge said as he leaned down and kissed Bennett on the forehead. Laurel and her Dad had never been particularly close, but he did a 180 when Bennett entered the world. He went from someone who thought of only work and nothing else, not even his own children, to someone who actually seemed to enjoy being a grandfather. “Got you a brand new ball!”

“We’ve been talking about his new soccer ball,” Laurel smiled. She gently stroked Bennett's hair as she never took her eyes off him. I could tell how hard it was for her. She had to sit by and watch while other people took care of him. The time she got to spend reading to him or talking with him was the only thing she had to hold onto. She had breakdowns every night once it got quiet and everyone was gone for the day. Sometimes I thought she never would stop crying and I could do nothing but sit, hold her, and feel completely helpless. “Think he’s going to be tall like his Daddy.”

“Goalkeeper,” Jorge smiled.

“Mija…” Her Mom pulled Laurel into a hug as they both said a tearful goodbye. The moment she was in her Mom's arms, she broke down. They’d be back in a few short hours, but any change in support system seemed to take hits at Laurel’s already fragile state. “You're exhausted."

"I'm fine," Laurel insisted. It was true, she was exhausted, but that wasn't the thing to say to her.

Wes put his arm around her, "Have you slept at all?" That was a stupid question. Of course, she hadn't slept. How could she sleep when our son was lying in a hospital bed on life support? I ignored that as best I could. He just didn't get it. Yes, he'd been in Bennett's life from his first day in some capacity, but he just didn't get what it was like to watch your own flesh and blood hang in the balance and be unable to do anything about it.  "Frank looks like he's had some sleep..."

"Hey, fuck you," I blurted out. I didn't allow him to finish because I didn't care where it was going. This asshole had a lot of nerve standing in my son's hospital room making comments about how rested I looked when I was running on a few hours myself. The sleep I did get was short lived. As soon as I dozed off the nightmares started or Laurel shot off the couch like something terrible had happened. Both caused me to jerk awake thinking Bennett had died as I slept and I'd missed the last moment I'd ever have with him. I hadn't rested since before Bennett's accident.

"Frank!" My Mother said. I'd have to remember to apologize to her and Laurel's Mother later. 

"Excuse me?" Wes looked at me as if his previous comment wasn't pointed. Laurel might have fallen for this prick, but I could see right through him. I had given him the benefit of the doubt long enough. I was done with his comments. He didn't like me, and I didn't like him. That is how this was going to go.

I walked closer to where he stood. "I stutter?"

"Frank," Laurel reached out and put her hand on my chest. "Don't...."

Wes looked me up and down. I hoped he didn't think he was going to take me on, but I was relieved to know we were in a hospital if he tried to. "I think we can both agree she's exhausted and needs some rest. Maybe you could make sure that happened tonight rather than sleeping yourself."

"Maybe we wouldn't be here if it wasn't for you," I spat. "Ever think about that? How fuckin' hard is it to keep up with a 3-year-old? She's allowed out of the house for the first time since you brought them out here and my son ends up underneath a fuckin' car!" Logically, I knew what I was saying was ridiculous, but I couldn't hold back. I saw Laurel start crying again, but I was too far gone to stop myself. "You got a lot of nerve speakin' to me like that when you're the reason my son is in the shape he is. You can get out!"

I felt my Mother take hold of my arm, "Frank, honey, let's step outside for a few minutes. Cool off."

"I'm cool," I replied. "I just want him out of my sight and away from my son!"

Laurel said nothing. I might have seen things, but I felt like she inched closer to me and not back toward him. I knew I had shown my ass in front of her parents and mine, but I didn't care. I was tired of it. I had been nice as I could be for the past 3 days and this was the thanks I got. Accusations that I wasn't looking out for Laurel. I was doing more than he'd ever done for her. I was doing the best I could. Flying blind through the most painful situation I'd ever faced in my life and I'd be damned if I was going to be disrespected by him. 

"You heard him, Wes," Jorge said. I was hearing things. I had to be. There was no way Jorge Castillo was taking my side about anything.

Wes glared at Laurel. I wasn't asking her to choose between us. She'd made her choice, I was simply asking her to respect me as Bennett's Father. Her eyes, full of tears, met mine. I'd prepared myself for what I knew had to be coming. "I'm going to walk him out," she said. As long as I didn't have to look at him any longer, that was fine by me.

Wes turned and walked out without so much as looking back in my direction. He was furious, but I didn't care. For 3 years I'd done my best to keep the peace, and I was finished. I had no idea how we would go forward from this. I had to believe we'd still have a reason to go forward. Bennett was going to be fine. It might be rocky for a while as we hashed out the differences among us adults, but we'd figure it out.

“You all go ahead,” Jorge said to the other adults in the room. “I’ll be on in a minute.”

I could see Wes and Laurel talking in the hallway outside Bennett's hospital room. He was furious. She had her arms crossed in front of her and much to my surprise, she looked completely unhappy with him. I wasn't trying to cause trouble between them, but I refused to take any more of his shit. 

My parents said their goodbyes and assured me they'd be in the waiting area if we needed them for anything. Laurel's Mom gave me a hug, told me I was doing a great job, and that she'd see us in the morning. My only hope was that Laurel would be as understanding of my outburst as our Mothers. 

Jorge slid the glass doors closed once everyone else was out of the room. I had no idea where this was going, but clearly, he wanted to speak to me. I respected Laurel, but if he started any shit with me, he was going to find himself going out the window across the room. I wasn’t doing this with him. Wes was enough for one night. Laurel looked at me before he closed the curtains, and I nodded to let her know it was ok. She had enough on her without having to referee any conversation between her Father and me.

“Frank,” he said. "I know I’m overstepping here, but I think this has gone on long enough.”

I looked at him confused. I had no idea where the hell he was going with this, but I was not above ending it immediately. I’d hate to put Laurel through that, but she’d just have to trust me it was for everyone’s good. “You’re gonna have to be more specific, Jorge. I’m not operatin’ at full capacity.”

“Laurel and Bennett have no business here in San Diego,” he said. “You and I both know that. This isn’t the place for them. She’s not happy. Bennett isn’t happy. It’s gone on long enough.”

“She’s a grown woman, Jorge,” I reminded him. “What she does with her life isn’t any of our business. The only concern I have is Bennett.” That wasn't entirely true, but I still knew where the boundaries were. 

He turned away from me and walked across the room. I could tell he was thinking about how he was going to disguise his next order. The man really never gave up, and he had no concept of not getting his way. “Wes, despite his flaws, is a nice guy. I’ve no doubt he’ll make someone happy. That someone isn’t my daughter, Frank. It’s not acceptable for my daughter to be out here by herself like this. I kept my mouth shut and look what happened.”

I sighed. “This could have happened anywhere.” Unfortunately, that was the truth. Bennett could have ignored something I told him and rode his bike out into the street in Philadelphia just as he’d done here. I knew what I'd said to Wes a few moments earlier, but I was just pissed off. I knew very well that Bennett moved at lightening speed and could be out of sight in a matter of seconds. 

“You need to take Laurel and Bennett home, Frank.” I got the impression this was an order; not a suggestion. “This isn’t acceptable for my daughter and grandson, and I won’t sit by watching it all happen much longer.”

I always got the feeling I was bordering on being an accessory to murder when I had a conversation with this guy. “Jorge, again, what is going on between Laurel and Wes isn’t my business. Bennett is my business. The end.” Maybe he was becoming hard of hearing in his older years.

“You’re in love with my daughter,” he said. I guess it was obvious. No wonder Wes didn’t much care for me. “Don’t deny it. A guy like yourself unattached? Never for very long, but you’ve not been in a relationship since Laurel. It’s time to end all the back and forth and get my daughter and grandson out of this mess and back where they belong.”

“Yeah,” I said. “And where is that?”

“Philadelphia with you,” he replied. “I’m sure Wes loves her, and I’m sure he loves Bennett, but he’s not who I want her with. My daughter wasn’t born to struggle through all of this. That’s all it’s ever going to be if she stays here. How she got herself in this is beyond me, but clearly, we’re going to have to get her out of it. She's not had the easiest life, Frank, you know that. Part of that is my fault, but she's worked hard to get where she is and I'll not have her with someone that is fine living out his dream while she puts hers on hold. It's unacceptable.”

She and Wes were still starting out and trying to establish themselves in the legal world. They’d both done a great job back in Philadelphia. Things would improve, and they’d be fine. Laurel would work again. The past couple months had been hard on all of us without her Dad trying to add his own element of difficulty to the mix. “We’re not going to do anything, got it? This conversation is over. She’s an adult. You have a problem with Wes, talk to her about it, but I’m not your guy, Jorge. You know better than anyone how she gets when people interfere with her life.”

Laurel and I had a good relationship. I’d gotten used to playing the third wheel when it came to her life with Wes. We’d somehow managed to keep it peaceful as possible for Bennett, and I was proud of that fact. I didn't know what my earlier outburst would do to the relationship, but prior to that, we'd been fine. It killed me being so far away, but I could get used to it. I had been slowly getting used to it until this happened. Now I didn’t know what would happen, but I knew I didn’t want to screw anything between us up.

He slowly walked back over to stand next to Bennett’s bedside. “You know when she first told us she was pregnant, I assumed she’d end up back in Florida with Elena and me. I assumed she’d gotten pregnant by some law student that was clueless as she was, young, and drowning in student loan debt. I was prepared to support her and the baby. I know we haven’t always gotten along, Frank, but I appreciate you taking care of my daughter and grandson. She was able to finish school and start her career without my help, and while it hurt my pride a bit, it made me proud. You’ve taken responsibility and been the kind of Father I should have been to her and Adrian.”

I had no idea why he was telling me this other than to try to weasel himself on my good side. I didn’t have a good side when it came to Jorge Castillo. “I’m not going to interfere in her life, Jorge…”

Our conversation was interrupted by one of Bennett’s doctors entering the room. Over the past 3 days, I’d learned enough to know doctors only came in when something needed to be done or a change to the plan needed to happen.

“I’ll get Laurel,” Jorge said.

“Wish I could say I was happy to see you,” I said to the surgeon. He was a nice guy with children of his own. I knew if he was here to intervene then it needed to be done. He knew exactly what was at stake.

He nodded. “Wish I could say I was here with better news, but we’ve conferred and decided the best course of action is going ahead and removing the other half of his spleen. He’s still having some bleeding where we hoped the damage would heal and he doesn’t have the luxury of the watch and see approach anymore. Lots of people live without a spleen, we just try to decrease the trauma as much as possible by leaving what we can.”

I walked over and took a seat in a chair next to Bennett’s bed. He was so very sick. The trauma his little body had endured was unimaginable. I watched my son as he laid in bed completely helpless and unaware of what was being done to him. I wanted to see him open his eyes. I wanted to hear his voice. I wanted to see the color return to his cheeks. I wanted so much for him and couldn’t do shit about it. “There’s nothin' else you can do?”

“We’ve given it as much time as is safe to do,” he replied. “I know you’ve heard me say this and are probably tired of it, but if it were my son. I know it’s not, but Father to Father, this is where we’re at. His body is working so hard, and this is only compounding the problem. It’ll alter life a bit. He’ll be more prone to infection, maybe have to take antibiotics more than a child that still had their spleen, but otherwise, it won’t cause any problems. If we keep on down this road…”

“Ok,” I said. I was trying to be understanding. I was trying to make myself realize that these doctors really did want the best for Bennett. Most of them had children, and all had dedicated their lives to saving little ones. I was just so tired of handing him off not knowing if we’d get him back. Every time we had to tell him goodbye before they took him away for another procedure tore shreds of my heart out, and none had been returned to me. I was pretty sure none of them ever would. If we survived this, it would be a long time before we recovered mentally. The thought I’d be expected to do it 3,000 miles away induced anxiety like I’d never felt before. It made Jorge make a little sense, and that in itself was disturbing. “Just…let me talk to Laurel about it first, ok? I want her to hear it from me.”

“Of course,” he said. “Just notify his nurse when you’re ready, and we’ll bring consents in. I’ll come back to discuss everything with both of you then.“

I took Bennett’s hand in my own as we waited for Laurel to return. “Bennett,” I said. “I'm sorry for earlier. I shouldn't have spoken to Wes like that. I know you love him and that's ok. He didn't mean for you to get hurt, so I shouldn't have said those things. I'm just strugglin' without you. I need you to promise me somethin’." I took in everything about his perfect little face. Even bruised with his cheeks absent of that rosy color I was used to seeing, he was the only definition of perfect I'd ever know. "I know you’re so tired. I know you’re tired of fightin' because I’m tired of watchin’ you fight, but you gotta hang on just a little longer, k? Promise me that.” I kissed his tiny hand as I listened to the sound of the ventilator delivering breaths to him every few seconds. “Daddy can’t make it without you, Bud. I can’t do it. You and your Mom are the very best things to ever happen to me, and I can’t do it without you. You’re the strongest person I know, and I got a lifetime of stuff to learn from you, so you hang on and I promise it’s gonna get easier. We’re doin’ everything we can to help you.” I could only pray we were doing the right things.

I heard the door to his room open and the sense of dread I felt having to tell Laurel the next horrible twist in this journey was almost more than I could handle. “What’s going on?” I didn’t know if it was sadder having to tell her or knowing she knew before I ever said anything that something else was wrong. “Frank, what is it?”

I looked over at her from where I sat next to Bennett. I couldn't hide the tears in my own eyes. “Laurel.”

She started crying before her name ever left my mouth. She knew something was wrong and that she didn’t want to hear it. I stood from where I sat and went to her immediately. “Dr. Windham stopped by right after you left to walk everyone out. He’s still bleeding…”

“No,” she shook her head and pulled away from me. “Frank, no.”

“They have to take him back to surgery and remove the rest of his spleen. They’ve waited on things to turn around long as they can.” I watched as she walked over to Bennett and sat down where I’d been only seconds before. She took his tiny hand in her own and rested her head on his bed as she cried. “Laurel…”

“We promised we’d stop letting them hurt him,” she said. “I promised him, Frank. He’s so little....” Every time I thought my heart had gotten immune to pain, I realized just how wrong I was.

“I know,” I said. I couldn’t think of anything else to say to her. She was right. Every time they took him for a procedure, or to surgery, when he got back we would talk to him and promise we would stop any bad stuff that we could. Here we were again allowing them to do something else to him that would cause him pain later. I kept hoping something would come to me that I could say to make her feel better, but the more I thought about it, the worse I felt myself. "Sorry for what I said to Wes earlier, I was...."

She stood and wrapped her arms around my neck, cutting me off as she hugged me and continued crying. "Don't. You are taking care of us just like you always have, ok? We're making it because we have you, so don't...." Before I knew what was happening, I was crying right along with her. I didn’t know how to be the strong one tonight. For days I’d done what I could to protect her and tell her everything was going to be fine, but standing here holding her as we faced more uncertainty, I didn’t know that I believed it anymore myself.

 


	10. Chapter 10

By some miracle, Bennett had made it through the worst of things.

After surgery to remove what remained of his spleen, his condition started to slowly improve. We’d done what we could to minimize lasting trauma to his body, but this had saved his life so I couldn’t look back on the decision with regret. The doctors had made the right call when it was necessary, and we decided to trust them. We’d forever be grateful to the men and women who had worked tirelessly to save our little boy.

We thought once Bennett was awake, breathing on his own, and able to move around that things would improve. The tough part had only just begun. He’d come off the ventilator breathing fine, but very agitated and scared of his surroundings. He had to have either Laurel or me in his sight, or that triggered a meltdown we didn’t want him having while his little body recovered from the accident and trauma surrounding it.

He didn’t fully remember what happened to him and I was thankful for it. He remembered being outside and he remembered Wes - aside from that, he had no recollection of just exactly how he'd been injured. We explained it to him as best we could and talked about every surgical incision, tube, and monitor that he had. He seemed to understand, but that did nothing to lessen his attachment to us. He thought the cast on his arm was really cool, so we’d made sure to have people sign or draw on it. All in all, he was doing as well as he could be, but we still had a long way to go.

We were looking at taking him home in the next few days, and that brought with it even more anxiety. For both Laurel and I, and also for Bennett. If I got out of his sight for very long he wanted to know where I was and he wanted to make sure I was still coming back. It broke my heart to hear him ask Laurel where I was when I stepped away for a few minutes. There was no way I’d be going back to Philadelphia anytime soon. His physical recovery I could see and felt positive about. His emotional state after everything was another story and I wouldn’t do anything to jeopardize it. For Laurel and I, it was the anxiety of taking him away from 24-hour observation by trained medical professionals. 

The situation with Wes hadn't improved much. I apologized, but he had no interest in accepting. I was in the wrong and I could admit that. I had admitted it. He had decided to hold a grudge and act as if the problem had been all mine. I knew he and Laurel had been having problems ever since. As always, she was willing to forgive and see the situation for what it had been - an exhausted and terrified Father lashing out. The fact that Wes refused to do the same had been the underlying issue between them. I wasn't going anywhere, so either he would find a way to get over it or he'd spend the rest of his time miserable. His choice.

Bennett and I were lying in his hospital bed watching _Cars_. He was snuggled into me and kept a firm grip on my shirt. Laurel and Wes were sitting on the couch in the room discussing the week ahead. Wes would be returning to work at full capacity and would be in Sacramento the day we brought Bennett home. He'd come in earlier demanding to know plans. I probably shouldn’t say demanding, but I could tell he was pissed that I had no exit date in sight.

The more I thought about what her Dad said, the more it made sense, and in agreement with Laurel's Father wasn't any place I wanted to be. I didn't understand how Wes could go off to work and do what he wanted to do while Laurel stayed home unable to do what she'd worked so hard for. Still, it was none of my business and with Bennett's injuries and recovery - it actually ended up working out for the best. Laurel would have had to take a leave of absence anyway. 

The little boy in my arms slept holding Laurel or me with a death grip. If Wes thought for a single second I was leaving anytime soon, he had another thing coming. Bennett giggled at something one of the characters on the screen said before whimpering and placing his little hand on his stomach. “Still hurt to laugh, Ben?”

“Yeah,” he nodded. Moving with surgical incisions to his stomach had been the biggest challenge so far. The first day we got him out of bed and made him walk ended with all 3 of us in tears. I considered myself a tough guy. I had made it through some shit in my day. Seeing my 3-year-old son struggle through pain to walk from one side of the room to the other ripped my fucking heart out. Everything in me wanted to pick him up and carry him, but I knew walking was the best thing for him. The physical therapists had been great with him and had consoled Laurel and me more than once.

“You not leave Daddy, otay?” This shit came out of the blue all the time now. We were lying in bed watching a movie, and I didn’t even have my shoes on, but his first thought was to tell me not to leave.

The thought of everything that happened with me so far away still killed me. I tried not to think about it, but I couldn't help it. The more aware he became, and the more he expressed fear about being separated from both of us, the more I thought about it. The moments where I thought about what must have gone through his head as he laid there on the ground still aware, but gravely injured, were the worst. He was only 3, but I thought about him feeling abandoned. He was so seriously hurt, and my face wasn't one of the ones he saw before he finally slipped into unconsciousness. I didn't think I'd ever get over the pain of knowing that. 

I kissed him on the head. “Not goin’ anywhere, Ben. I’m right here.” He reached up with his little hand and took hold of mine. He pulled it to him and held it as if he believed he was strong enough to keep me right there in bed next to him if he wanted. “Hey,” I said. “Look at me. I’m not goin’ anywhere, ok? I’m here, and Mommy is here. Don’t worry about that.”

He nodded his little head, but there was something there that made me realize no matter what we promised, he was terrified of Laurel and I leaving him. I didn’t know what the hell we were going to do.

Laurel got up from where she sat next to Wes and got his sippy cup off the bedside table. “Can you drink some of this for me?”  We’d been struggling when it came to getting him to eat or drink, and they’d just taken him off IV fluids to get him ready for discharge in a couple of days, so we found ourselves pushing fluids and snacks round the clock. We worried about everything. How much he ate or drank, how often he went to the restroom, the amount of time he was awake and asleep, and a ton of other stuff we never saw ourselves worrying about again. “It’s apple juice. Just a few sips, ok?”

Bennett took the cup from her and brought it to his mouth. We watched as he took a few sips before handing it back in her direction. “Good job,” she smiled. “I’m going to walk Wes out so he can go home, ok? He has to go work tomorrow."

His face immediately fell. “No,” he whined. I knew he wasn't upset that Wes was leaving. He didn't want Laurel to get out of his sight. 

“Baby,” she said. “I’m coming back. I promise. You stay here with Daddy and watch _Cars_ and Mommy will be right back.” She was trying to reason with him, but I knew it'd do no good. Neither of us had been able to leave him long as he was awake and aware. We did most everything for ourselves after he went to sleep at night or during naps. 

Next thing we knew he was wailing. Crying hurt his stomach, so then not only was he crying from separation anxiety, he was crying from pain. Laurel carefully picked him up and held him to her. “Ok…ok…..shhh, I’m not going anywhere, Bennett. I promise. I’m right here, ok?” He continued crying as he held onto her as tightly as he could. “Bennett, baby…” Laurel started getting upset as he continued crying in her arms. “Mommy’s not going to leave you. I promise. I’m here.”

Wes stood from his place on the couch and made his way over. “Hey, little man,” he said. Bennett seemed to cling to Laurel even tighter anytime Wes was near him. We all knew Wes had done everything he could to protect Bennett, and we knew he loved him as if he were his own, but Bennett seemed to associate the accident with him. "Your Mom is only going to be gone for a second. She's coming back!"

Bennett started crying harder and wrapped his legs around Laurel's waist. "Wes," she scolded. "Bennett, Mommy isn't going anywhere. It's ok!"

"Mommy pwease not go!" Bennett cried.

That was enough to start Laurel's tears and motivate me to get out of bed and between her and Wes. "Shhh," I said as I rubbed Bennett's back. I tried taking him from Laurel, but he clung to her for dear life. "Ben..."

Laurel backed away from me as she held Bennett to her and tried to comfort him. "Wes, just go, we'll talk later." I could tell that wasn't what he wanted to hear, but there was nothing we could do. "Don't start now." The frustration in her voice was clear, but I never looked behind me. I could only guess Wes had given her a look when she asked him to go. "Please."

Soon as I heard the door shut, I wrapped them both in a hug and kissed Bennett on the head. His little body was trembling between us. It was both frustrating and heartbreaking to know he was terrified, but have no idea why. We didn't know if it was flashbacks of the accident that he couldn't articulate, if it was all the times he'd been poked and prodded, or if it was something else entirely. I thought I'd felt helpless at the beginning of this nightmare, but I had no idea how much worse it was going to get.

He eventually calmed down, so Laurel took a seat in the rocking chair with him as I got back in bed. “Can you call his nurse? I think we need something for pain, so he’ll go to s-l-e-e-p.” Even as sick as he had been, the words sleep or bedtime was still offensive to him. As always, with Bennett, it was better to spell them out. “Is your tummy hurting?” She asked him sweetly. He nodded as he rested his head against her chest and kept hold of her.

“Daddy,” he whined. I saw him reaching his little arm out for me.

“You want Daddy?” Laurel asked.

“You not go, Mommy.”

I had no idea how we were going to overcome this. The doctors told us it was normal for him to display this type of behavior during the initial stages of his recovery, but it brought me no comfort when I realized my home was almost 3,000 miles away. They couldn't give us any idea on how long he might be this way but told us it was best to give him reassurance. He was still too fragile to simply adjust like the old Bennett had been expected to. 

Laurel stood from the rocking chair with him. “How about we lay down with Daddy? Will that be better?” I saw him nod his head and quickly scooted over in the hospital bed to make room for them. Normally, Laurel slept in bed with him and I took the couch. I didn't know if he'd allow that arrangement tonight. I called his nurse while Laurel carefully got in bed with him. He never let go of her or took his eyes off me. It broke my heart thinking about the anxiety he was feeling and knew I’d do whatever I had to do to take it from him.

It was a tight squeeze, the 3 of us in the hospital bed, but it comforted Bennett so that is all that mattered. Laurel arranged him between us, and we both turned on our sides to sandwich him in. Everything about him relaxed the moment he felt both of us near him.

"I wanna see Pops," he told us. Laurel's Dad was Pops. Not only did he want Laurel and I around all the time, but he usually requested a random family member a few times a day also. Tonight it was Jorge. "Him pway soccer wif me." Jorge could work remotely, so he'd set up camp at a hotel nearby for the time being. I knew he was plotting something but chose to ignore it for now. He'd brought taking Laurel and Bennett back with me up several times since he first mentioned it. 

Laurel smiled. "How about we call him first thing in the morning. Is that ok? Pops is probably already asleep. He's pretty grumpy if we wake him up!" 

Bennett nodded and smiled at the idea of his Pops being grumpy. I laughed to myself as I thought about waking Jorge up out of bed to come kick a soccer ball around the small hospital room. Though if Bennett requested it, I knew he'd do it. We'd yet to break it to him that he wouldn't be playing soccer this year. 

We heard a knock on the door and saw one of Bennett's favorite nurses come into the room with her computer. "How's my favorite blue-eyed guy tonight?!"

Bennett smiled. "I good." Laurel fussed at me when I pointed it out, but he already had a way with the ladies. One flash of those eyes and he had the nurses around this place bringing whatever he asked for. Popsicles, juice, stickers, toys, etc. It was a proud moment for me as his Father.

She smiled. "How does your tummy feel?"

"Hurts," he told her. "Dat one!" He pointed to the pediatric pain chart on the wall. He knew the drill.

She clicked on a few things in her computer before preparing his medication. "This one?" She double checked. "The sad face?"

He nodded.

"You remember what you have to tell me?" She asked. He looked up at her with wide eyes. "I know you remember! You never forget anything." She had no idea how true that statement was.

"My name," he said. "Bennett Caseeo Delfino." I smiled. Maybe I was biased, but we had the cutest damn kid on the planet.

"And when is your birthday?" We had to go through this every single time they gave him anything. If nothing else, he'd know his name and birthday.

"Um," he thought for a minute. He finally looked up at Laurel so she could answer for him. She whispered the correct date to him, and I watched as he lit up at the idea of getting to handle his business on his own. "It May 14th!"

Laurel smiled before relaying the year he'd left off. She helped him sit up between us as the nurse scanned his armband and handed him the small cup of medicine. He made a face as he swallowed the contents of the cup and took his sippy cup from me to chase the offending liquid down. This hospital stay had been traumatic and something I never wanted to experience again long as I lived, but it'd ended the struggle we used to face when it came to giving him medicine. He took whatever he was given like a pro now.

He settled back down between us and rambled for a while before we noticed him starting to drift off. I noticed Laurel's phone light up before she ignored the call from Wes. Laurel sighed before looking at me, "What are we going to do?" She sounded completely defeated. The exhaustion of this experience and the realization that things weren't just going to go back to normal overwhelming her. 

I had no answer for her, and she seemed to sense that. We watched Bennett sleep between us without saying another word for the longest. 

"Wes was my first friend in Philadelphia," she started. I had no idea where this was going. "He was the only person in class I met that wasn't trying to get ahead by any means necessary. He was genuinely happy for my accomplishments and in a new city where you don't know anyone, that means a lot." She sat up in bed, careful not to disturb Bennett. "He never said one negative thing to me when he found out about us, or about him. He promised to be there, and that was it. He kept his promise."

I listened but didn't say anything. Laurel had never been an open book. When she decided to spill what was on her mind, I listened. "And that's not easy, you know? Accepting another man's child. Knowing you're always going to be at arm's length because he has a Father. An amazing Father. He's done it, though. He promised and he's been there." I could understand her point. Despite how I felt about Wes, I could see what she was saying.

She smiled. "You know, no matter what Wes does, it's never as good as Daddy does it. Doesn't matter what it is, Bennett is always sure to tell him exactly how you do it. All I'm saying is the past 3 years haven't been easy on him. I'm not defending his behavior now, but he's been good to us, Frank."

"I know he has," I replied. "I'm not askin' you to take sides, Laurel. I know he's been there and I respect what you two have." Maybe she'd gotten the wrong idea. Or maybe I hadn't been able to hide things as well as I thought.

"I know that, and that's not what I'm trying to say." She turned toward me. "Ever since he came along, Wes has honestly never asked for a single thing. He's followed my lead and what was best for him. I don't know what triggered this decision in him, but at that point, I couldn't say no to the one thing he's asked me to do."

I'd known that she felt guilted into coming here. She'd never admitted it until now, but it wasn't new information to me. "It's not workin'," I told her. If she was being honest with me, then I could be honest with her. "I don't have an answer, but I know it's not workin'."

She nodded before growing quiet for a few minutes. "I feel like all I've done his entire life is screw things up." She reached out and stroked his hair as he slept. "I just wanted him to have what I didn't. Two parents and a home. I just wanted his life to be different than mine was. You were married, and...."

I was married, but she'd never given me a real chance. I tried not to take what she was saying personally, but it was hard. I would have given up everything for her if she had just given us a chance. If she'd just stopped fucking blaming herself for what happened. If she'd just trusted we could be what she claimed to want. The offer had never even been on the table. "And I couldn't have been that for you? We couldn't have been that for him?"

Before she could answer Bennett stirred awake. She scooped him up and got out of bed to go sit in the rocking chair while he was still groggy and easy to get back to sleep. The conversation was over. I watched as she covered our son with his favorite blanket and started rocking him. "Shh," she whispered to him. "Can you hit the light? Just leave the lamp on."

"Yeah," I said. I got up and did as she asked. I could hear her softly humming to him as he drifted back to sleep. She may have done what she felt was right, but it had led us to this impasse. No matter if she liked it or not, something would have to change.

 


	11. Chapter 11

I never thought I’d experience fear and uncertainty the way I had when we first brought Bennett home from the hospital as a newborn again.

I can remember packing him and Laurel into my car and driving across town to her apartment. Taking them without permission was one way I would describe the feeling I had that day as I watched the two of them in the rearview mirror on the way home. I couldn’t imagine a hospital allowing two clueless people to leave with a defenseless newborn, but they had. No instruction manual or follow-up to make certain we were doing everything right. They’d wheeled us downstairs, made sure we had Bennett buckled in securely, and we were but a distant memory to those professionals.

Leaving with our 3-year-old after almost 2 weeks in the hospital was an eerily similar feeling.

The day before Bennett was discharged, his nurses watched Laurel and I close to make certain we were administering medication, changing bandages, and performing his physical therapy exercises the correct way. Despite telling them many times that we were not medical professionals, and probably needed to rent out the hospital room for the foreseeable future, they’d told us we had done a great job and were perfectly fine sending us on our way.

We had multiple follow-up appointments, as well as physical therapy appointments to make certain Bennett was regaining all the strength and muscle he’d lost while trapped in a hospital bed. Neither of us was working, but caring for our son for the next few weeks was going to be a full-time job.

I could tell on the drive to their house that Laurel was anxious. That anxiety gave way to tears when we turned into their neighborhood, and she came face to face with the place that almost robbed us of our entire life. I found myself reaching across the console and taking her hand in mine. A simple gesture and one I knew didn't offer much comfort, but I wanted her to know that I understood. To anyone else, it was a simple, neighborhood street. To us, it was the scene of something so horrific that it would take years to get over if we ever would. Bennett was sound asleep in the backseat and unaware that he was almost home. We had no idea how he would react. No idea if seeing the street it happened on would trigger anything in him or not. There were so many unknowns, and they all terrified us.

Physically, he was doing as well as could be expected. He'd have a cast on his arm for a few more weeks, but they didn't expect any lasting issues. His stomach was still tender from the multiple surgeries he had been through, but he was getting around on his own without trouble and seemed to get more of his old energy back with each day. His emotional recovery, at times, seemed more like regression than progress. He refused to play by himself. Normally, Bennett was content to play in his room alone, but he'd refused to let us out of his sight since we'd made it back to their house.

Wes had been working every day for the past week and had been in Sacramento the night before, and the day we brought Bennett home. It was just as well. He was due back home later tonight, and I was planning on leaving for my hotel nearby as soon as we got Bennett tucked in. We had no idea how he was going to react and just prayed that once he was asleep, he wouldn't wake in the middle of the night to realize I wasn't around.

Wes was a topic Laurel and I just didn't discuss. Not since the last conversation about him a few days before. I was pretty certain the damage this experience had caused was irreparable, and that was fine with me - I wasn't going anywhere, and that was for him to accept. We didn't have to be friends or like one another. He didn’t like the fact that I was in California for an undetermined amount of time, but knew there was nothing he could do or say about it. I knew he didn’t begrudge Bennett time with me, but I also knew how territorial he was where Laurel was concerned. It had been a struggle that became more and more obvious with each day that passed.

I could hear Laurel talking on the phone to who I could only assume was Wes. She was in the kitchen cleaning up from dinner and didn't seem to mind that she was talking loud enough for me to hear. She got that way when she was angry. It was obvious that whatever they were discussing was pissing her off more and more as the conversation went on. I was resting on the couch with Bennett, trying to listen to anything else but what Laurel was discussing with him. Colby hopped up on the couch and settled between my legs. We made eye contact, and even he seemed to know trouble was brewing in paradise.

"Cobee wants to lay wif us too, Daddy," Bennett said.

I smiled and kissed him on the head, "Colby can lay with us. That's fine." There was safety in numbers. I didn't blame him for hunkering down with the 2 other guys in the house while Laurel continued to unleash hell on Wes in the other room.

"What Mommy talkin' 'bout?" He asked.

"She's just on the phone," I explained. "She'll be finished in a bit." I didn't dare get into that with Bennett. Whatever was going on between Wes and Laurel was her business to handle.

Despite trying to listen to anything other than their conversation, I could tell parts of it involved me. I heard her remind him several times that I was Bennett's Father, so I could only assume Wes had expressed repeatedly his wish that I pack my shit and get lost. Aside from that, I had no idea what she was so angry about, but there was definitely something going on.

It was a while before I saw Laurel enter the living room and could tell she wasn't happy with whatever had just taken place between the two of them. She'd been crying but was trying to get herself together so Bennett wouldn't ask questions. We both knew our little guy was far too smart for that. He'd already picked up on it before she ever entered the room. "You ok?" I asked.

"He's not coming home tonight," she replied. It was a fine time to dump this on everyone. A few hours before his flight was supposed to arrive. He'd known this shit for hours, but I wasn't going to point that out to her. "Things didn't end in court today, and they have to be back first thing in the morning. I called my Dad, and he won't come over to stay the night. He got in an argument with me about everything. I'm just ready for this day to end." Jorge was still in town a couple more days, and I had a feeling he refused to come stay because he was counting on me doing it. I'd never deny that while he was definitely a bastard, he was a smart one.

I didn't know how to respond. I didn't know how she wanted me to respond. I knew that she was scared to stay alone with Bennett his first night home. I would be terrified to be alone with him myself, so I didn't expect her to feel any different. I watched as she picked up the remote and turned the TV off. "Bennett, it's time for bed."

"I seep wif you and Daddy," he said.

Laurel directed Colby to his kennel as I stood and picked Bennett up. "You can sleep with me," Laurel told him. "Daddy is sleeping somewhere else." I noticed she left off the part about _somewhere else_ being a hotel not far from here. I was trying to hide the fact that I was pissed at Wes. I knew she didn't need it at the moment and to be honest, I was always pissed at Wes. I just couldn't imagine _not_ doing everything I could to get home knowing Laurel was alone with Bennett and scared out of her mind that something would go wrong. The thought of sleeping in my car in their driveway briefly crossed my mind.

"You stay wif me," Bennett whined as he rested his head on my shoulder. I felt him wrap his little body around me as much as he could. I gently patted his back, "You can sleep with Mommy, and you'll see me first thing in the morning. You're back home now, so you know we can't all sleep in the same place like at the hospital. Wes will be back home soon!"

"I want you," he whined. "I not want Wes!"

I didn't know what to do. I didn't want to leave Laurel alone. What if something happened? What if he needed to go back to the hospital? What if he got sick in the night or had a complication? I just didn't feel comfortable being far from him. I'd almost lost him. I'd sat up night after night praying the beeping of his heart monitor would continue. I spent countless hours in surgical waiting rooms hoping that when the door opened and we saw his surgeon standing there that it wouldn't be bad news he was bringing with him. I had come so close to never feeling the little one in my arms hanging on me, so the last thing I wanted to do was put him down and walk away for any length of time.

Sometimes I felt just as emotionally messed up as Bennett.

The thought of sleeping in the rental car I had outside was becoming more and more of a reality, but I wouldn't dare tell Laurel that. She seemed done with the day, done with Wes, and most likely done with me.

"Hey," I said to him. I made him lift his head from my shoulder as I looked him in the eye. "Mommy is tired, so I need you to be a big boy and go to sleep for her without any trouble, ok?" I saw his lip start quivering before he started crying. The old Bennett I could reason with somewhat. Not anymore. I held him to me as he cried and refused to listen to anything I had to say.

"You weave!" He shouted. "And I not want you to go, Daddy!" I don't know how he knew that was the plan, but he knew. We hadn't mentioned it around him, but somehow he knew things were back to normal and I wouldn't be around at night anymore. He was crying so hard he started to cough, and when the force of that hit his incisions things only escalated. "Shhh, ok...ok, I need you to calm down. I'm here." Again, I had no idea what we were going to do.

Laurel tried taking him, but he wouldn't let go of the grip he had on me. "Bennett," she tried again. I saw him kick his little foot out and was able to stop him before he came in contact with her.

"BENNETT!" I was louder than I'd meant to be, but recovering or not, he wasn't going to get away with kicking Laurel. He immediately started crying again and hid his face on my shoulder. Laurel started crying as she turned to go to her bedroom and away from the situation. In so many ways, she was just as fragile as Bennett, and I had no idea what to do for either of them. I rubbed his back as I continued holding him. "I know you're upset, but you never ever try to hurt Mommy, understand? You could have hurt her trying to kick her." He started crying harder at the thought of hurting Laurel. I didn't see any need in further punishment, I knew he was ashamed and embarrassed just by his behavior immediately after it happened.

I walked into his bedroom and sat down in the rocking chair. I smiled at the thought of Laurel rocking him to sleep every night. He was growing so fast and nights of her getting to do that would come to a stop sooner than we could imagine. I sat him in my lap as he continued to sniffle and finally start to calm down. "I not wanna hurt Mommy," he said looking up at me.

"I know." I wiped tears from his face. "So you need to use your words when you're upset and not hit or kick. That really hurt her feelings and made her sad."

He leaned back in my arms and took one of my hands in his. "I not wike it here, Daddy." It was moments like these where I kicked myself and thought how if I'd just tried harder maybe none of this would have happened. If I'd just swallowed my pride and begged Laurel 3 years ago to give us a chance then maybe we wouldn't be in the shape we were in now.

"What do you not like about it?" I could think of a million things right away, but I was curious what he didn't like about it.

He was quiet for a few minutes. "No fwends, no Gwan or Gwanpa, no Daddy, no nothin!" It was amazing how simple his little world was. Friends, my parents, and me. None of the material stuff I worried about him missing when he left Philadelphia mattered to him. Unfortunately, I didn't know how to solve that problem. His life was here now, and there was nothing I could do about it. Maybe when he got a bit older he could split his time between us more, but while he was still so young, I felt he needed Laurel and stability.

"You have friends here," I told him. He'd made friends with a few other little boys in the neighborhood and had played with them a bit before his accident. "And you'll make more at school."

He shook his head. "I not want new fwends."

I kissed him as we continued rocking. I didn't have anything to say that would make it better. I felt like the decision had been made for me just as much as it'd been made for him. We had no plan when it came to his recovery or how long I'd stay, but I knew the day I had to leave him would come all too soon and I couldn't think about it. I couldn't think about leaving Laurel either. I felt like she had no one to watch out for her here, and while it wasn't my job, I would always worry about her. For the past 3 years I'd watched her relationship with Wes develop, and while it sucked, it was better than not having her in my life at all. I at least knew she was ok. Now, I wasn't sure of anything.

Bennett eventually fell asleep, so I stood and placed him in his bed, careful not to wake him. I hoped he'd stay asleep until morning and not realize my absence. I sat back down in the chair and watched him sleep for the longest time. Seeing the rise and fall of his chest made everything else in my life so insignificant. He was all that mattered. I'd refused to allow myself to think how things would have been if we'd lost him. I knew one day I would have to go there to process everything that happened. Beyond him, I didn't see anything. He was the reason I kept going despite how badly I'd fucked up. I didn't deserve him, and I had no idea why I got to be a part of his life, but he was everything.

When I exited his room, I expected to find Laurel asleep in her bedroom. I'd planned to slip out quietly and somehow force myself to leave their house knowing things would be ok until I returned. Laurel was perfectly capable of taking care of him, and I hoped they'd both stay asleep until morning. I entered the living room to find her sitting awake on the couch, tears streaming down her face. I stood next to where she sat and placed my hand on her shoulder, "He didn't mean it. He's just upset, and that is how it came out."

"I can't even blame him," she cried. "I'm sure he would like to kick me."

"No," I said. "He was upset that he hurt your feelings and could have hurt you. We talked about it." I didn't know what exactly had triggered it, but both Laurel and Bennett had reached their limit tonight. I'd managed to settle him down, so I decided to stick around and see if I could do the same with her. I should have walked out the door, but when it comes to her, I never can just walk away. "He's just havin' a hard time adjusting. That's all. Then everything that happened set him back even more. He'll get there, Laurel."

"How?! I haven't even been able to adjust to this place! How can I expect him to?" She stood from where she sat and walked away to put a little distance between us. "There! I finally said it! I hate it here. I hate everything about this place. I hate this house. I hate this neighborhood. I hate Bennett's preschool, and I don't want to leave him there. I hate every single place I've gone out here. I even hate the grocery store! I hate this place, Frank. I hate it so much." I could tell by her voice that she was barely keeping it together. "Mostly, I hate myself. I hate that I put this decision before him. What is wrong with me?! I put this all before him and for what?! For what, Frank?!" She was getting more and more worked up, and I was pretty sure we were headed for the breakdown that had built since the day she'd moved here. "You should just take him. I should..." At that, she finally started to break. "I....I should just do the right thing for him and give him to you."

I pulled her into my arms and held her as she started sobbing. I knew there was nothing I could say to make it better. She needed to get all of this out. "No," I told her. I didn't know if she was listening to me or not as she continued crying. I held her face in my hands as I forced her to look up at me. "I regret a lot of stuff I've done, and I regret hurting people. I will never regret meeting you." I smiled before I continued. "You were such a smartass, you know it? Such a smartass, but you changed my life, and you gave me him. I wouldn't want him with anyone else. You are the best Mom, and he's right where he needs to be." I got a tearful smile out of her and felt somewhat better. "I regret dragging you down with me, and I've never apologized to you for that....."

She pulled away from me, "Apologized to me? What are you talking about?"

"I should have left you alone," I told her. I knew back then just as well as I knew now that I couldn't have done it no matter how hard I tried. "I should have been the adult in the situation and put what I felt for you aside. Your life hasn't been easy, and I'm to blame for a lot of that. What you told me when you brought him out to me - you havin' to go to class, everyone knowin', seeing Bonnie....."

I could tell by the look on her face that she either didn't agree or she was confused. "I didn't do anything I didn't want to do. You know that."

"I know," I agreed. "It's just when you're younger you don't see a hookup changing the rest of your life and...."

"You weren't just a hookup for me," she said. "Is that what you think?"

I didn't really know what to say. There had been a time when I was certain she felt more, but later actions made me see that maybe she hadn't been as serious about what went on between us as I wanted to believe. "When you decided to have him, you didn't want to...I mean..."

"Fairy Tales don't happen, Frank," she said. "The law student doesn't get to live happily ever after with her married boss. Not after she caused his divorce. She doesn't get the perfect house, the perfect life, or get to have the perfect baby with him. Not while his poor wife, who has struggled with infertility for years, watches on. Doesn't happen. It shouldn't happen because what I did was horrible."

Again with this shit. "Could have for you, Laurel! You had me. Was yours to do anything you wanted with. You made that decision. And whatever, but don't blame it on the fact I was married and you felt bad for Bonnie. She's not the victim you think she is and our marriage would have ended regardless. Hell, we get along better now than we ever did married to one another. So don't keep usin' that. If you don't love somebody, you don't love them, I get it!"

"Don't tell me how I feel about you." I'd pissed her off. I'd set out to make her feel better and ended up making her mad in the process. Some things never changed. "Just....don't. You have no idea, so just don't."

I couldn't have even if I'd wanted to. She'd just admitted to me that she'd put us through the past 3 years as some form of fucked up retribution for what we'd done. I didn't know if I should be angry or thankful that she'd finally admitted it. 3 years had passed, she was with Wes now, but I couldn't help but feel like she'd made all the decisions for us. We never really stood a chance.

"Can you..." The moment she looked at me, I could tell she'd said all she was going to say. Didn't matter anyway, life happened, and we landed in different places. "Can you please stay? I understand if you'd rather not, but...."

I nodded. I'd do anything she asked me to, and she knew it. That had always been the problem. "Yeah....'course I will."


	12. Chapter 12

I’ve been in some awkward situations in my life.

Bonnie finding out I was having an affair was one of the most notable. Telling my colleagues, some who also knew Bonnie well, was another. Breaking the news to my family that I was going to be a Father, but not to a child my wife was going to have, also deserves a mention. Point is, awkward and I have been on decent terms my entire life.

Being here in California and spending every single day at Laurel and Wes’ house had somehow managed to slide right into 1st place.

Wes had been less than happy when he returned from Sacramento and discovered I’d stayed the night with Laurel and Bennett. I knew he and Laurel had words about it, but she’d never discussed it with me. The first night away from Bennett had been horrible. I’d stared at the ceiling in my hotel room for hours worried about something happening to him while I wasn’t there. He’d been upset when I left, but he’d finally understood that since Wes was home, I couldn’t stay. He’d kept Laurel awake most of the night, but at least he wasn’t crying and acting out because I wasn’t there.

The next morning when I arrived, I met Wes in the driveway as he was leaving for work. He didn't have much to say to me other than Laurel and Bennett had been up all night and were asleep, so I needed to be quiet. I thanked the asshole for telling me and went inside where I sat most of the day as they slept.

Each day since had gotten a little better. Bennett was getting back into a routine, they were getting more sleep, and I could see improvements in every part of him.

The part of the day I didn't enjoy was when Wes came in from work. Bennett had settled for me sleeping somewhere else, but he wasn't compromising on me leaving before bedtime. We couldn't exactly blame him. He'd been through enough and was doing so well, so Wes just had to get over the fact that I spent every evening at his house. I didn't like looking at him any more than he liked looking at me.

Since he'd returned from Sacramento, you could cut the tension between him and Laurel with a knife. I hadn't spent too many days on the bad side of Laurel Castillo, but I'd been there enough to know Wes was firmly planted there. She was the queen of passive aggressive, and since I wasn't on the receiving end, it was somewhat entertaining to watch. When he came in from work, if he was lucky, she might stop what she was doing to glance his way. At dinner, he was the only person she didn't serve before she sat down to eat her own food. I didn't know what happened between them, but I was pretty sure it was something bigger than the fact he spent one more night in Sacramento than originally planned. I was pretty sure it mostly involved me.

We were gathered around the table eating dinner. All 4 of us. It made for good times. Bennett insisted on sitting in my lap and putting his food on my plate. That meant Laurel chopped up my food and his into microscopic pieces since my food had to be _exactly_ like his. Whatever got him to eat. He picked up a piece of chicken and dropped it on the floor next to where we sat. Colby shot out from where he'd been waiting underneath the table.

"Bennett," Laurel said. "Please don't feed Colby anything else. He has food. We've talked about this, remember?" She was wasting her time. Bennett and Colby were partners in crime, so I had a feeling he’d sneak more food when she wasn’t paying attention.

"Yeah," Bennett said. He picked up a green bean and held it up to me. "Gween Bean, Daddy."

I took it from him, "Thank you." He watched as I ate it. We’d been struggling to get him to eat ever since his accident. Everything else seemed to have returned, so maybe his appetite would soon follow. We tried not to worry about every little thing, but it was hard. We’d blame his lack of interest in food on the accident when it was probably just his age. One more thing Laurel and I would have to overcome eventually. "Mmm, it's good. You try one."

"No way!" He giggled.

"I feel about corn the way he does green beans," Wes said. I'll mention we had corn on our plates. The guy really had no idea how women worked. I’d never claim to have all the answers myself, but I knew when to keep my mouth shut. Usually.

Laurel looked across the table at him. "If you don't like it, don't eat it."

Wes simply shook his head and went back to his food. He could tell by her tone that she was in no mood for him. He had her home every day keeping the house clean and food cooked - I guess he’d want to approve the daily menu next.

“Hey Mommy,” Bennett said. The kid had excellent timing. He always seemed to know, without knowing, when his interruption was needed.

“What, baby?” Laurel’s mood instantly changed the moment she heard our son’s voice. I was just trying to make it through dinner so we could get Bennett to bed and I could get the hell out of dodge. Whatever was going on between Laurel and Wes clearly needed to be sorted out and I had no interest in witnessing that.

“Um...tomorrow,” he started. “Can we pway at the park?” The better he felt, the more interested in his normal activities he became. I’d never spoil his plans, but I was pretty sure he was learning that he could get anything he wanted these days. He asked for all sorts of things now.

“You know we have to go to the doctor tomorrow to see about getting your cast off,” she explained. “Then I have to go get some groceries or we’re going to be eating Colby’s food.”

Bennett laughed at the idea of eating the dog’s food. “Daddy, you go wif me?”

Before this moment, I’d been able to keep the fact that I had a job interview at a firm in the city between myself and Laurel. We never made a conscious decision to keep Wes in the dark, but I wasn’t going to tell him and it didn’t seem like she was eager to either. “I can’t, bud. Soon as your doctor’s appointment is over I have a meeting. We can play outside here once I’m done, that sound ok?”

“Meeting?” Wes barely spoke to me, but I might have known he’d pick up on that. “What do you have going on here?”

“A job interview,” I said. There was no need to sugar coat it for the guy, if I got the job, he’d be seeing a lot more of me. The decision had been pretty simple. The closer it got to me leaving for Philadelphia, the more I dreaded it. So much that I could hardly think about it without feeling sick. Yes, my family, friends, and job were on the other side of the country, but Bennett and Laurel were here. Being near them was more important than anything else. 

I could tell by the look on his face that he was pissed. He knew the lack of shock in Laurel meant she had known and didn’t tell him. “A job interview? You’re partner back in Philadelphia at your firm. Doesn’t get any better than that.”

“Not everything is about my career and money,” I replied. He had a lot to learn. “I want to be where he is.” He thought moving Laurel and Bennett across the country would mean I would fade out of the picture. I knew his motivation all along. It took me a while, but I’d gotten my priorities in order, and my life and job back home weren’t on the top of the list. I didn’t trust that he could watch out for them like I could. 

The rest of dinner was quiet except for chatter and endless questions from Bennett. I could tell Wes was fuming. The only sound coming from him was his fork hitting his plate. “You know, Frank,” he finally said. “I’m curious about something.” I knew he couldn’t leave it alone. I decided to bite.

“What’s that?”

He sat his fork down and pushed his plate away. “Do you ever think about getting your own life?”

“Wes,” Laurel said. She was shooting daggers his way, but I could tell he wasn't going to stop there.

“No...no,” he continued. “It’s a valid question. It’s just gotta be hard always chasing something you’ll never have. Trying to interfere in someone else’s life.”

“That’s enough!” Laurel was daring him to continue. He had never been the smartest thing, so I didn’t have much faith that he’d take the hint. “That is enough, Wes.”

“He’s better now,” Wes said as he ignored Laurel. “You need to go home. We can take care of him just fine without you here constantly.”

Bennett immediately started crying. “I not want my Daddy to weave!” I felt little arms around my neck as he clung to me. The word _leave_ was all he needed to hear to believe in his 3-year-old mind that I was about to disappear into thin air. “You not go, Daddy.”

“Bennett, Daddy isn’t going anywhere.” Laurel was out of her seat and at Wes’ side in seconds. “Get up right now.” I had honestly never seen her as mad as she was at the moment. I saw her tug his shirt sleeve. “Right now. Get up. You're not doing this here.” He stood, a look of defiance on his face. “What is WRONG with you?” Laurel tugged his arm as she tried to get him out of the dining room and somewhere the two of them could hash it out.

“No, it’s ok,” I said. I stood with Bennett in my arms. “You asked a question, so you deserve an answer.”

He walked back in the dining room with Laurel on his heels. I knew she didn’t want this conversation between us to happen, but we were well beyond that point. “The answer is no, I don’t get tired of it. You can take them wherever you think you need to and I’ll still show up.”

“You've ruined her life enough,” he spat.

“Wes,” Laurel said. “Stop.”

“No,” I laughed. “You mean I got to her before you did and you can’t stand that.”

“I picked up the pieces once you were done." I could tell he really believed that.

"Enough! Both of you!" We stopped as Laurel got between us, and if looks could kill, we'd both be dead. 

Before I could say anything else, I remembered Bennett was hearing all of this. “Ben,” he lifted his little head off my shoulder. “You go with Mommy to get your bath, and I’ll be in before you go to sleep, ok?” He nodded as I kissed his cheek and handed him over to Laurel.

The look she gave me let me know she was no happier with me at the moment than she was with him. “If you two are going to kill one another, do it outside. I have to give him a bath and get him to bed, I don't have time for this.” She was tapping out. There would be no winner here, but at least we’d know how we really felt about one another. We’d forced ourselves to have an amicable relationship for the past 3 years. This experience had blown that to hell, so neither of us had anything to lose.

I followed Wes out on the patio, shaking my head in disbelief as he started in before I got the door closed. “He is the only reason she deals with you, I hope you know that.” I think we were all aware of that. Sometimes I wondered what might have happened if Bennett hadn’t come along. I wondered if anyone would have ever known what Laurel and I shared that summer. I wondered if Bonnie and I would still be unhappily married. Maybe Bennett had been our only common ground at one time, but we were more to one another now than two people co-parenting a child.

“Look,” I said. “I’m sorry you can’t accept that I’m always gonna be in their life. I’m never going to go away. As long as there is Bennett, there will be me, and the sooner you accept that…”

“How did this happen to her?!” He walked away from me, babbling like an idiot as I stood there watching him. “Of all people how did this happen to Laurel? She was the smart one in our group,” he explained. “She was the level-headed one. She wasn’t the one who had an affair with a married man and got herself pregnant. Did you do that a lot? Pressure interns into sleeping with you.”

“Go to hell,” I said to him. I was sick of it. No matter how civil I tried to be to this asshole, he never accepted it. He didn’t understand it because he didn’t want to understand it. He didn’t want to believe Laurel and I had shared something he hadn’t with her. He wanted to play house with her and my kid while pretending I didn’t exist. “You have no idea what went on between Laurel and me. I’m sure it’d be easier for you if she was one of many, but she wasn’t.”

“You cheated on your wife,” he replied. “I have no doubt you did the same to Laurel.” Believing that made it easier on him, I guess. I was guilty of a lot, but there had never been another woman for me since Laurel. That was the one truth in all of this.

“I really don’t give a shit what you think,” I said. His opinion of me was the least of my worries. “Laurel knows the truth. That’s all I care about.”

“Laurel knows what you’ve told her.” If thinking I’d wronged her in some way made him feel as if he had the upper hand, then I certainly wasn’t going to take it from him. “You don’t know what she went through after you had your fun with her, but I do. I was the one there for her when you couldn’t be bothered.”

He was unbelievable. “Couldn’t be bothered?! Maybe we need Laurel to clarify, but I made it to every doctor’s appointment she had. I was there when he was born. I’ve been there ever since, so I don’t know where the hell you get off sayin’ I couldn’t be bothered.”

“You know that’s not what I mean.” I didn’t know what the hell he meant. The dude was crazy. “Your ex-wife worked for one of our Professors! Laurel had to see her! You don’t know what that was like for her. You went on with your life, but she couldn’t. You weren't there for that.”

I could have responded, but it was none of his business and never had been. I would always feel horrible for what Laurel went through, but that was between the two of us. The conversation was pointless. It would be easier to admit we both hated one another and move on. He just couldn’t quit.

“You destroyed her.” He really believed what he was saying. “Ruined her. Robbed her of a normal life. She doesn't believe any relationship is going to work out now. She doesn't think she deserves it. That's because of you.” I was sick of listening to his bullshit. The only reason I hadn’t crossed the patio and kicked the shit out of him was that I respected Laurel and Bennett more than that. “I’ve asked her to marry me twice. She won’t. I’ve talked about having kids. She won’t. That’s not the Laurel I met before you. That Laurel had dreams, plans, and then you happened to her.”

I simply looked at him. “So it’s my fault she’s turned you down? Maybe take a look at yourself…”

“She deserves so much better than you,” he spat. “I’ve done my best to get her away from whatever hold you have on her, and it’s never enough. You always manage to find a way to suck her back in. They both deserve better than you.”

I laughed. “And you think that’s you?!” I couldn’t believe he was serious. “You took her across the country, Wes. You made sure she had no help, no job, and no family so she’d have to depend on you! How fucked up is that?! You gave her an ultimatum because you knew she'd never follow you by choice." I was just getting warmed up. I could go all night when it came to this jackass. "She worked her ass off, and you were fine with throwing all of that away for your own benefit! This isn’t about her! It's never been about her! It’s about your own agenda.” He had convinced Laurel to move because he was insecure. He was fine taking her career from her and taking a 3-year-old away from his family to make himself feel better.

“I did what I had to do to get her away from you,” he said.

“And Bennett?! You throw him under that car to get her away from him too?! So you’d have her all to yourself? Two for one deal? Get rid of Bennett and me at the same time?” I knew the second I crossed the line, but there was no going back. “Probably why he doesn’t want to be alone with you!”

He crossed the patio and made contact with me before I knew what was happening. I managed to block him and push him back against the house. “You’ll have to kill me to get me out of my son’s life, got it? Kill me.”

He shoved me back. “Get off my property. Tell Bennett goodbye and get the hell off my property. You can figure something else out because you’re not welcomed back here.” He acted as if his allowing me to enter the house to say goodnight to my son was a huge favor granted by him.

I entered the house and went straight to Bennett’s bedroom. I was furious. I was more than furious, but I did what I had to do to rein it in so it wouldn’t upset the only innocent in this disaster - Bennett.

I found him sitting in Laurel’s lap as she rocked him and read whatever book he’d picked out. He smiled the minute he saw me and reached his little arms out. I took him from her and hugged him to me. “I love you.”

“Wuv you too, Daddy,” he said.

“I’ll see you first thing in the morning, ok?” Leaving him never got any easier. He deserved so much better than what he had. He deserved to have parents that loved one another and figured their shit out. He didn’t deserve a Dad living in a hotel and a Mom with her asshole boyfriend who couldn’t figure anything out. He deserved the best of everything, and nothing about this arrangement came close to that. I was pissed off at myself, at Laurel, and at Wes.

Maybe it would be better if I went back to Philadelphia. It’d kill me, but maybe Bennett needed the peace space would give us. Now that the fire had been lit, there would be no putting it out. Wes and I would never get along. For now, Bennett was young enough that we could hide most of it from him. There would come a day, and probably sooner than any of us wanted to admit, where he would understand far more than we wanted him to. I didn’t want that for my son. If Wes is who Laurel wanted and I was holding her back in some way, then I’d take myself out of the equation. I’d always be there for Bennett, but I could extract myself from her life.

Laurel looked up at me as I placed Bennett back in her lap. She could tell something was wrong. “Frank,” she said. "What happened?"

I leaned down and kissed him on the head, breathing in the smell of his freshly washed hair. Every decision I made from this point forward had to be for him. The things I wanted for myself had already passed me by, but things could still turn out right for him.

“Frank,” she said again.

I turned and walked out of his bedroom without responding to her. I needed some distance, some time to think about everything that had transpired tonight. The last thing I wanted to do was stand between her and happiness. If this was happiness, then I could be the bigger person. I could put her before myself. It seemed as if I was the only one willing to do that.


	13. Chapter 13

I had no idea how we’d arrived at this point.

I had no idea how the past 3 years had managed to come unraveled in the course of 1 summer. Since Bennett had arrived, we’d done our best to make sure we had a good relationship for him. We may have been a mess, but we were determined his life wouldn’t suffer for it.

Yet, here we were.

I decided to cancel the interview. I wasn’t sure of much, but I was certain I wouldn’t be staying in San Diego after all. No matter how much I wanted to be near Bennett, I wanted his life to go back to the way it had been before all of this happened. If it couldn’t be in Philadelphia, then I at least wanted it to be free of the adults in his life arguing all the time. If I stayed anywhere near Wes that is all it’d ever be.

I’d never know what Laurel saw in him. He brought up how smart she was, how level-headed. I completely agreed. So, I often wondered just how she’d fallen for him. Just how she didn’t see how insecure and selfish he was. How he’d never put her before himself. If he had no problem moving a child away from his family, then he had no problem allowing her to give up her dreams for him. She’d spend the rest of her life making sacrifice after sacrifice to keep him happy. To prove to him that he is who she really wanted.

I was already watching it happen. Laurel had been so happy when she got the job she'd left behind in Philadelphia. Her last year in law school had been difficult after having Bennett, but she'd worked her ass off and made it. She didn't ask her Father for help or go running back home to him. She was determined to finish and she'd done it. There were many nights I kept Bennett so she could study. Many days I'd meet her in the parking lot of Middleton to take Bennett from her so she could get to study group or class. She had worked so hard and had given it all up for Wes. The worst part was he'd asked her to do it. 

It would take me a long while to get over feeling as if I’d walked out on Bennett. I’d almost lost him, swore I couldn’t leave, and then here I was making plans to do just that. I equated my staying here to 2 people being married that didn’t need to be. I had experience with that. Just cause you’re there doesn’t mean it’s the best thing. Bennett witnessing good relationships was more important to me than my own feelings.

I didn’t know if there was any truth to what Wes said. How I’d ruined her life, made her doubt that relationships would work, or any of the other shit he claimed as truth. Lying in bed, I played back that whole time period in my head. Laurel and I had always known what we had would eventually end. We were in completely different places in life. She was a breath of fresh air in a life that, at the time, was anything but. I have no idea what I was to her. Regardless, we knew it would end. We had known that from the beginning.

I recalled having a conversation about the future on the trip we’d taken the end of that summer. She had plans to finish law school and move - she didn’t know where at the time. I remember her saying maybe Florida, maybe New York where a couple of her friends were going, or maybe somewhere else. I knew her plans, and they didn’t include me. I never expected them to. My plans were to continue in a marriage I was miserable in.

We’d made a point to discuss real life on that trip so there would be no confusion. Neither of us wanted to get hurt, so we'd been completely honest with one another. For all our good intentions, life had other plans - she’d gotten pregnant with Bennett that weekend.

When she told me she was pregnant and then made the decision to have him, for a brief time I thought it was a given we’d be together. Bonnie and I were obviously over, we were having a child together, so what else would we have done? It had been her decision. She was the one who told me she’d rather not complicate the situation even more by starting a relationship. Not me. It’d been all her decision.

I could admit not fully understanding how difficult that time had been for her. I didn’t know how it felt to be the topic of discussion among a bunch of law students. I didn’t know how it felt seeing Bonnie from her position. How it felt sitting in Annalise Keating's class knowing her relationship to my ex-wife. I just didn’t know, and I hadn’t asked. Yes, I’d gone to every doctor’s appointment. I’d been involved financially when it came to everything we’d need for him. I’d been in the delivery room when he was born. I hadn’t asked how she was really doing during that time. I thought not talking about it was better. I was trying to follow her lead.

It’s a shitty thing to admit seeing as how I was 6 years into my marriage when Laurel walked into my life, but I was certain I’d loved her from the moment I met her. She was a force of nature. She made me feel alive for the first time in a long time. I may have fucked up along the way, but I’d always loved her. I still loved her. I’d do anything for her, even if it meant bowing out gracefully and leaving her to build a life with Wes.

Deep down, I’d always known she wasn’t happy here. She’d admitted that to me now, but I’d always known it. I had my doubts she would ever be. Still, if staying here was worth having Wes then I wasn’t going to stand in her way. I would follow the advice I’d given Jorge weeks ago and stay out of her life. She was a grown woman and didn’t need help from me making decisions. 

Despite my pep talk, I continued to stare at the ceiling and think about just how different our lives would be if I’d swallowed my pride years ago. I hadn’t been too proud to beg, so I’m not sure why I didn’t. She may have turned me down, but I'd never know. My main regret was that I owed it to Bennett. I should have thought of him, but I just didn't know what being a Father would mean. I had no idea at that point exactly how much I'd love him.  We could have been happy together. We could have raised Bennett, maybe given him some siblings, and we wouldn’t be in the situation we were in now. Bennett wouldn’t have been out here to get hurt if I’d done what I should have done back then.

It would hurt, more than I was ready to admit, but I had to do this. For him. It was time to move on, admit Laurel would always be the one who got away and try to find happiness for myself. I felt as if, subconsciously, I’d held on to Laurel for so long because I thought maybe one day there would be a chance. No matter how small, I’d let it dictate over 3 years of my life. I couldn’t do that anymore. I had to move forward and set a good example for our son.

The sound of knocking woke me. I had no idea how I’d managed to fall asleep with all the shit swirling around in my head, but I had. I continued lying there a few minutes, convinced I was hearing things when I heard it again. Reaching over, I grabbed my phone off the nightstand and saw messages from Laurel. I got out of bed and made my way through the dark hotel suite, trying not to fall over stuff as I went.

I unlocked and opened the door to find Laurel standing there holding a sleeping Bennett. “Laurel…what…”

“Can I come in?” I stepped out of the way as she came inside. She was in her pajamas, so this must have been a spur of the moment decision to leave the house and drive to where I was staying in the middle of the night. 

I didn’t start asking questions. I simply reached out to take Bennett from her. “I’ll put him in the bedroom.”

“Got him?” She cradled his little head in her hand as I took him from her. I nodded as I watched her lean up to kiss him as he continued to sleep. It broke my heart to think about leaving him. It broke my heart, even more, to think about him knowing the adults in his life couldn’t get along. My biggest fear was him one day thinking it was his fault. I’d never forgive myself if that happened.

I quietly carried him into the bedroom and pulled the blankets back on the bed so I could lay him there. I let out a sigh of relief when I saw that he stayed asleep. If he woke up, we’d never get him back to sleep. I stood there watching him. He was perfect. Every part of him amazed me. I could do this for him. 

“He looks just like you when you sleep.” I turned to see Laurel leaned against the door frame. She walked into the bedroom and stood next to me as we watched him. “Just like you. That arm resting on the pillow above his head. He’s you made over.”

“How you know?” I grinned.

She smiled up at me. “I’ve seen you sleep a few times before.”

It would have been easy to stay in the moment and forget the nightmare we were in, but we couldn’t. Like it or not, we had to have a conversation about what was going to happen. I had to tell her my plans had changed and that while she wouldn't see it now, eventually, she'd see that it was the right thing to do. As we made our way back into the living area, I couldn’t help but notice she had grown quiet. She didn’t want to have this conversation any more than I did.

She sat down on the sofa without saying a word. I had no idea what Wes had told her, but I knew he’d put the whole thing on me. He’d do his best to convince her I had attacked him and was in the wrong. I knew how he operated. Whether or not she would believe him was up to her. “So…” I sat down in a chair across from her.

“I had to get away for a while,” she answered. I gave her some time to get her thoughts together as I sat there with her. I didn’t want to rush what very well could be our last big conversation. The conversation that finally sorted this mess out and made decisions that should have been made a long time ago. Finally, she looked up, “Wes and I had a huge fight.” I could have guessed that.

I nodded, not really knowing what else to do. Here we were again, just like so many other times. She’d have a problem and come to me. No matter what was going on, I’d do whatever I could to fix it or at least make her feel better if I couldn’t. Every time she had anything go wrong with Wes, she came to me as if I’d signed up to be her therapist and wanted to hear about it. Her leaning on me only made my situation worse. Comforting her and allowing her in only made things that much harder on me. I couldn’t do it anymore. “Laurel, I can’t be that person for you anymore.”

She looked at me, confusion apparent, “What are you talking about?”

“I can’t be the one you come running to when you have a fight with Wes.” Tonight had shown me one thing - I had nothing to lose. I was pretty sure things were as bad as they could get. I’d always have Bennett; that would never change. I’d be the best Dad I could be to him and make sure he never suffered from our inability to get our shit together. Trying to be there for Laurel when there was nothing in return was draining me more than I even realized. I had to take back control and move forward. “I can’t do that for you anymore, Laurel. You get in a fight with him and come to me wanting to talk about it. I can’t anymore.”

Instantly, I could tell she was hurt. I didn’t know what exactly went on between her and Wes, but she’d held it together until this moment. I’d given in to her so many times; every time, really. I’d gone along with whatever made her happy. “I…” she paused, trying to get herself together. She didn’t want to cry. She was trying so hard not to cry, and it was killing me, but I had to do this. “We’re friends, Frank. I didn’t realize I couldn’t talk to you about things going on with me.”

 _Friends_. We were never friends. We’d never be friends. If she believed that then the problem was bigger than I originally thought. “I just think from this point on, we should only discuss Bennett.”

“What?!” She stood from where she was sitting, clearly upset, and becoming even more so by the second. “What happened, Frank? I know what Wes told me, but I want to hear it from you. He has a knack for embellishing things when it comes to you, so I want you to tell me what happened.”

It was now or never. Handling her with kid gloves had gotten us to this point and it sure as hell wasn’t anywhere I wanted to be. “I told him the truth. Told him exactly what I thought.”

“And did that include you accusing him of trying to kill Bennett?” Her tone was defensive, and if there was ever a time to lie to her it was probably now, but I couldn’t. “Because that’s what he told me and I just can’t…”

“Yeah,” I replied. “I did. I sure as hell did, Laurel.”

She couldn’t hide the shock on her face if she tried. The situation we were in was horrible, and she needed to see that. She needed to realize just how bad things had deteriorated between us and how much we needed to change for Bennett. “I know he’s done a lot of things to make you angry, but that was completely uncalled for, Frank! Completely. How could you say that to him?!”

Did I really believe Wes tried to kill our son? No. Did I say what I did to get a rise out of him? Absolutely. She was pissed. I kept quiet as she walked around the living area, clearly angry, but not wanting to get into a screaming match. “Do you really think that? Seriously. Do you honestly believe that, because…”

“No, I don’t believe it!” If she was going to come to his defense, she could go. I wasn’t doing this with her anymore. “'Course I don’t believe that, Laurel. Said it to piss him off. Shut him up. I’m tired of hearin’ how much I ruined your life, how I destroyed you, how he was your damn knight in shining armor who came to pick you up…”

“What?!” I could tell she was hearing all of this for the first time. “Destroyed my life? Is that what he said?”

I didn’t need to finish it for her. I could have gone into detail, told her how he’d blamed me for everything including her not wanting to get married or have any more children. I could have laid it all out for her, but I didn’t. “Tonight was it, Laurel. Can’t do this anymore. That little boy in there doesn’t deserve to see us fighting, hear us fighting, and we’re never gonna get along. It’s never gonna happen.”

“You didn’t ruin my life.” She was begging me to believe her. “You didn’t ruin my life, Frank.” She wiped tears from her eyes before continuing. “You gave me him, and he’s the best thing that ever happened to me. Wes has no idea what he’s talking about. He was just mad and saying things like you were. Nobody has ruined anyone’s life.”

I disagreed completely. “No,” I said. “We weren’t just saying things, Laurel. Maybe some things, but Wes and I were as honest as we’ve ever been with one another. Finally.” She didn’t want to admit we had reached this point. She wanted things to go back to how they’d been and that couldn’t happen.

“So,” she paused. She didn’t want to finish this any more than I did, but we owed one another that much. This is where our current arrangement had brought us. We were a disaster and the one to suffer the most for it would be our son. “What are you saying?”

“I’m not stayin’ out here,” I said. “I can’t. I don’t know how I’m gonna leave him, but I know that it’s the right thing to do. He didn’t ask for any of this, Laurel. He’s so happy, and smart, and he’s gonna start realizin' things. He already knows something is up! He knows Wes doesn’t want me here. He knows you and Wes have arguments. I’m the problem, so I’m going.”

“You’re not a problem!” That revelation finally did it. I looked up at her from where I was seated and saw tears streaming down her face. She’d tried so hard not to do this, and I’d been the one to break her. I couldn’t let it get to me. As bad as it killed me to see it, I couldn’t let it stop me from doing what I knew had to be done. “You’re not a problem, Frank.”

I wasn’t a problem for her, but I was a problem for the man she’d decided to share her life with. Eventually, I’d become a problem for her too. She didn’t see it now, but going the way we were, it would happen. “Wes moved out here to get you away from me,” I explained. “Told me that. Told me a lot of things, actually. There’s never gonna be peace us two being anywhere near one another. And it’s a problem, or you wouldn’t be standing in my hotel room at 2:45 in the mornin'.”

She continued crying, but I didn’t get up to comfort her. I couldn’t. “I know it’s selfish, but we can’t be that far from you. We tried and it didn't work.” I thought it a fine time to blurt that out. 3 years into this hell and months after she packed up and moved across America. “Bennett needs you…I need you…”

“What about what I need?!” I asked her. I stood and walked closer to her so I wouldn't wake Bennett. She wouldn’t have an answer, but she was going to hear me out. “Huh?! What about what I need, Laurel? You think I like watchin’ you live your life with him? Think that’s fun for me? That I’m just supposed to sit on the sidelines? Be here when I’m needed, but go away when I’m not…”

“That’s not…” She had no idea what to say. Something told me she’d never thought about it that way. She’d never thought how seeing them together made me feel. How watching her live a life I wanted with her with someone else made me feel. It was torture.

I paused, getting myself together so I could just finish this already. “Yeah, it is. And I can’t do it anymore. You know I’m in love with you. Always have been. I just…” I was trying not to lose control myself. “It’s time to let all that go. Let you go.”

The only sound heard was her crying. She sat down on the sofa, buried her face in her hands, and cried. I couldn’t go to her. I couldn’t be that person anymore. Part of me knew this was all over, but at least I’d told her. I could only pray the hold she had on me would eventually lift.

When she finally looked up at me, I couldn’t tell what she was thinking. I’d always been able to read her like a book, but in this moment, I had no idea what was about to happen. “Why are you just telling me this?”

I looked at her, honestly confused, “You’ve known, Laurel. You’ve always known. You picked him, and that’s ok. You can’t have us both.”

She stood and walked toward me, open and vulnerable as I’d ever seen her. As she stood in front of me, I realized just how tiny she was. Just how fragile this situation had made her. She’d find that strength again and her way without me. This was hurting her too. It was hurting all of us. “Please,” she said. “Please don’t do this.”

My resolve finally gave way, and I pulled her to me, wrapping my arms around her as she held on to me and cried. “I have to,” I said quietly. I was trying like hell not to break down myself. I kissed her on the head as I continued holding her. “I have to. You’re gonna be alright. You don’t need me.”

“Yes, I do,” she cried. She pulled back and looked up at me. It would take me a long time to get over what I had done to her tonight, but I’d eventually get there. “I love you too. I do. So much. If I have to choose between you, I choose you. Just please don’t do this.”

“Shh,” I interrupted. I held her face in my hands, trying my hardest not to get lost in those eyes that had me from day one. I had a feeling she'd say anything in this moment to get me to stay - to not lose the one supportive relationship she had out here. “Nobody’s askin’ you to choose,” I told her. I meant it. I’d never make her choose. I’d never give her an ultimatum like he did. “If you want to be with Wes, that’s ok. I just want you to be happy. That’s all I’ve ever wanted for you. Ok? Nobody’s makin’ you choose.”

“He did,” she cried. “He said it was him or you.”

That didn’t surprise me. At least one person would be happy to know I was going back to Philadelphia. “He’s just mad,” I lied. “But you’re not gonna have to worry about it cause I’m gonna go. Your life is here with him and I'm gonna go.”

She shook her head before pulling me back to her, “Please don’t. We can figure this out…”

“No, we can’t.” We couldn’t. Like it or not, there was only one choice here. I’d never force her to make it, but he had. “We can’t, Laurel. You know I’d take you and Ben back with me if I could. We could do things the right way and raise him together. I’d do it in a second. Hell, I’d marry you tomorrow, but I can’t. We can’t. Your life is here now and someday, no time soon but someday, I’ll get over it. Figure out how to move on.”

I continued holding her as she cried. I’d done this to her, and I hated myself for it, but it was the only way. She’d wake up one day down the road and see that I’d been right to do this. She’d see that taking the reins was the best thing to do for Bennett. “I don’t want you to move on.”

I was silent for a few minutes. Unsure of exactly what she meant. I believed in my heart that she wanted happiness for me too. She wasn’t selfish enough to want me to stay hung up on her for the rest of my life. I believed that she would see my side of things once the shock wore off. Right now it was like an open wound - painful, aggravated, angry. It’d heal. We would heal.

“Take us with you,” she said. “If you meant all of that, then take us with you.”

“Laurel…” She didn’t mean it. She was with him for a reason. She moved out here for a reason, and that reason wasn’t that she wanted to be with me. She was upset and afraid of not having me around when she needed me. I wanted her more than anything, but not like this. Not out of fear. I pulled away from her. "Stop..."

"No." She pulled me back to her. She was so small but had no trouble making me listen to her. I could have pushed her away, but I didn't dare move. "If you meant what you said, then take us with you." 


	14. Chapter 14

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> After dealing with some major writer's block, I was finally able to piece the ending together the way I wanted it to go. Thank you all once again for reading along & offering feedback.

**1 Year Later**

 

If you’re looking for a great and exciting way to add chaos to your life - sign your kid up to play soccer.

Every week, no matter how much planning went into things, on Thursday nights I was rushing around like crazy trying to get out of the office so I could get Bennett to soccer practice. Every week. No matter what I did, it never seemed to work out the way I wanted.

I was standing at the opened back door of my SUV doing my best to get Bennett’s shin guards and cleats on as he hung out in his car seat. I didn’t know the first damn thing about soccer. I was learning, but I had always been more of a football and baseball kind of guy. It was probably safe to say my 4 year old knew more about it than I did.

Bennett had come so far after his accident. Physically, he was great. Mentally, he was getting there. He still wouldn’t ride a bicycle, and he hated going to the doctor’s office even for routine checkups. Other than that - he was doing as well as we could expect given all he went through. He had bounced back quicker than any of the adults in his life had from it.

He was growing too fast. He’d just turned 4 back in the early summer and learned something new every day. He was like a sponge. He was fluent in Spanish and loved to talk to me that way knowing I didn’t understand him when he did. He thought it was funny. My Grandmother had also started teaching him some Italian, and he was mastering that too. He was smarter than his old man, I’d never deny it.

I unbuckled him from his car seat and stood him on the ground next to me. “Hold up, we gotta change your shirt.” I quickly took the one he had on off and replaced it with another. At one time I probably swore I’d never be one of those parents dressing their child in public, but when it comes to parenting, you eat your words daily.

I took hold of his hand and started toward the field. “I wish Pops was here,” he said. Jorge had flown in to see a game a couple weeks back and every game or practice since, Bennett talks about wanting him to come back. I guess I could finally admit he wasn’t all bad, but it didn’t mean I wanted to hang out with the guy for any length of time.

“I bet he might make it to one more game,” I replied. I already knew he was coming back but decided to let that be a surprise for him. It saved a couple hundred questions. Jorge understood the game and enjoyed it, so he was naturally the best one to have around. I was still hoping Bennett would take an interest in football or baseball. The Delfinos weren’t known for their soccer skills. The credit for that went to the Castillo side.

I stood on the sidelines with the other parents and watched as he ran out to join his team. I smiled when I saw two of his friends hug him the moment he joined the circle. They’re cute, but together it’s more than any adult can really withstand. I know. They’ve been over before. A little over a year ago, I was unsure if he’d live, much less be back on the soccer field with his friends. He was a fighter. Tough as nails. Stronger than I could ever hope to be.

Few things are better than watching a group of 4-year-olds try to play soccer. They know what to do, but their motor skills haven’t quite caught up. I watched as the coach lined them up so they could dribble toward the goal. Before their destination is reached, they’ll be running into one another, their soccer balls in all different directions, and most likely none of them will actually make it to the goal. Still, we parents watched and cheered them on as if this was the final game of the World Cup.

“My God, I thought I never was going to get out of the office.” She’d made it. There was very little chance of Laurel being finished at work early enough to pick him up from my parents’ house and get him to the soccer field before I could. I saw she managed to remember his backpack and water bottle - something I always seemed to forget. “People kept coming in, always right before I’m supposed to go, drives me crazy…”

I pulled her to me, leaning down to give her a kiss. Nothing major as she said we weren’t going to be the gross parents groping one another on the sidelines. I was simply saying hello to my wife. No harm in that. “Hey, you…”

“Hey,” she smiled. “How was your day?”

I shrugged, “Better now.” It was true. No matter how shitty my day may have been, the moment I saw the two of them, everything was great again. It’d been such a long road, and I’d be damned if I ever took them for granted.

“Of course it is,” she replied. “You’ll have to get the bags and cooler out of my car. It’s our night for snacks. I had to do that too on top of everything else.” It was a good thing I had her because I didn’t even know we had a turn in the snack rotation. I guess it made sense, but I’d never given it a second thought. Somehow, Bennett just always seemed to have a snack after practice or a game.

"Laurel!" I looked up to see one of her Mom friends, as I called them, making her way over. People she would have never met or necessarily gotten to know if we didn't have children in the same age group. This particular one, Ashley, had a son that was not only on the same soccer team as Bennett but also in the same Preschool class. "Tell me you're on the chaperone list for the pumpkin patch next week."

"I'm still in denial about it," she replied. That had been the topic of discussion around our house the past couple weeks. The one field trip the working Moms were basically guilted into chaperoning during the school year. There were some that still couldn't or wouldn't take off work to give the usual chaperone crowd a break, but Laurel had done it and I'd gotten to hear about it. "Imagine telling a client, oh sorry, I can't meet with you then. I'll be out picking pumpkins with 20 preschoolers. Anyway, yes, I'm going!"

"And thrilled about it if you couldn't tell," I added. She shot me a look, and I knew to stay quiet and offer my unwavering support.

Ashley laughed. "It just makes me feel better to know I'm not the only one who feels that way. I was totally backing out if you weren't going."

"No worries," Laurel smiled. "I'll be there. I say next time we lobby for the Dads to be roped into this."

"Absolutely," her co-conspirator laughed. "My husband would LOVE that!"

"So would this one," Laurel told her. They continued chatting about their misfortune for a few more minutes before Ashley returned to where she'd been standing, and Laurel went right back to the conversation we'd been having that I'd totally lost track of.

“Then Dad called,” she rambled on. “Wanting to ask you a question, get your advice. I told him you were slammed at work and I didn’t know when you could get back to him. Then I started talking about Bennett, so he never said anything else about it. So, if he calls you…” 

I laughed. “Laurel, if your Dad needs somethin’…”  I knew he was most likely wanting advice on how he should handle some of his business that the government would frown upon. There were lines I wouldn’t cross, but I could answer hypotheticals.

“I really don’t want to spend my holidays carting Ben from one Federal prison to another so he can see his family.” I couldn’t hide the surprise on my face if I’d tried. All this time we’d known one another, the fact that her Dad spent most of his time laundering money never came up. I just assumed she didn’t know. My Father-in-law wasn’t one to give too many shits about what people thought of him. However, if he ever had one to give, it went to Laurel and Bennett. Granted, they'd have to share it because I didn't think he could muster up another to give. I could tell he cared what she thought even if he’d never admit it. “What? You thought I didn’t know?”

“I…” She had me there. “Well…” I was rarely speechless.

She smiled up at me. “You’re cute,” she said. “But yes, I know, and I’d rather my husband not get in the middle of all that. He likes you because you’ve never mentioned it to me even though he blew his cover with you years ago.” I would never forget that birthday party. Not every day your son’s Grandfather basically asks you how to keep the Feds off his ass so he could carry out his crimes in peace.

I laughed, leaning down to kiss her, “Here I thought it was ‘cause I wasn’t Wes.”

“Stop it,” she smiled. “But I mean it, do not get involved in any of his crap. If I ever found out you helped him, prison would be like a vacation to you, trust me.” I had no doubt about that at all. None whatsoever. “Same goes for my brother.” She cut the conversation off abruptly when we saw Bennett running in our direction. They’d taken their first of what was always multiple breaks. Someone always had to get a drink, go to the bathroom, sit down. To be 4 again.

“Mom!”

“Hey, baby!” Laurel smiled. As soon as he reached her, he wrapped his arms around her legs, hugging her. “Why are you calling me Mom like you're 15 or something?” She looked down at him and smiled, running her hand through his hair. The second she gave him a once-over, she wasn’t satisfied with something I’d done in the dressing process. She knelt and adjusted his shin guards and shorts. Judging by his reaction, he was as used to having it done to him as I was watching it.

He giggled. “I dunno, cause you’re my Mom!” It had been a hard pill for her to swallow, but he was growing up. He called her Mom, no longer wanted to be rocked to sleep at night, and very rarely asked her to play with him like he did when he was younger. He was all boy and had decided I was the much cooler option. I reminded her the first 3 years of his life he was a huge Mama’s Boy, and he probably would be again if he’s anything like I am.

“Mom!” When she started wiping his face with her hand, he decided that was enough. He turned his little head away from her.

“Bennett, you have cookie or something on your face.” He continued to protest as she went about doing exactly as she wanted and cleaned his cheek free of the chocolate my Dad had given him. I hadn’t even noticed it. She was lucky I’d gotten him here on time and somewhat dressed correctly. “You and Daddy do the best you can when I’m not around, huh?” She looked up at me and grinned, knowing I was listening.

“Yeah,” he agreed as if he understood her point completely. He was 4 and already knew it was easier to just agree with her. He looked up when she stood, standing on his tiptoes to see if he could somehow magically become taller than her. “You’re tall!”

Laurel looked down at herself before glancing my way. “Cause we have to come from work. I’m still in my work shoes.” We never had time to change. I showed up in my dress shirt and pants. Laurel typically showed up in her pantsuit and heels. We’d most likely never be the parents sporting the team t-shirts others seemed to have. Which was actually fine by me. “I think everyone is going back out there,” she told him. He got his water bottle from her, took a drink, and was off again.

“He’s so big,” she whined. “Where did my little baby go?”

I smiled. “He’s big stuff now, callin’ you Mom and everything.”

She playfully shoved me, laughing in response.“You don’t get to make comments. He still calls you Daddy.” It was true. I didn’t.

I glanced over and couldn't stop the next thing that fell out of my mouth. "You decide to give up today?" 

"What?" She asked. 

I eyed her stomach. "Pretty obvious we're Delfino, Party of 4 now." The latest development in our world was that Laurel was 16 weeks pregnant with a baby boy. A year ago Wes had adamantly told me she didn’t want to get married or have any more children. All because of me, apparently. Marriage was a topic I had to bring up once we made the decision we were really doing this. She could have turned me down, but I was going to ask. I wanted her to know I was completely serious about us. I had never been ashamed of what we had together. Lucky for me, she said yes without hesitation. Everything happened pretty quickly after that. We didn’t need to take the time to date or take it slow. Neither of us wanted a big wedding. I'd done the huge wedding the first time around and that just wasn't Laurel. We decided on a small ceremony on the beach in Mexico. Plus, witnessing my family trekking to Mexico for the wedding made the whole thing worth it. I'm not sure how the locals appreciated their Philly charm, but we managed.

The other topic was one I could live without broaching. Her pregnancy with Bennett hadn’t been a good time in her life, and for all I knew she didn’t want any reminders. Turns out, I never had to. As soon as we’d gotten married, she'd tossed her birth control pills while we were on our honeymoon, informed me she wanted another baby and reminded me we weren’t getting any younger. It had taken a couple of months, which had me convinced something was wrong given my first experience with purposely trying to have a baby. I was ready to call up the specialists, certain it hadn’t worked again when she threw the positive test at me from the doorway of our bathroom and told me I was a buzz kill.

"I actually did," she popped back. "There is nothing I can even do. Your big ass babies don't stay hidden for very long." 

I laughed. "My big ass babies?" 

"I know you don't think I was over 8 pounds at birth," she replied. "That's all you. Your Mom told me how big you and your brother were. It's actually a testament to me as a woman that I can even birth them." That, I had to give her. I would never forget seeing Bennett for the first time and wondering how all 8 1/2 pounds of him had just come out of her. "I do feed them well," she continued. "But everything else? All you." 

I smiled. "You're right. All me." 

"I'll just wear my coat inside," she explained. "It's cool enough that it's believable I'd need one until they figure it out." We had gone back and forth on how to tell them, and we'd decided to just get Bennett a t-shirt that said "Big Brother" on it and let him wear it in. Not the most creative, but it's my family. They aren't a crowd for guessing games. 

Not only did our families not know another Delfino was on the way, Bennett had no idea he was going to have a little brother. We were actually planning to tell them at family dinner once Bennett's practice was over. We decided to tell Bennett in the car right before we went inside. If we told him a second before that, he'd tell my Mom, and once she found out the whole city would know within the hour. We also wanted to spare ourselves 3 million questions we knew he’d have for us the second he found out. So far, everything was great. Laurel was healthy, the baby was healthy, and I’d be trying to keep a handle on my anxiety for the next 24 weeks or so.

The past year had been a whirlwind. Laurel and I decided to give our relationship a chance in the middle of the night in a hotel room in San Diego. For hours we went back and forth, many tears were shed, but in the end, she had been the one to convince me to give us a chance. By early morning, she informed me she was leaving Wes and California regardless of what my answer was. I was just happy she’d finally decided to put herself first. She was giving me the opportunity to take her and Bennett back with me where they belonged, but she was also letting me know she could stand on her own two feet and would.

As soon as I heard her admit she didn’t need anyone, I knew she wasn’t just asking to go because she thought she couldn’t do it alone. I had to believe her and make the choice to give the past up and forget decisions we made back then. We were both looking for something and didn't realize we'd found it in one another until it was too late. I had to realize this was our second chance before I made the wrong choice again. I knew there wouldn't be another one. This was it. Laurel was the strongest woman I knew and somewhere along the way that fire had gone out. It’d been extinguished to the point she allowed herself to be moved thousands of miles away from everything she’d worked so hard for. That fierce determination is what I loved about her. It’s what made me love her. I’d live the rest of my life alone before I’d let her believe she needed me or anyone else.

Her breakup with Wes had been nasty. As expected, he hadn’t taken the news well that Laurel and Bennett would be returning to Philadelphia. She respected him enough to stand there while he told her how I was using her, how I was toxic, how I would ruin her and Bennett, and a whole load of bullshit I’m sure she never even told me about. After all his ranting and raving, she simply told him he could think whatever he needed to think about me, but I would never manipulate her the way he had.

I was pretty certain he still didn’t see how wrong he’d been for asking her to sacrifice something she’d worked twice as hard for. If quitting my job tomorrow was the only way Laurel could live out her dreams - I'd do it in an instant. I would never forgive him. If I never saw him again it’d be a day too soon.

Not only had there been his ranting and raving, there had been monetary issues with the house and a few other things they consolidated when they moved in together. He didn't really want any of it; he just wanted to make it as hard for Laurel as possible. I’d put a few of my colleagues on it, and he’d backed down.

The worst, by far, was the fact he tried to keep Colby. I never thought I would honestly be ready and willing to go to court to fight for a dog, but I was assembling an army. Bennett’s sad face, when we told him we didn't know if Colby would be coming to live with us, was all we needed for motivation. Neither Laurel or I were necessarily dog people, but he'd been a huge comfort to Bennett during his recovery. They were truly best buds. 

It had gotten ugly, and included Jorge saying we’d get the dog one way or another, whatever the hell that meant. In the end, it had been Bennett's tears one night that pushed Laurel into mama bear mode. I'm still not sure what all she said to Wes during that phone conversation, but next thing I knew my brother and I were on our way to California to get the dog. Colby was now, once again, a Philadelphian. I was also the one waking up 45 minutes early every morning so I could take him for a walk while my lovely wife and son slept.

“Oh!” Laurel said. “Forgot to tell you. Parker and Daniel are coming over on Saturday.”

I gave her a look. She always said yes when Bennett asked if his friends could come over to play. She said yes because she wasn’t the one who would be chasing them around the yard. One 4 year old was bad enough, 3 of them almost did me in. I wasn’t young as I once was. “Really, Laurel?”

She laughed. “Yes, really. I’ve already talked to their Moms, so we can’t back out now. Bennett has been to both their houses since they’ve been to ours. You’ll be fine. You always have fun with them.” As if she would know. She stayed in the house while I played outside.

I decided to follow her great news up with an awkward request of my own. Standing in public on the sidelines of a soccer field a good a time as any. Plus, there were witnesses. “So,” I started. “Got somethin’ to ask you.”

“Yeah?” She looked over at me, taking my hand in hers. “What’s that?”

“Got an email from Bonnie today,” I said. I had been as shocked as I knew Laurel now was. “She and her fiancé are trying to get everything going on their adoption. She was wondering if I would mind writing a character reference letter for the adoption agency. They gotta have however many, and it's unlikely an ex-husband is gonna lie in her favor, ya know?” It had taken a long while, but I could honestly say that Bonnie and I genuinely wished one another well. Seeing one another at the courthouse wasn’t awkward anymore, and she always asked about Bennett. I’d never excuse my role in what happened between us, but we could both admit now that we’d hung on for far too long.  

“Yeah,” she said without hesitation. “Of course! I'm sure they don’t see that every day. Letters from ex-husbands.”

I laughed, “Maybe it’ll catch their eye. Stand out.”

“Coming from you? I have no doubt,” she laughed. “I really hope everything works out for them. He’s actually a really nice guy. He was opposing counsel on a case of mine, and needless to say knew exactly who Laurel Delfino was the second he read it. I never had any problem with him, though.” Had it not been for Bennett, I doubt she would have ever taken my last name, independent as she could be. Depending on how other attorneys felt about me, that could go either way for her in court, but she held her own.

“Never knew that,” I said. If I had, I would have probably done something stupid and threatened the guy outside his office. He could go up against her in a case, but he needed to do it as politely as possible. I was never confused on the reason Laurel didn’t tell me everything about her job. “Don’t know much about him, but he seems to be a good guy. I just really want that for her. A kid, I mean. She’s been through a lot with all that, and I want her to experience it. First time I saw him, God, nothin’ like it.”

Laurel looked up at me and smiled. “Who knew you talking about your ex-wife would make me love you even more.”

“Delfino charm.” I wrapped my arm around her as she leaned against me. “You wanna leave your car here and take mine? We can just swing back by and get it after. Ma said Grandma was making ziti tonight. That make you any more excited to be going over there?" 

The look she gave me was all the answer I needed. “The ziti? Yes. Being under the same roof as your Mom, who only tolerates me because of you and Bennett, not so much."

I sighed. “Laurel....” It was no secret my Mom had been upset with Laurel when she moved to California. Really upset. She was the most skeptical when I told them she was moving back and we were together. Mom had said what she needed to say to Laurel and moved on. She didn’t hold grudges. Laurel wasn’t convinced. “You know she does more than tolerate you." 

“She hates me.”

I shook my head. Not only was she stubborn, she was insanely emotional now. “Babe, she doesn’t hate you.” I actually didn’t know my Mom to hate anyone. Catholic guilt and all that.

“Yes, she does,” she insisted. “I never thought I’d be the one with the Mother-in-law who didn’t like me. I can’t blame her, but it’s obvious, Frank!” I knew no amount of convincing would make her believe my Mom didn’t hate her. “She gets along great with your brother’s wife! She loves Bonnie, which she always conveniently brings up when I’m around.” The fact my Mom still checked in on Bonnie was not something I necessarily agreed with, but she was the first true Mother figure Bonnie ever had. Mom was a caretaker, so naturally, she took Bonnie under her wing. Laurel didn’t need that from her. I knew she loved Laurel, but it was a different relationship.

“And I’m sorry for that,” I replied. “It isn’t fair to you, and she knows how I feel about it. She doesn’t see it that way, though. Promise. She loves you, Laurel. But if you’d rather not go, we won’t go. We can tell them some other way.” Mom’s cooking was good, but not that good. I also wanted to tell them about the baby, but not that bad. I didn’t like living in the dog house, nor did I like trying to unsuccessfully convince Laurel that my Mom didn’t hate her. She was sensitive now, and I didn’t want to fight.

“No,” she replied. “This is your family, Frank. Well, our family. I'm the one who hurt her, so it's not her fault. If someone had done what I did to either of our boys, I'd kill them with my bare hands. She doesn't deserve to be punished for that. I hurt you, and even though you're old as hell, you're still her baby.”

I leaned down, laughing as I kissed her. “Yeah? Well, if I'm old as hell that also means I'm wise, and you should listen. Ma does not hate you. Besides, you got her another grandbaby cookin'. You know she can't resist that."

 

* * *

 

I was hoping my family wouldn't notice we were parked outside my parents' house standing at the back of my SUV as Laurel got Bennett changed into regular clothes. I kept glancing that way expecting to see the faces of all my nosy ass family members in a window. So far, so good.

Laurel grabbed the shopping bag that contained his t-shirt. "So, Mommy and Daddy have some really big news to tell you." That had his attention. He sat there with wide eyes as he waited for her to continue. It was moments like this one that I'd pay to know what he was thinking. "We need you to promise you'll keep it a secret, can you do that?"

"Yep!" He nodded. Bennett loved secrets. Laurel would disagree, but he got that shit from her. Always wanting to know something everyone else didn't know. A step ahead.

Laurel looked up at me where I stood next to her silently asking if I wanted to be the one to tell him. I nodded to let her know she could continue. This was more her territory than it was mine. She had the gift of being able to articulate things in a way a 4-year-old could understand them. My approach was a lot more to the point. "In a few months," she started. "You're gonna be a big brother. Mommy is going to have a baby. What do you think about that?"

A smile spread across his face almost instantly. He knew what a big brother was because several of his friends had younger siblings. "When?!" I knew that was coming. It's why we'd waited long as we possibly could. "Where is it now?"

She took his hand and placed it on her stomach. "You feel that?" He nodded his head. "That's where the baby grows until it's time for it to be born. Remember, we're gonna have to wait a while before its time, but we'll need your help getting ready."

She explained his shirt to him as she quickly took his old one off and slipped the new on. You'd have thought she'd placed a badge of honor on him. I'd have to remember this so I could remind him when they were teenagers and probably having a fist fight in the living room that at one time he was happy about it.

Laurel had already mentioned having a 3rd when this little guy was a couple of years old, but she had no idea how living with 3 Delfino men was going to be. The high probability we'd make it 4 to 1 with the addition of a 3rd child wasn't a wager I expected her to make. "You excited?" I asked him.

He quickly nodded his head, still admiring his new shirt. "Know what else," I said. "We already know it's a baby brother, so you're really gonna have to help out with him. Teach him all kinds of stuff." We thought he was excited before, but the news it was a boy kicked it up a couple notches.

"Can he play with me when he comes out?" He asked.

"Yeah," Laurel replied. "He'll be pretty small at first, but as he gets bigger he'll need you to help him learn how to do things."

"How did he get in your belly?" In that moment, I prayed Laurel had read something creative in one of those parenting magazines she always has lying around. Cause I had nothing. Only thing I did know was telling him his Mom and I had a hell of a weekend while he was spending the night with Grandma and Grandpa wasn't the way to go. Just not appropriate for his age group. I poked her in the back hoping she knew that was her cue to make something up before I started talking about a damn stork.

"Well," she began. "Daddy and I made him just like we made you." That's not where I would have taken it, but maybe she had a plan. One of her more useful qualities was that she could think on her feet really well. "I had to have Daddy's help to get him in there. Some of Mommy and some of Daddy had to combine and that made him. Then he has to grow in my belly until he's big enough to come out."

"Like legos?!" He asked. "You put pieces together to build stuff!"

"Yep," I said before Laurel had us struggling up another slippery slope. "Just like legos!" I felt Laurel elbow me in the stomach as I stood directly behind her. I was just sorry I didn't come up with the lego analogy immediately. "You ready to go in? Remember, it's a secret so you can't say anything."

"They gotta see my shirt!" Bennett said.

"Yeah, but don't say anything," Laurel instructed. "We're just gonna keep quiet until someone notices your shirt all on their own."

I picked him up and carried him in my arms as we crossed the street. He wanted down soon as we reached the sidewalk so he could open the gate and go up the walkway by himself. "Really, Frank?" Laurel whispered as Bennett walked ahead of us completely lost in his own little world and not listening to what we were saying. "Legos? You're supposed to tell them as much of the truth as you can for their specific age!"

"The hell you want me to tell him?!" I whispered back. "That I had you bent over the back of the...."

"Bennett!" Laurel called as she glared at me. At times, I forgot that I married an expert. On everything. "Wait on us, ok? You stay there on the steps so we can go in together."

Soon as we reached the steps, I picked Bennett up and made my way to the front door. I felt Laurel's hands on my back as I opened the door to be greeted by a sound so loud none of us would hear if someone dropped a bomb in front of the house. My family was loud, obnoxious, and people who didn't know us probably thought we hated one another. It was just our way.

I kept Bennett in my arms as I closed the door, "MA! WE'RE HERE!"

The place was already packed with everyone from my brother and his family, to my Uncles and their families, to my cousins, to a couple neighbors from down the street. It was rare we had a dinner with just our immediate family. Ma invited the whole damn neighborhood. Besides, that's how the latest gossip got around Fishtown.

"There's my boy!" She wasn't talking to me. I handed Bennett over else I'd risk life or limb. She kissed Bennett's cheek and hugged him as he laughed. The kid knew how to play my parents like a fiddle. He got whatever the hell he wanted out of them. "Did you have fun at soccer practice?"

"Yep," he nodded. He allowed her to hug and kiss on him a few more seconds before he wanted down to go find my Dad. Soon as she put him down he was off like a rocket in the direction of the dining room. "Come in! Come in!" She wrapped her arms around me before kissing me on the cheek as if I were the same age as Bennett. Was best to just let her do it.

"Ma," I said. "You saw me a couple hours ago."

"Hush," she said. "I'll hug and kiss you if I want!" She moved away from me and toward Laurel next. "How are you, dear?" She wrapped her in a hug while I prayed she wouldn't discover our secret before someone saw Bennett's shirt. "Work going ok?"

"Yeah," Laurel smiled. "Busy, but it's good."

"Good." She took Laurel's hand in her own and led us into the living room. "Frank and Laurel are here, so I think that's everybody! Grandma's gonna bless the food before we eat." My Catholic Mom. Everyone stood from where they'd been seated and spread out through the living and dining rooms.

I reached over and took Laurel's hand in my own as we waited for Grandma to get on with it. Sometimes it was quick, other times she prayed for everyone in the room. We just never knew. I had no idea where Bennett was, but I trusted someone had him in whatever room they were in.

"THE HELL IS THIS?!" My Dad yelled out about the time we all bowed our heads in preparation for what could be a 30-minute litany. "THE HELL?! BIG BROTHER?!"

"What?!" Mom was off in the direction of my Dad's voice. Now that we were standing here watching it all begin to unfold, I was worried the house itself might not withstand it. There were already so many people that if the fire department caught wind they'd come shut us down. I looked at Laurel and grinned. "We got about 30 seconds to get outta here if we go now. We can't save Ben, but we can get out."

She laughed, shaking her head at me. I could see people slowly starting to piece it together as my Dad hoisted Bennett up on the table so everyone could see his shirt. "Laurel's pregnant," my Mom said before it fully hit her. I saw the lightbulb moment and knew we were trapped. "LAUREL'S PREGNANT! Oh my God! Laurel's pregnant!!!"

The rest of my family erupted into a sound so loud I was sure someone would call the cops on us for disrupting the peace. I felt Laurel lean into me as if she needed protection from the vultures that were about to descend. I looked at her, "This is no different from your Mom's folks in Mexico. I just dunno what the hell they're saying."

My Mom reached us, pulling us both into a hug as she continued rambling on about another grandbaby and crying. "When?! How far along?!" Laurel finally removed her coat, and my Mom immediately noticed what she'd managed to keep hidden the past few months. That did nothing to calm her down. Mom fussed over Laurel as I heard Dad yelling about passing the booze in the other room. We went from saying a family prayer to everyone getting tanked in the span of about 10 minutes. "How far along?!"

"16 weeks," Laurel answered. "He's due early spring."

"HE?!" Mom would pick up on that. "It's a boy?!?!"

"Yeah," I smiled. "It's a boy. You're probably scarin' him to death." I didn't even think his ears worked yet, but he could probably feel stress when Laurel did and these people would stress anyone out. When we found out it was a boy, I briefly wondered if my Mom would be disappointed that she would have all grandsons. I should have known she'd take whatever we tossed her way.

"Someone get the Family Bible so we can look through names!" My Aunt said. "He needs a good, strong name!"

"Oh wow," Laurel said quietly. "They're really doing this now."

"Hey, guys!" I was going to shut this down before it got out of hand. It may have taken almost 40 years, but I was finally starting to see why Bonnie all but ran outside to sit in the car when we came over for these huge dinners. "Won't be necessary. He already has a name. His name is Patrick. We're not takin' suggestions. Final decision." Much like with Bennett's name, Laurel just liked it. Bennett had to grow on me; Patrick I was down with from the minute she mentioned it.

"TO PATRICK!" My Dad shouted, holding up a glass of something. My family really needed no excuse to break the booze out. I leaned down, giving Laurel a kiss. "You may have to drive home. Dunno that I can stay sober with all this going on."

"Uh uh," she said. "I don't think so. If I have to stay sober, you're staying sober." I gave her a look as she wrapped her arms around my waist, hugging me. "Shouldn't have played legos with me."

I looked down at her and shrugged. "You got the best legos." She pulled me into a kiss before smacking me in the side and walking off to go find our son in the chaos.

"Congrats, Bro," I heard before I felt my brother's hand on my shoulder. "What the hell's the town gonna do with 2 more Delfino boys roamin' around?" That was a question the public probably needed to consider. My brother and I had been bad enough back in our day. I didn't think my nephews would be much better. I knew my boys sure as hell wouldn't be. "You know we're gonna pay for all our shit, right?"

"God," I said. "Can't think about it!" My brother and I had caused more trouble than we were worth growing up. Skipping school, stealing beer from Dad when we were way too young to be drinking, sneaking girls in and out, and a whole other list of shit that would probably be what finally turned me gray.

"Told you it'd all work out," he said. "Didn't know when, but knew it would."

It was true. He had always told me that. Usually after 4 or 5 beers as he listened to me bitch about my life out on Mom and Dad's patio. Thinking back to just over a year ago, I couldn't believe all we'd made it through to finally get here. I looked across the room to see Laurel deep in conversation with my brother's wife. Bennett sat in her lap eating forkful after forkful of Grandma's ziti. The two, well three, of them, were worth all the shit we'd been through the past few years. Couldn't say I understood all of it, or that I ever wanted to go through any of it again, but they were worth it.

"Yeah," I said to him. "You did."

 

 


End file.
